Through It All(PTX)

14-Let Me Go

**potential trigger warning

Avi POV

"Avi wake up we have to go." Mitch said. He cleaned all the glass out of my bedroom last night. After I stormed out of Scott's room...
"I don't want to go. I like it here."
"Were not leaving you by yourself. Let's go."
"I hate you."
"No you don't. I will physically drag you out of this bed." Mitch warned.
"I'd like to see you try."
"Kevin!" Mitch yelled.
"Okay fine. I'm up!" I slowly removed myself from the bed and left my room before Kevin could come up. I don't want to be anywhere near him.

"Why do we have to go all the way to the West Coast? I like New York." I whined to Kirstie.
"Because we all need a new environment. There are too many bad memories here."
"Can't you guys just go?"
"You are a member of the band. You're going."
"Kyra doesn't have to go!"
"She isn't in our band and she wants to go! Big difference there, Avi!"
"Can't I make my own decisions?"

Kirstie sighed, "It's for the best Avi. We're trying to help you."
"I don't want your help."
"I know but Avi please."
"Maybe I should just leave the band. It would benefit us all."
"No!" Kirstie gasped. "I'm not letting you throw our hard work like this."
"I'm tired of you all thinking you can control all of my actions! I'm not your personal doll!"
"Avi... please don't do this."
"Please don't do what?" Mitch came downstairs with a box.
"Avi threatened to quit Pentatonix." Kirstie said.

Once again I can't even speak for myself. Mitch looked at me with watery eyes. He set his moving box down and hugged me tightly. "Don't do this Avi. You are the one who holds the band together. Without you we can't exist." He said as I looked down. He pulled away from me and grabbed his box. He was gone before I could speak up.

"I know you don't want to but it's time to leave Avi." Kirstie said quietly. I nodded and climbed into the car.

I turned on my phone and noticed I had quite a few text messages.
----
Brinley: I'm sorry can we please try again.
Brinley: I've been getting so much hate lately and I don't know how to handle it.
Brinley: Please Avi... I'm sobbing my eyes out I just want another chance.
Brinley: You didn't deserve to be treated the way I treated you. I realize it now and I've never been more regretful in my entire life.
Brinley: I wish I didn't still love you. You deserve someone better than me. I'm sorry.
Brinley: I'd understand if you moved on. But please give me one more chance.
----
"Where's Kyra?" I asked looking up from my phone.
"She's driving up with Scott and Kevin. We thought it would be better that way." Our car pulled out after the moving van. This is it. I hope the bad memories from the past disappear.

"I need to make a phone call." I announced and dialed Brinley.
----
"Avi!"
"Look I don't know how to take this."
"Please just give me another chance. I still love you Avi. It's really hard to not be around you."
"Can I trust you?"
"Yes! You were the first person I ever loved. I'm so sorry that I hurt you and your band. I swear it will never happen again."
"Alright." I'll never see her again anyways....
"Alright?"
"I'll give you another chance. You win."
"You sure you're okay with that?"
"Positive. I'm on my way to California. Maybe we can meet up in a few days?"
"I would love that."
"Okay I'll talk to you later."
"Bye."
----
"Who was that and why are you giving them another chance?" Mitch asked.
"Just a girl..." I shrugged.
"Who?"
"Just an ex. She wants to get back together."
"It's not Brinley, right?" Kirstie asked.
"Well...."
"Avi!" Kirstie said. "You are not getting back together with her."
"Why not? It's my relationship."
"Because she abused you Avi! Did you forget that?" Mitch said.

"You were so broken. Why would you want that to happen again?" Kirstie asked.
"Why can't you guys just understand that I've been broken. It doesn't just go away. And this is my life. I can live it however I choose."
"What about Kyra?"
"What do you mean?'
"She told me she really liked you."
"That's bullshit. Anyways, I don't like her."
"Who do you like?" Mitch asked and I stayed silent.

Without Pentatonix, I don't have anyone.
"I don't know." I whispered.
"Do you trust us?" Kirstie asked.
"I guess."
"Then stay away from Brinley." This is going to be a long car ride.

*the next day*

We are about halfway there to Los Angeles. We stopped Nebraska so Mitch could have a break from driving. We book two hotel rooms and they are finally letting me stay by myself. I felt insignificant in the large hotel room.

I took a deep breath and glanced at the scars lining my arm. Sure, cutting took the pain away but it was only temporary. I need a more permanent solution. I could always jump from the hotel balcony, but jumping didn't work so well last time. I could drown myself in alcohol and let others forget about my existence.

I feel like I need to explain myself. They deserve to know why I can't stand this hell anymore. I took another breath and set up a livestream. I tweeted a link and I gained viewers by the second.

"I just want to wait until I get more viewers so I can fully explain myself." I brushed my hand through my hair as I sat on the bed, staring blankly at my laptop screen.

"So this is really hard for me to say to you guys. But you deserve to know. I'm aware that most of you don't like me. It doesn't really make sense that you'd watch this video just to send me hate. I've been having a really hard time lately. I'm sure everyone remembers Brinley. She was beautiful wasn't she... From the outside she was a daydream, the complete package. Once you got to know her better she would hold you against your will and make sure you would stay in the relationship. She only dated me for the publicity, so saying yes to her was all my fault. I deserved all the abuse she gave me. She messed with my mind and now I can only think of terribly negative things." I felt a tear slide down my face.

"But like I said... it's all my fault. When Scott stole her away I got angry. I thought I loved her. I've learned that sometimes you can't even trust your own feelings because even they can deceive you. I'm still mad at Scott and I always will be mainly because of this decision. I've already attempted to kill myself once. My manager didn't want the news to be released so this is probably news to all of you. I don't want to live like this anymore. I'm sorry if this upsets anyone. By the time you next hear from me I'll probably be all over the news. Avi Kaplan, the one who couldn't take the heat. The one who gave up fighting because he had no motivation to move forward. I'm sorry." I grabbed my bottle of antidepressants from my suitcase.

If you love me, let me go.

Mitch POV

My phone seemed to be buzzing frantically from the coffee table.
"Mitch! You need to go help Avi right now! He's about to commit suicide please!" Kyra cried through the phone.
"What? How do you know this?"
"He posted a livestream. He just pulled out a bottle of pills. Mitch he needs your help." Kyra started crying harder and harder.

I ran out of my hotel room and started pounder harder and harder on Avi's hotel room but he wouldn't open the door. I felt tears slide from my eyes as I rushed down to the lobby.

What if I can't save him in time.

A/N: This is definitely the most emotionally taxing story I've ever written.