The Sun and The Moon (SatoGou)

Chapter 9

"They didn't tell you?" I ask breathlessly. For some reason, her words seem to be stealing the air from my lungs.

"No. I found out the next time we were there, and I caught them kissing. You can imagine the shock." She laughs, but there's no humour in it. "I remember asking why they were keeping it a secret. I mean, once the shock wore off, I obviously saw nothing wrong with it. I was offended that they'd kept it from me for months. Gary was absolutely terrified, though. I mean, he cried to me that night, begging me never to tell anyone. I told him, you can't have a relationship and keep it hidden. It just won't work. But he proved me wrong, didn't he?"

My heart wrenches painfully in my chest, and I'm suddenly too warm. "You think they're still together?"

"I don't know. Gary puts on a good show, and nobody has reason to believe Ash isn't really with Dawn. Ash wanted to tell people at first, you know. He told me himself that he was trying to convince Gary to come out, but Gary wouldn't, and I think over the years that anxiety rubbed off on Ash, and now he's afraid too."

All of this time, they've kept this monumental secret to themselves. Sneaking around, pretending to have other girlfriends, when really... I can't imagine the pressure of having to keep a secret like that for this long. I wonder how either of them can possibly deal with it. To me, coming out was inevitable. I knew someone would see me eventually, so I bit the bullet and told my parents, told Chloe, and that was it. I just never made an effort to hide it, and nobody cared enough to pay attention to me anyway. Except Ash, apparently.

"I told Ash one day that I didn't think it was healthy that Gary was so jealous all the time," she carries on. I take a sip of my coffee, trying to hide that my hands are shaking slightly. "He knows. I know he knows. He just cares about Gary too much. So I went to Gary instead. Maybe I was sticking my nose where it didn't belong, but I was worried about Ash. Fuck, I still worry about Ash. He's too good, and only sees the best in people. Gary didn't take it as well. He started excluding me, made their new friend group, and that was that. I know Ash knows what happened, too."

"That's insane," I say, shaking my head. "Nobody would ever suspect them."

She shrugs. "I knew, and that's bothered Gary all these years. Sometimes I like to pretend I'm going to tell, but I wouldn't. Only because I don't want to out Ash like that. It wouldn't be fair."

"If Ash wanted to be friends again, would you?"

She thinks about it for a second, but I can see the answer in her slight smile before she speaks. She's tough, but she clearly has a soft spot for him. "Probably."

"I don't know if I should back off or not," I admit.

"Absolutely not," she says, catching me off guard. "You're the first person I've seen Ash want to be friends with that isn't someone Gary picked or Dawn. I think Dawn is the one keeping him sane, honestly, and maybe he needs you. I think you should do the exact opposite, Goh. If you like each other, I think you should hang out as much as you like, and fuck Gary." She's smiling, enjoying this way too much. My throat is dry, so I take a drink, and turn her words over in my head. Am I okay with Ash and I's friendship staying a secret for now?

"Right," I say, lifting the mug in mock salute. "Fuck Gary."

She just grins back at me.

— — — —

I take Misty up on her offer to drive me home. When she pulls up on my drive I expect nobody to be there, because my parents are both at work, but Ash's car is on the drive. Misty turns to raise her eyebrow at me when she stops at the bottom, and I take a deep breath. I hadn't decided what I wanted to do yet, but he's here now, so I can't avoid him.