Until Death- Paul Lahote

8

I haven't talked to Paul since our day at the beach.

It was paining me to see him so sad everytime I walked by without acknowledging him. Sam's orders. Sam had seen what had happened through the mindlink and had forbidden me to talk to him or even look at him. To say I was furious is an understatement.

Three weeks had passed since then and I've been going nuts without looking at him while feeling his presence.
"It's going to get easier" Jared says as he walks over with Kim, hand in hand. They've been a couple for a week now and he's told her everything right away. She was thrilled when she found out and has been nothing but supportive ever since.
"Not, it won't" I say quietly, through a gritted jaw.
"Alia, he's going to understand" Kim says, making me really angry now.
"What if he doesn't. What if by what Sam's doing I'm going to loose him forever? He means the fucking world to me and Sam doesn't even let me near him. You won't understand and neither does Sam. You both have your imprints attached to your hip and are able to even talk to them. Me though? I have to sulk around all day, physically pained. You know how much I'm actually hurting?" I say loudly before abruptly getting up. "No, you don't. So stop telling me you do!" I say even louder now, grabbing the attention of a few students around me, causing everyone to stare as I walk off. I walk out of the halls of the schools quickly, exiting and walking towards the forest quickly.
"Alia!" I hear Paul shout, making me stop in my tracks. I don't turn around though, Sam's words lingering in my head as a reminder as my lungs start to hurt as Paul closes the distance between us. "Are you alright?"
The worry in his voice pains me even more. "I'm sorry I haven't talked to you the past weeks" I manage to croak out before starting to feel physically sick due to the pain that I'm now feeling in my body. Sam and I quickly noticed that his orders work differently on me than on Jared. While as Jared isn't able to talk if Sam forbids him to, I still can with a lot of effort and feeling an immense amount of pain.
"That's fine. You told me you need time. I respect that" he says and I relax as he lays a hand on my shoulder. I immediately seem to lean into it, feeling a comfortable feeling form where his hand is before it travels through my body, seeming to lessen the pain. "Just tell me if you change your mind, Alia. I'd like to know where I'm standing every once in a while"
I quickly turn around to meet his eyes. "I could never change my mind. You're everything I want" I say weakly before wincing as another spark of pain forms in my chest.
Paul quickly puts his hands to my shoulders, holding me steady. If he only knew that this is only happening because of him. Because he's here right now. That I'm doing all of this for him. Only for him.
"Are you okay? You don't look very good" he states and I chuckle before another wave of pain washes over me, making me lean over.
"I need to go home" I quickly say, not able to bear the pain any longer as I get free from his grasp and start walking towards my car.
"Alia, wait! Do you want me to take you home?" he asks but I shake my head. I fumble my keys out of the pockets of my jeans before getting in and quickly speeding off. I stop after a few minutes of driving at the side of the road, pushing the door open harshly and stumbling out befoer vomiting on the ground.

I feel horrible for not talking to Paul mentally while feeling horrible for talking to Paul physically.
Great.

"You talked to him, didn't you?" Sam asks and I nod. I look up to see him frowning at me.
"It's going to happen soon" Sam then says and I look at him confusedly.
"What do you mean?" I ask him and he looks at me sadly.
"After you left, Paul got really angry. He went inside and started shouting at Jared before storming out himself. I think it's going to happen soon" Sam says and I shut my eyes tightly.

One part of me feels happy because I'll be able to be closer to him now but the other side tells me I shouldn't be because he'll live the same life as me and Jared. Don't get me wrong, it's not a bad life. Not at all. But you have to put the pack before anything else. No one and nothing is standing above your pack duties and Sam has made that very clear.