Deep Water | Neteyam

20.

And he just knew it was over. He knew that it was truly over. He knew his body and his soul now had to take different paths. But he didn't want it to be over; he had so much to do and so much to say.

There were so many things that never left his mouth.

There were so many things that hadn't left his mouth enough times.

There were so many things that had to be said. So he tried with anything.

"Dad, I-" But he couldn't bring it out. And he panicked once more. Panicked that what he had to say wasn't meant to be said. Or heard.

His chest hurt. It hurt so much.

He knew his body and his soul now had to take different paths.

"It's okay, I'm here." Jake tried to calm him.

But Neteyam didn't feel okay. Indeed, he didn't feel anything near okay. He couldn't breathe; he could barely even talk anymore, and he felt like he was slowly losing himself.

And he now realized. His father was here. His brother, Tsireya and Spider.

Where was his mother? Where was Tuk? Where was Kiri? And where was Khalo?

Where was Khalo?

Neteyam didn't know, and he couldn't ask. He physically couldn't.

So Neteyam grabbed Lo'ak's arm just because he could do it; maybe it was to show Lo'ak something. He didn't even know what, it could be.

If it was just to tell him that Neteyam knew that Lo'ak was here. If it was to show that he was thankful. Thankful for Lo'ak as a brother. Thankful for him being here. Thankful for Lo'ak putting pressure on his wound, even though doing so must hurt Lo'ak. He couldn't imagine how it felt to feel a heartbeat go faster and faster, but at the same time weaker and weaker.

For Neteyam it felt like Lo'ak's pain must be worse than his own.

Neteyam came to the conclusion that it didn't matter why he grabbed Lo'ak's arm. All that mattered to him right now was that, like this, he could make sure that Lo'ak was with him, safe.

He heard an Ikran, and immediately thought of Karai. He knew that it wasn't him, but he wished it was. He wanted to see him. Even if it was for the last time. Just to do so for the last time.

Then he saw his mother. And he felt even worse. He wished she didn't have to see him like this. Not if she had already lost so many things, Neteyam thought that he mustn't be added to her list of lost things. He didn't wish to give her this pain.

He wished Tsireya wasn't here. Tsireya was too pure to see someone die. She didn't deserve it. She didn't deserve to see her friend die. She didn't deserve to deal with the aftermath.

He wished Lo'ak wasn't here.

He wished his father wasn't here.

He, in fact, wished no one was here with him right now. Because he didn't want anyone to have to see him like this. To see him fade away so painfully.

He just wished to be home. Home. The home that included trees, Atokirina, Ikrans, his grandmother, Karai, his family happy, and Khalo.

"No, no, no, no, no." He heard what his mother said. Mother. She sat next to his left. He felt her. He looked briefly at her, before he once again noticed that he couldn't breathe.

His chest hurt. His breath was heavy and fast, almost not giving him anything.

"It's okay, I'm here." Jake repeated, and Neteyam knew this time it wasn't said for him; his father said it for himself. And he understood.