What villainess am I?

Chapter 6 - Magic's Shadow

It has been two months since I began testing with my soul; I have pushed my attempts as far as I can without rousing suspicions, but today, I have my first test that will exceed my prior attempts. I will attempt to use my soul while asleep to touch someone and to see the effects. Nothing has come naturally with trying to touch someone's soul outside them reacting with surprise, so it is time to see if sleep changes the equation. I am also curious if sleep affects my ability to control my soul.

It may seem strange to ponder the ability to control your soul, but I am curious because I dared not attempt it as history has given me a healthy respect for sleep. I was worried, as my mind had slipped into some limbo-like state a few times, often leading to a dream or waking up with nar a memory. It was often an issue, but tonight or today, I will attempt to move within this limbo state.

I am even more intrigued as it brings into question ideas of the Ego and whether it is separate from the Soul or Mind. I will have to say I am not an expert, nor is my knowledge wealthy of it, but if I were to explain my situation, I could only tell of it as Ego, Soul, and Mind being separate. After all, I can "see" my soul apart from my body, but I can move it as my body. My understanding of Ego is the self, the essence that makes up a person; the soul is a nebulous "thing" that You hope goes to an afterlife; and the mind is like the instincts and previous knowledge, the thing that makes us part of the evolutionary tree if we want to give it a more fixed idea. I never took an in-depth course on these ideas, but even with this simple understanding, I think it is possible to begin observing what has happened to me. After all, is it not a curiosity that I can see my soul, move it freely, but still be "seen" as another existence by a god?

Shaking my head, I look to Janet; today is another lesson in our language, using plants and their monikers as basis. It has been delightful and less dangerous since the last time Mother had a fit when she learned of what garden we had walked into, and Janet had to apologize for a few hours.

I find it strange; maybe it is just an assumption, but Mother and Janet seem on overwhelmingly good terms, especially for a simple wetnurse who barely does much work. I shrug it off - as I must get to my studies, both of them.

"Young Lady, this is a Laturn Lily; can you say Lanturn?"

While patronizing as it may sound to a regular person, I can understand why Janet asks in such a manner. However, that does not make the matter any less irritating; with a small sigh, I reply,

"Lahntorn." I cringe as I have to speak slower to get a minuscule similarity. You may think it boarish; however, I loathe my voice. It is squeaky, grafting, and tortuous to my ears. While a child born blind, like me, may become used to their voice, I find it harder, especially as I understand what a proper voice can be. I sigh as I finish my reply; having to hear this voice for years to come is a terrible enough thought without considering I may be stuck with it.

I pause and take a yawn. My body reacts to having stayed up by asking it to sleep now, to which I oblige. The reason I chose Janet to begin this new test is, first, because she carries me close to herself. It is necessary since I don't have the best vision of my surroundings when asleep and will try to keep things close. Second, Janet will take me to my crib when I ask her, proper maid as she is. Alice is better for quick tests and control as she often lets go of me or pats me with a quaint soul as a target for testing.

With my parameters set, I quietly mumble to Janet a request, "Cuddle, please?" One may call me cruel for manipulating her like this, but it is necessary. There is nothing wrong with wanting a hug anyway, nothing wrong at all.

As I fall asleep, I focus my mind, using a, I must admit, childish way of attempting this. In my youth, I used a hypnosis app in which the hypnotist directed your mind as it fell into REM sleep and toured you through a dream. Simple as the idea may be, focusing my mind on specific words to direct it seemed to work when I was young, so there is no need to deny its efficacy now.