I Just Want To Help You

Chapter Fourteen

Three years later...

Clarke Pov
The last thing I remember is being practically drug into the back of a car. I can barely stand since my body is so weak. I wouldn't admit it but I haven't ate in a while because I have no money. After I left my moms house things just went down hill till I had no choice but to sober up because I had no money to buy drugs. But the problem is I also have no money for food. I fell asleep in the back seat of the warm car. I haven't felt anything but cold since winter arrived. When I wake up I realize my arm is over someone's shoulder and they are supporting all my weight since my own legs won't hold me.

We are in front of a house I don't recognize till the door opens and I see her. For the first time in three years I see Lexa standing in front of me. "Sorry detective Woods but I didn't know what to do" I look over and the person who is holding me up is in uniform. Wait detective? "I found her pasted out on the sidewalk on 6th street. She had a burner phone with only your and one other number saved in it without an ID tag." Just then a blond girl walks up from behind her and wraps her arm around Lexa's waist. Lexa speaks to her in a soft voice that she only used to use with me "Cos can you go back inside while I take care of this" the girl nods before turning around and that's when I see my baby standing behind her. He's so big now. "Mommy what's going on" he asks in a sleepy voice. But he's turned to the blond as he talks. He called her mom not Lexa. I feel tears fall down my face at the thought of another person sleeping in my old bed with my wife 'legally she still is' and my children calling her mom. The blond picks him up before giving Lexa a kiss on the cheek and walking back inside.

I can't take it anymore so I try and say something but nothing comes out. I try again and in a very rough voice I say "I am sorry" before pulling my arm away from the officer and trying to take a step back. My legs fail me and I fall onto the ground. I slowly pick myself up but fall again. This time I don't feel the cold ground hit my face but warm arms wrap around my waist and help me. I try to pull away from them but soon i just get picked up bridal style. "You're ok Clarke" I know it's her and not the cop by the way she pops the k at the end of my name. I have missed that way more than I realize. I set my head on her shoulder and close my eyes. I feel at home for the first time in three years. I don't know how long this will last so I just wrap my arms around her neck and enjoy it while I can.

Lexa Pov
I am laying in bed with her arms around me but I still am thinking about Clarke. It's been three years and she still hasn't come to find me. We still live in the same house and I still work at the same precinct so it's not like she can't find me it's just that she hasn't tried. I find myself thinking about her more recently than I have in the past. Costia likes to listen to the band The Head and the Heart so she plays them a lot ever since she's moved in with us. Whenever their song River and Roads comes on I can't help but think about Clarke. (I suggest you go listen to it so you know how Lexa is feeling a little bit more. Start 45 seconds into the song)

Besides that song there have been other small reminders about her around me constantly. A couple months ago Madi and Aiden were watching the tv after school together. They are 5 now and are in preschool. I was making supper with Costia when Madi says "Mom come here" they call both of us mom so we both stop what we are doing to see which one they want. I feel kinda weird about them calling Costia mom because I will always feel like Clarke is their only other mom even if we never see her again. They know she's not their actual mom but I am not going to tell them to stop calling her it because it's their choice. When we walk into the living room Aiden says "Mom do we know her" then Madi says "Ya I feel like we've seen her before" I look and the news is covering an up and coming artist names Clarke Griffin. She is doing an interview with the news anchor.

It hurts a little bit that she changed her last name even though we never legally got divorced but I just have to tell myself that I left her. I can tell Costia is staring at me but I don't look at her I just stare at the screen. I met her shortly after I left Clarke but we didn't start dating till 2 years ago. She has known about Clarke the whole time. She knows that if Clarke comes home that I will want to try and be with her again but she said that she will take her chances. My siblings all told me I am trying to hold onto Clarke through Costia when we started dating and I freaked out saying that just because I am dating a blond EMT doesn't mean I am trying to hold onto her. I rewind to the start of their interview and watch all the way to the end. To a person who doesn't know her she looks great but I can tell by the little things that she does that something is wrong. She was still on something. She isn't wearing cloths that she normally would and when she turns to the side I can see a little piece of a tag that was supposed to be tucked in. She must not be doing so well financially. Once it's done I just say "when you were little I used to be friends with her but I haven't seen her in a long time" after that I get up and go back to the kitchen. Costia never brought it up so we never talked about it after that. It was the first and only time I had seen her since the day at the hospital. Ever since then all I could think about was how beautiful she was.

