THE MIDNIGHT SKY || MATTHEO RIDDLE x OC x DIEGO LYON

33. that feeling

Mattheo grinned, lying down beside Willow. "That's great." He glanced over, he could tell something was wrong. "You sure your alright?"

"Yes," Willow turned, forcing herself to smile. "Never better."

Willow didn't know why she was doing this all. She could tell Mattheo the truth, tell him she was still so worried about her family. However, she didn't. A part of her liked the fact that someone had feelings for her, not just in a platonic way. For some reason Willow felt bad for Mattheo, not wanting to push him away after he had become so vulnerable with her. 

She believed she had feelings for him, but not at this point. Unlike Willow's sister, she spent every waking moment thinking of her family. Even in her dreams, she saw her family, replaying the night repeatedly. Sometimes in different rooms. Sometimes she even watched them get killed. 

Now, ever since her talk with her sister, Willow has felt more guilty. She didn't know why, she wanted to get over it, like her sister said, but she couldn't.

A warm hand grabbed hers, sending sparks to shoot through her body. Willow missed feeling like this with Mattheo. She never wanted to admit it, but before she lost her parents, she did have feelings for Mattheo. But everything was different now. Mattheo got her family killed, got Diego's parents killed, got Dumbledore killed.

Everywhere he walked, he got someone killed. Even though he was never the one who did it, he caused it. Mattheo had the power to save those people's lives, but he chose to get them killed.

Willow pushed the thoughts away, looking over to Mattheo. "I love you," he whispered.

For a moment, Willow was silent, but a smile grew on her face, "I love you too."

Some may ask, why would Willow lie? Or ask, if Willow had those thoughts why didn't she just reject him?

Willow once felt those feelings for Mattheo. He made her happy, and she wanted to make him good so she could love him without the guilt. Since the moment she met him, she felt something for him. Though it was small at the time, it didn't mean Willow didn't love him then. 

She wanted to try and forget about her family. Forget what Mattheo did so she could feel that love she once felt while around him. However, she didn't. It did not stop her from trying to force herself to feel it though.

Leading us to this moment. Willow wanted to love Mattheo. She wanted to be loved by Mattheo. Wanted to feel those feelings she once had around him. It takes time, she said in her head, over time I will love him once more.

What Willow has done is not right, she is stringing Mattheo along, making him believe something that is simply not true. However, it is hard to blame Willow, it is hard not to pity her. Willow had lost so much. She even lost the love she once felt for the boy who now expresses his love for her. 

Willow just wanted to feel love again.

So lying there, close together, Mattheo and Willow were. Watching the stars, the sounds of small creatures within the forest could be heard. It was not silence, but it was not filled with chatter. Mattheo liked it, it cleared his brain.

But unlike Mattheo, Willow's head could not stop spinning. 

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

IMPORTANT!!

a/n - short chapter I know, I'm sorry. but this chapter even though short is changing the story. Willow reveals she did love Mattheo for a long time, however, she doesn't now. I mean how could you love someone after they get your family killed? 

It's a very tough spot Willow is in, I don't say what she is doing is alright. However, I do sympathize with her. She wants to feel that love she once felt for Mattheo, she wants to be loved. Willow is still grieving the death of her family, even though Dorothea isn't. People process things differently and you can see it in each of the characters.

Dorothea gets over it quickly, moving on and getting engaged. Diego just disappears and when he shows back up he isn't the sweet boy he once was, he is cold and distant. Willow is sad, she is overwhelmed, she is dealing with so much so fast and she is still a child. Mind you, Willow is basically "alone". She doesn't have her family, she has Dorothea now but it's off between them. Apollo is off being a death eater. Those are the people who love her. Her other friends like her. Now Mattheo comes along saying he loves her, she wants to feel love, she wants to be loved again. 

So before everyone jumps on Willow, please put yourself in her shoes, and understand her emotions. Do not compare saying, well Dorothea did this or Diego did that. No, they are all different people who process what happened to them differently. If we want to compare, look at Dorothea, she has someone who loves her. She is engaged for crying out loud. Willow is alone with Diego who is cold, distant, and very different, and she's also with Mattheo who caused the death of her family. Willow once loved Mattheo, he now confesses his love for her even though she does not have those feelings anymore. Even though she isn't alone, she is still "alone". She doesn't have someone who loves her in a sense, or there with her who loves her. She wants love, Willow wants the pain of emptiness and grief to go away. Before she felt that way, she had feelings for Mattheo. So she believes the grief and sadness will go away with being loved. 

(I'll stop there cause I'll keep ranting. . . I could write a whole essay on this issue. ANYWAYS-)

The three are supposed to represent the different ways people process grief. Some get over it quickly, some change (for the better or the worse), and some become depressed. I know this is just some Harry Potter fanfic but I just wanted to rant about that. 

Depressing, I know, that's what you get for me listening to "What Was I Made For (epilogue)" while writing this. . . sue me. 

sorry for the huge rant. . .

Also, I want to quickly say the shit that happened at the golden globes was gross. I mean, the fact people are taking the host's side is disgusting to me. 

Lots of Love,
Depressed Mama Mack <33