feeling at my lowest, i began reading the letter, feeling all the love that was pouring from her words.
Justin,
If you're reading this letter, it's probably because you're feeling pretty terrible and like 'the whole world is against you'. No matter how you feel and how you think other people feel, just know that I love you. I love you endlessly to the moon and back, and I hope that brings you some kind of peace. On another note, who the fuck cares what other people think. Maybe you had a bad game and that's why you're reading this. Maybe you had a falling out with a friend. Or maybe your life hasn't been going as planned. Whatever it is, don't let it have power over you. There's so many people you have in your life, including me, and we're all here for you. I know I don't always say it, but just know I would do anything for you. Never forget that. Never forget the love I have for you. I always wish for the best for you, and for the millionth time, I love you.
with all my love,
y/n
a tear i hadn't noticed forming, made a blot the page. her words meant everything to me, like they always did.
she always had a way with words. being able to express her feelings through words instead of her mouth.
before i could change my mind, i pulled out my phone and clicked on my contacts app. i opened up her icon and hovered my finger over the call button.
'yes i want to do this, i need to do this.' i told myself and the line started ringing.
with every ring that passed, i got more discouraged. it was stupid to even call her in the first place, i mean i haven't spoken to her in like 4 years.
gathering the rest of my courage, i decided i was gonna leave her a voicemail.
'hi, sorry i couldn't come to the phone. probably busy with work or something. feel free to leave a message and i'll get back to you as soon as i can. have a great day, love you!' her voicemail sounded from my phone.
it almost made me laugh. she always used to tell everyone she loved them because it was true. in her words she wanted them to know she loved them so they would never forget someone was always there for them. she always had the sweetest heart.
that's what made it so much harder to think about her and how much i hurt her. she fogged my mind everyday, so i found it better to just forget. i'll never forgive myself for anything i did to her, and even more that i wanted to forget about her.
taking a breath of confidence, i began to talk after the beep.
"hey y/n, i know you haven't talked to you in a really long time, but i just wanted to call you and.. well i found the box of letters you gave me for christmas. gotta say, y/n/n, they made me cry." i gave a small laugh. "in all seriousness i'm sorry. there's so much for me to be sorry for, but i know that i've tried to forget about you which is what i need to be sorry for the most. needless to say, i couldn't. i mean who could. you lit up every room you walked into. i don't really know what to say anymore except for i love you and i'm sorry. oh and call me back, if you want. i really want someone like you in my life again but i completely understand if you don't want me in yours. bye, love you."
i ended the call and leaned up against the wall.
i looked down at the letters and realized how many i wanted to read.
'open this when you're anxious' she always knew how to calm me down, and after calling her i could definitely need some anxiety reduction.
'open this when you miss me' more than anything.
'open this when you get drafted' i never did open it.
i held the anxiety letter in my hands, which were slightly shaking. i started to slowly open it but i was interrupted. my phone started ringing. i grabbed it and before i could spiral further, i clicked the accept button when i saw it was y/n.
"justin?" i hear her say. the first thing she's said to me in years. i almost forgot how it felt to hear her say that, how i missed hearing her say that.
"yeah it's me, um how are you?" i asked, voice slightly quavering. i'm sure the average person could never have heard it, but this is y/n we're talking about. it's stupid to think she wouldn't notice.
"well i'm pretty good, but you don't sound great. what's wrong, why'd you call me and leave that voicemail?"
"oh so you listened to it"
"yeah i did. okay j, i'm not gonna beat around the bush. let it out." she said, bluntly. deciding to not fight her, i let out everything on my mind and my heart.
"i really miss you, and that's not fair that i say that and i don't call you for years, but it got too much. and the letters. i love those fucking letters y/n/n. i haven't been able to even go on a date since we broke up. i just.. i just love you a lot and i needed to tell you that. i get it if you don't want to ever see me again, but it felt so great to even hear your voice again." i was working through my tears my entire speech and i'm pretty sure she heard that.
she let out a sigh before she spoke again, "justin i love you too. and if you want, i actually live in chicago. i'll meet you at the coffeehouse on michigan avenue because i miss you too. don't make me regret this justin please."
"i won't. i swear to god i won't. i'll be there i swear." i said already getting my shit ready. "i love you"
"i love you more"
i'm gonna make a second part to this because i threw it together pretty quickly.
i would like to say that i took inspiration from a the "love always" chapter in a justin fields book written by justliketoreadsowhat you should def check it out it's amazing
i love your book girly and hope you like this chapter.
love you <3
open when... (justin fields)
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