You pull on the new outfit you just purchased yesterday, feeling confident and happy and excited. You don't splurge on a new outfit everyday and this one is your new favorite.
Looking at your reflection in the bathroom mirror, you freeze. And suddenly, you are filled with this deep, unexplainable anger and hatred. And the truth is: it doesn't matter what you look like. Because you'll see ugliness regardless. And you look down and just see so much fat—too much fat. And you know that's all anyone thinks about when they see you. So you head into your bedroom and lock the door and you take off the new outfit and instead pull out the baggiest shirt you can find, anything that will hide your body and whatever else you need to hide. And you start your day. And you're fine. And you're always fine.
But it's not that simple because every waking moment you obsess over these imperfections and you can't relax or joke or talk without feeling overwhelmingly self-conscious. So you push everyone away. But you do it slowly, so nobody even realizes they're not as close to you as they were a year ago until it's too late. The less people who love you, the less questions asked. Besides, it was only a matter of time before they realized you weren't all that great anyway and they abandoned you.
And then you wake up one day and you're alone. Completely alone. And you ask yourself when it all fell apart, but what you don't realize is it's been crumbling for a long time while you pretended you were fine.
YOU ARE READING
The Things We Don't Talk About
Poetry***Trigger Warning: Mental health, mental illness, eating disorders, suicidal ideation, self-harm*** A collection of poems delving into the dark side of the human experience. From high highs to low lows, emotion can be intense. And this collection s...
