To Whom it May Concern...

.Still January 8 2024..

My habit in checking my phone for messages from him

It never gets old haha..

It only been 2 or is it 3 days after the break up...and I already miss him..

Just how much of a martyr are you, Aiko?

I miss the babies...Aiko and Shiro ...

I miss him 

I miss all of him 

He's drunk self when he wants to start over

But his sober self doesn't want to? Is that what he wants?

Like what? 

Which one is it?

If he ask me again 

I would straight up answer Yes

A thousand times, a billion times Yes

As long as I don't lose him again

People doesn't understand why I love him

I don't even know why I love him

I just do, I just love him 

I love him too much 

I wanted to celebrate my birthday with him

I wanted to but that can't be done because I'm stupid, replaceable, and unlovable

I'm not enough 

I don't deserve anything

I don't want to fall in love anymore

I don't want to fall in love anymore

He was all I ever wanted

All I ever needed

But I let him go again

He let me go

I want to fix our relationship and start over

I miss him... I miss Isel 

I rather be heartbroken than move on and act like strangers, like we never once part of each other's life... 

If God would allow fate to just bring us to the future to see if us are together, no more obstacles getting in our way... I want to see the smiles on our faces while we're together, I want to see us cuddling warmth in the same bed and scared to let go of each other... I want to see that in the future....

If God would let fate do their thing....and I'll cease to exist with a smile plastered on my face...

Is everything I want too hard to fulfill? I have never asked for anything in life other than him, I want to continue my story in this life, with him, not some stranger to create some memories again .. All I want is him to be part of my life again, that's all I ever want as my birthday present, is it too much to ask God?

I know I haven't been going to church and I know depression and laziness is not an excuse not to go, but just this once.... No just for the fourth time in my life, God and I'll never ask for anything, if he and I are meant to be and you're just doing what's written on your book of fate for the both of us, let us meet again and talk about everything. All I ever want to do is to settle down with the guy I love until marriage, not screwing around like an immature child.

Let thy Devil cease to exist that keeps creating obstacles for both of us in order to let us be together...

And if it doesn't happen... I'll pray for him to find his happiness, I don't care about my own happiness as long as I see or know that he's happy even if I'm not the reason, I'll take it. 

But I will never fall in love again the same way that I did to him. That's all I ever ask for my birthday...