drain you | Kurt Cobain fanfic

08: Duos, Whenever and Wherever

When we got back to school, Kurt and I began hanging out with Krist, and we were now a full-fledged trio of freaks. Of course, Kurt had to get used to him, but eventually, he calmed down and returned to his normal self. The bullying came back, but I didn't care.

It's now junior year, and I've been in Aberdeen for over a year. I don't even remember Rancho Cucamonga anymore.

One day, as we were walking home, Kurt broke some news. "My mom's making me go back to Montesano with my dad and step-mom."

I couldn't believe it; Kurt leaving felt like the band breaking up. We spent the next few weeks cherishing our time together, knowing things would never be the same. As the departure date neared, we decided to throw a farewell party for Kurt, celebrating our weird, unforgettable trio.

The night of the farewell party arrived, filled with laughter, music, and a bittersweet atmosphere. We reminisced about our adventures, from the early days of forming the original duo to our navigating the challenges of junior year as a trio. Kurt, Krist, and I stayed up late, savoring every moment before his imminent departure.

As the hours passed, the reality of Kurt leaving began to sink in. We exchanged heartfelt goodbyes, promising to stay connected despite the physical distance. The next day, we walked Kurt to the bus station, a mix of emotions in the air. The trio was breaking up, but the bond we shared remained unbroken.

And his news wasn't the only news that was going to change things.

As we accompanied Kurt to the bus station, we decided to tell him. I did the talking. "So, buddy," I said awkwardly. "Remember when we first met Krist and you were kinda on edge?"

"Don't even remind me," Kurt said. "I was a goddamn jerk to you guys that night."

"Well..." I began, but Krist beat me to it. "We're dating," he said firmly.

Kurt looked at us. He muttered silently. He looked at me with betrayed eyes.  I felt terrible about keeping this from him, and I could tell Krist was too. He got his suitcases and guitar and boarded the bus.

"Kurt, wait!" We both called, but it was too late. The bus doors closed, and the bus began taking off. Kurt kept his eyes straight the entire time. He didn't want to look at us.

Then, the bus gained speed and left.

That was it. Kurt left us by ourselves, forcing us to face the fact that we lied to him, and nothing would ever be repaired now that he's gone.

Nothing was the same after that.

Krist and I began dating a few months after we met. I found out cool things about him, like how he can play bass guitar. The thing that drew me to him was that behind his intimidating figure was a gentle guy who loved to be silly and liked punk rock.

But I wasn't sure about this anymore. On the way home, it went from sulking to a full-blown argument.

It was, "I really miss Kurt" to "It's better to tell him late than never!"

I was against keeping our relationship from Kurt from the beginning. He was my best friend. He was Krist's best friend too, but Krist wanted to give us time to mature together before we told him.

And now, I had enough of the secrets.

"Merci, we had to do this," he said. "No, we didn't!" I replied.  "If we'd told him sooner, he would've understood!"

"How do you know that?" Krist yelled. "Because I know him!" I replied, yelling back. "I know him better than I know you, Krist."

The argument between Krist and me escalated, each word cutting deeper into our once-solid connection. The streets of Aberdeen witnessed a heated exchange as emotions ran high, fueled by regret and frustration.

"I can't believe you think you know Kurt better than me!" Krist's voice echoed in the cold air.

"I've known him longer! I know how he thinks, how he feels!" I shot back, the tension thickening with every passing moment.

Krist's face contorted with anger. "This is about us, Merci. You're choosing Kurt over our relationship!"

I gasped. He was telling the truth, but I didn't want to hurt him by admitting it. "I'm your boyfriend, Merci! Not Kurt, me!" Krist yelled.

I sighed and gave a tearful chuckle. I said nothing.

"Well, it's too late now. What's done is done," he retorted, dismissing the weight of our actions.

The argument reached a breaking point. I took a deep breath, feeling the weight of the unspoken words and the strain on our relationship. "I can't do this anymore, Krist. We've let this secret poison us, and I won't let it destroy me."

"What are you saying?" Krist's tone shifted, a mix of confusion and realization.

"I'm saying we need a break, Krist. I need time to figure things out without the guilt, the lies, and the constant arguing," I declared, my voice firm.

Krist's eyes widened, a mixture of shock and disbelief. "You're breaking up with me over this?"

"No, Krist. I'm breaking up with you because our foundation was built on secrecy and deception. I need to find myself again without this hanging over us," I explained, my heart heavy with the weight of the decision.

The streets of Aberdeen became the witness to the end of our relationship, the echoes of our argument fading into a somber silence. As I walked away, I couldn't help but wonder if the truth would have saved us or if the damage was already irreparable.

I walked away feeling free. But once I got home, I walked into my parents crying.

"What's wrong?" I asked. "Are you guys okay?"

"Mija, sit down," Mom said, teary-eyed, and I did.

"It's about Gus," she said.  "I'm sorry, Merci. He's gone."

My heart stopped.  A minute ago, I felt free and loyal to my best friend. But now I realize that I wasn't loyal to Gus.

I promised him that I would listen to the vinyl records he gave me, but I never even opened them.

Tears formed in my eyes. I felt conflicted. Gus, the man who taught me about the good old days on Route 66, who made me pancakes that beat literally everything, was gone. Krist, my tall, goofy, bass-playing, punk-rock loving boyfriend was gone. Kurt, my best friend, who defended me through thick and thin, who'd be eager to learn Spanish phrases and eat enchiladas with my parents was gone.

But I knew whether if I was with Kurt, Krist, or Gus, that we'd still be duos, whenever and wherever we are.