It isn't just surgeons. I don't know anyone who isn't haunted by something or someone. And whether we try to slice the pain away with a scalpel or shove it in the back of the closet...our efforts usually fail. So the only way we can clear out the cobwebs is to turn a new page and put the old story to rest... Finally, finally to rest.
So here I am, in an on-call room at the hospital, with my coworker's tongue down my throat, trying to move on, trying to forget. But truth is...I will probably never forget. I will never forget my first true love. I'm in pain, grieving his absence. But do I show it? Of course not.
The dictionary defines grief as keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret. As surgeons, as scientists, we are taught to learn and rely on books, on definitions, on definitives. But in life, strict definitions rarely apply.
Bones break. Organs burst. Flesh tears. We can sew the flesh, repair the damage, ease the pain. But when life breaks down...when we break down...there's no science. No hard and fast rules. We just have to feel our way through. Or pretend to not feel a damn thing. And to a surgeon there's nothing worse, but nothing better.
The door to the on call room flies open and Cristina, my best friend, comes in.
"Oh... Ooohhh. Sorry, did I interrupt something?" She smirks knowingly and I get off of Toby's lap.
Straightening my scrubs I clear my throat and looked at Cristina. "No, not at all." I fake a smile.
"Tobias Owen Anderson, I didn't know you had this in you!" Cristina said as she moved my shirt to look at a forming bruise on my neck.
"That's not my middle name. I should probably go, they need me in Peds." Toby stood up and left.
"Damn it Cristina!" I threw a pillow at her and laid down on the bed. She laid next to me and laughed.
"So, you and pretty boy? nice." She gave me a high five. "So...how are you? How are you feeling? Are you okay?"
"When are you going to stop suggesting that I'm suicidal?"
"When you start acting like someone who wants to be alive."
We both stayed quite and looked up at the ceiling.
"So, any good cases today?" Cristina asked.
"Yea actually. A man came in with pain in his lower abdomen."
"Bowel obstruction?"
"Yea that's what I thought, but he wouldnt tell us what he swallowed so I sent him to get a CT scan and you will never believe what we found."
Cristina just looked at me waiting for me to continue talking instead of guessing.
"Dolls." I said. "Dolls. But not the whole dolls, no no no. Doll heads. 10 to be exact."
"What the hel--"
Cristina was cut off by the beeping of her pager. A few seconds later mine rang too.
"E.R." She got up and I followed her.
When we got to the ER the cheif of surgery, Dr. Webber, came up to us.
"Great! Girls I have a 24 year old male with possible broken ribs and a 36 year old female with chest pains." Dr Webber said.
Before I could say anything Cristina said, "Dibs on the chest lady!"
"What? Oh, hey that's not fair!" I complained.
"Hey! You had doll man, I need something exciting. Ohhh I hope its a tear in the aortic valve. We're second year residents and I still haven't been able to get a chance to get my hands on a tear in the aortic valve."
"Ughh fine."
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Andy's POV
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Another day, another town, another show. I'm not complaining. This is the life! The band took off, we're doing pretty good. And the music is getting better and better if I do say so myself.
Rocking out on stage, like I'm doing now, is one of the best feelings in the world for me. The adrenaline rush is amazing. Looking out at the fans is amazing. One of my favorite things to do is stop singing in a middle of a song and hear the crowd keep singing.
We're in the middle of preforming All Your Hate and I'm so pumped with adrenaline I feel like this is a dream. I can't seem to get use to this, but I love the feeling. I climb onto a concrete balcony and sing from there.
I can see much more than I could on stage. The view is beautiful, amazing. After a while of contemplating how everything and everyone looks I decide its time to get off and back on stage. I climb down from the wall a little and jump off.
Halfway in mid air I decide this was probably not the best idea. My torso collides with the side of the stage and I feel an excruciating pain on my side. I quickly recover and get back on stage but I know something is wrong.
Since we were little we were told to always be safe. We try our best but sometimes its just not good enough. We buckle our seatbelts, we wear a helmet, we stick to the lighted paths. We try to be safe. We try so hard to protect ourselves but it doesn't make a damn bit of a difference cause when the bad things come, they come out of nowhere. The bad things come suddenly and with no warning. But we forget that, sometimes that's how the good things come too.
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I'm baaAAAccckkk!!!!! BOOK #2 WHOOO!! I know there's a lot of doctor talk/language here so if you guys don't understand what something is feel free to ask.
There's some greys anatomy quotes in this and will be all throughout the book so creds to them! Hope you guys like!
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New History- Andy Biersack A.U. (Book 2)
Fanfiction"As hard as we try to move forward, as tempting as it is to never look back, the past always comes back to bite us in the ass." (Book 2; the continued story of "Please Stay- Andy Biersack A.U.")
