Soul To Steal: Sam Winchester

Chapter 16: Open Arms

I awoke sometime later, confused by the darkness outside. I could of sworn the sun was rising when I had laid down earlier. I stumbled out of bed and heading towards the kitchen. Dean was yelling enthusiastically and.. was that Sam laughing? Forgetting I was wearing only an oversized shirt and underwear, I barreled towards the kitchen. Hope was now pounding hard in my chest. I rounded the corner to see Dean at the stove cooking. Sam and Bobby were sitting at the kitchen table talking. All three looked my way, no doubt was I was a sight with makeshift pajamas and likely disheveled hair. "Good evening sleepy head," Dean grinned and gestured at the food he was preparing on the stove,"Hope you're hungry. " a small smile spread across my face and Sam was standing up to approach me. I looked up at him with tears welling up in my eyes, his tall form blocking me entirely from view of the others.

"I heard you had a hand in getting me out of the cage," Sam put his hands on my shoulders and smiled at me warmly. "Yeah... something like that." I grinned back at him. He immediately embraced me, my head pressing against his chest. I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply. He even smelled like Sam again. I pulled back and quickly wiped my eyes. "If you'll excuse me a moment, I should probably put some clothes on." I smiled again and headed back to the bedroom. I stood in the bedroom mirror for a few minutes, studying my body. Every mark and scar had a story. I knew exactly which ones Sam had left on me from everything we'd been through in the past year. I wondered what, if anything he'd remember. I questioned what that meant for us. How do I possibly go back to the friend that only knew him in passing, secretly pining away for him in the back of my mind. I decided to shove those feelings down and get dressed. A short time later I headed back to the kitchen to find dinner ready and I happily grabbed a seat.

After eating we all piled up in the living room to watch an old movie. The guys were laughing and throwing popcorn at each other. The grin on his face evident that he couldn't be happier to have his brother back. I spotted the two of them here and there playing around out of the corner of my eye. Bobby looking over his shoulder every now and then to smile and shake his head. In those moments it felt like a something outside our lives where nothing could dampen the joy in the room. It almost felt like we were living a normal life. I still somehow felt it was something i was not actaully a part of. How could I possibly go back to being a really good acquaintance with all these men after the past year. I knew this in my heart yet.. I felt so far removed from the idea of being able to confide in Sam how I really felt about him. As the movie came to an end everyone got up and began to stretch.

Bobby and Dean were clearly ready for bed and suddenly the idea of being alone with Sam and these unresolved feelings terrified the hell out of me. I couldn't bring myself to say anything, I just ran to my room and shut the door. My heart was suddenly thudding hard in my chest. I frantically jumped back and forth between the idea of just packing and leaving now or pretending to sleep and taking off in the middle of the night. I sat on the bed and impulsively decided I was definitely going to leave now. Throwing my things halfhazardly in my bag I suddenly stopped. Bag still clutched in my hand I closed my eyes and brought my other hand to my temple. What the hell was I so afraid of right now? I was acting crazy. It seemed all of my memories of Sam over the years began flooding my mind and I gasped, choking back a sob. Holy shit, I understand now. Fuck me, I'm in love with Sam Winchester. I'd fallen so hard I couldn't see the the truth that had been right in front of my damn face. I'd spent the past year risking my life for this man. My eyes snapped open, glancing at the half packed bag still clutched in my hand. The door suddenly swung open and in walked Sam. He looked from my bag to my hand, concern reflected in his eyes. "Alex?"

"Are you leaving?" He asked in clear disappointment and inched closer to me. Sam reach back and shut the bedroom door. I rose to my feet and dropped my bag on the ground as he turned back around, our bodies now only inches apart. "Please don't go," he spoke tenderly as he placed his hands on my shoulders. "I.." opening my mouth to speak, my throat closing up and cutting me off. "Please tell me what's wrong?" He asked, his hands still at my shoulders. The damn I was fighting so desperately to build suddenly came crashing down, tears fludded my vision. Sam reached up to wipe them away and I could no longer hold my feelings in. With one of his hands still lingering at the side of my face I blurted it out at him in a rush, "I love you Sam." He looked deeply into my shining eyes as though he was searching for the right words somewhere in their depths. He opened his mouth and stopped short, the realization of my confession dawning on him.