Wicked Heart (Brazen Bluestockings #1)

Chapter 26: Kingdom of Isolation

It was one thing making a terrible mistake. It was another entirely to be unable to do anything about it. After Sam discovered that Ivy had left Winterbourne Hall, he had spent a couple of days cursing himself to hell and back for letting her slip away. How could he have been so stupid? So blind to the simple reality. He loved her, and he knew she cared for him. Maybe even loved him. And if she was willing to forego the possibility of a more advantageous match, he should just shut the hell up and take anything he could get. Because he bloody well couldn't live without her.

He'd returned to London a few days later to get his affairs in order. It had been a pleasant surprise to see that his savings were bigger than he'd realised. If Ivy would have him, they could either rent a house in London while he kept working at the agency, or if she preferred, they could rent a house in the countryside. Maybe even in Tilbury if she wanted to be close to her family.

If he swallowed his pride, he might even be able to convince his father to help him purchase a small estate like Mr Edwards had once bought Orchard Cottage. In a surprising twist of fate, his father had actually sent him a letter asking him to come see him. It was the first time in years Viscount Bodine had reached out, and Sam didn't know what to expect. There was no reason for his father to want to see him. He had made it clear years ago that Sam was nothing but a footnote in his life.

But curiosity had won over resentment, so here he was, approaching Bodine House for the first time in years. The last time had not been pleasant for anyone. His father had not taken his injury well and had refused to help. Even a bastard son of his was expected to be perfect, and with half a leg less than a regular man, Sam was no longer good enough in the viscount's eyes to even offer a grain of sympathy. Any support he had received up until that point stopped, and he had been forced to seek employment.

Being back was bittersweet at best, and painful at worst. As he rode through the village near his father's estate, there were so few good memories to remember. Most were of the rude comments from the other children, taunting him about his circumstances. The bastard son. There were a few good memories. Moments with his grandfather, the man who had raised him. Visits to the local bakery or a trip to the lake for a lazy afternoon fishing. It was amazing how different the village felt from Tilbury. Even as a visitor, Tilbury had felt more welcoming than the place he'd spent his formative years.

His sombre mood didn't improve when he reached Bodine House. A stableboy took his horse, and the butler let him into the house. He supposed he should be grateful they didn't make him enter through the servants' wing like when he was a child. After being shown to the reception room, he was left alone to wait for his father to receive him. How long that would take was anyone's guess. He'd once waited three hours before Viscount Bodine had seen fit to meet him.

With a sigh, he sat down on one of the sofas. He just wanted this visit over with so he could continue trying to win Ivy back. An endeavour made all the harder by the fact he seemed unable to find her. Not for lack of trying. He'd returned to Tilbury to be told she was with the Wycliffes to prepare for the upcoming season. Wary of Lord Wycliffe's reaction to his pursuit of Ivy, Sam had swallowed back his apprehension and sought them out at their home in Kent. As expected, Wycliffe had not been pleased to see him, but Ivy was not there. Lady Wycliffe had taken her along to see a friend. That was the extent of Wycliffe's cooperation, and he refused to give Sam the name or location of said friend.

So now he waited. Eventually, Ivy would have to return to either the Wycliffes or Tilbury. Her sister, Lily, had promised to write him if she saw her, and he'd slipped a footman a coin at the Wycliffe estate to notify him if she returned. He'd be damned if he let her go without a fight. Once he realised he wanted her no matter what, he refused to be beaten. Wycliffe might try to hide her from him, but he would find her and he would say his piece. Beg her forgiveness. And hopefully, she would give him a chance.