There are also two physical reminders of her running around my house. They still have all the little habits they picked up from her years ago. I also can't help but worry about if she's ok since it's been a particularly cold winter. There's been more ice, wind, and snow than I have ever seen. It wouldn't be a problem but last fall Abby reached out to me for the first time asking to see me and the kids. She had said that recently Clarke had left on her own saying that she will figure something out after she got sick of Abby trying to get her to go to treatment. I had texted Abby after the interview so she could go watch it too. She has been looking for Clarke every day since she left but she seemed to have dropped off the face of the earth.

I almost fall asleep while thinking about Clarke when the door bell rings. I look at the time and it's 9:34. What the fuck, why is someone here at this time. I get up and tell Costia to stay in bed while I go look. I throw on a sweatshirt and sweatpants over my pajamas before walking out of our room. I see a squad car in the drive way so I think one of the new eager detectives must have a question on a case. I remember when I was like that after I first got promoted to detective. When I open the door I see a newer cop holding up someone. The person who he's holding picks up their head and I know it's Clarke immediately after seeing her face. I wouldn't have guessed by the way she looks. Her cloths have lots of holes in them and she's only wearing a thin sweatshirt. I am surprised she hasn't froze to death but she looks close. All of her skin is pale and she doesn't have any fat on any part of her body to keep her warm.

Costia and Aiden come to see what's going on but I just tell them to go inside. I see Clarke start to cry when Aiden calls Costia mom and my heart breaks for her even though she never came looking for us. She says "I am sorry" and I can tell she's been through so much just by the sound of her voice. She tried to get away from the cop and he lets her go but she falls down. She tries to get up but barley can so I step forward to help her but she falls again so I pick her up. I say thanks to the cop and then carry her inside. I feel like normal again when she wraps her arms around my neck and sets her head on my shoulder.

Clarke Pov
When I wake up the next morning I realize I must have fallen asleep while she was carrying me. I sit up and look around. I am in me and Lexa's old bedroom. It looks the same but different at the same time. I didn't take anything besides my cloths when I left so everything is in the same place but there is new stuff in here too. Also the photos of us 4 have been replaced with a new blond in my place. I slowly get out of bed. My weak body must have been from the cold and not from lack of food. I look down and see I am wearing an old sweatshirt of Lexa's that I used to steal from her all the time and sweatpants over my other cloths. I didn't think I would ever say this again but I am to hot and that's probably woke me up. So I take off the sweatpants but keep the sweatshirt on because it's still my favorite one and it smells like Lexa.

I walk out of them room and down the stairs to see Lexa laying on the couch reading a book. She looks like she just woke up a little bit ago. I look over at the other coach and see the blond still sleeping there. I feel bad now that I know they slept on the couch so I could have their bed. "I am sorry I didn't know what was going on last night, I will leave" I say as I set the pants down on the kitchen counter before turning towards the door. Right when I am about to open the door I feel a hand on my wrist. "Clarke wait" I turn around and Lexa puts her arms around my waist at a higher level than she used to and pulls me into a hug. I relax into her almost immediately as I hug her I see that she is still wearing the chair she used to keep her wedding ring on while she was at work. It's a little less shiny now and more worn down which means she still wore it this whole time. I left my wedding ring on the counter the day I left. I wanted to keep it I really did but I was scared I was going to sell it. At least if Lexa sold it she would use the money on something better then I probably would have.

"Stay?" she says after we stand there holding each other for a long time. "I can't Lex" "yes you can, you're sober. I can tell now that you aren't almost frozen to death. You look great Clarke" I know she's lying about me looking great because I look like a skeleton that hasn't slept in months, or maby she means like drug wise because I may look like hell but I don't look like what I do when I am on drugs. "I may be sober but you have a whole new life Lexa. If it's ok with you, when I get back on my feet, I would like to see Aiden and Madi other than that I will stay away from you life before I fuck it up again" all she says back is "let me help you Clarke. You have no where to stay" "No it's fine besides what about her" I say pointing at the coach "she won't like your ex wife staying with you" "your my wife Clarke and last night we talked and she's moving out and into her parents if you stay. She always knew that if you came back that I would choose you. I knew you would come back" when she says the last part her voice breaks and she pulls me into another hug. She waited for me. That's why she never took the chain off.