And All That Could Have Been (Steddie)

The Worriment Waltz

Eddie didn't sleep that night. All he could think about was Charlotte. She was all that mattered to him. His feelings for Steve didn't matter. He didn't even really hate Steve. How could he? He felt nothing for Steve. Steve wasn't to blame for Eddie meeting him at the motel. That was all Eddie. He was a grown man with a daughter to take care of. Sure, he was stupid and pathetic for reacting the way he had to the whole situation, for everything he'd done since that first day he'd seen Steve at the Christmas tree lot.

Everything that Eddie had done had been borne of his own stupidity. He knew better than to react the way he had. He knew better than to feel the things he'd felt. He knew better than to hurt and disappoint his little girl. He couldn't blame Steve. He only blamed himself. And blaming himself went right along with him doing everything in his power to correct his mistakes and atone for his sins. He could do that. He was strong. He held his family together. He didn't have to be stupid.

When the sun came up, Eddie went downstairs and made some coffee then went and stood in front of the Christmas tree as he sipped it. There were a few gifts under the tree, but most of them were in his closet in his bedroom. He knew that Charlotte didn't believe in Santa Claus; she hadn't believed in that stuff since she was ten. But Eddie still tagged most of her presents as being from Santa, and he didn't put them under the tree until she went to bed on Christmas Eve.

Her big gift, the one he was most excited to give her, wouldn't fit under the tree. That gift was locked in a storage unit on the edge of town until Christmas. It was only Saturday and Christmas wasn't until Wednesday, but he'd made plans with Louie from the diner. He'd wait until midnight on Christmas Eve and then he'd bring Charlotte's gift for Eddie to wrap. It was the red Mustang that she'd been dreaming of for so long. Even though her sixteenth birthday wasn't until May, Eddie would go ahead and give her the car. The gigantic green bow he was going to put on the hood was in a box in the garage, and the keys were already under the tree.

Keys. Eddie glanced towards the desk. He would spend the rest of his life making it up to Charlotte for even having that thought. The fact that she'd even recognized that in him scared the shit out of him. It had only been a fleeting thought. He wouldn't have done it. He couldn't have done it. He couldn't leave Charlotte alone like that. He was all she had. That memory from last night made him feel sick to his stomach. He started to turn back towards the tree but stopped when something caught his eye. The bottom drawer wasn't closed all the way.

Eddie went to the desk and pulled the drawer open. It was empty. He glanced towards the stairs as he heard Charlotte starting to stir upstairs. She'd taken his keys. He'd thought at the time that she just wanted to get them away from him. He had no clue that she'd actually take the gun. Eddie sat his coffee on the table in front of the couch and made his way upstairs. When he got to Charlotte's bedroom door, he could hear her talking, so he stopped to listen for a moment.

He couldn't understand all the words because she was talking quietly, but he did catch the word gun and that scared him. He tapped lightly on her door and her voice stopped for a long moment before she called for him to come in. As Eddie pushed the door open, Charlotte turned her back to him as she spoke on the phone.

"I've got to go," she said. "I'll see you tomorrow." She hung up and then turned to face her dad. "Good morning, daddy."

"Who're you talking to this early, peanut?"

"That was Aunt Robin," she said. "I invited her to come spend Christmas with us. She'll be here around lunch tomorrow."

"That's nice." Eddie and Charlotte stood there, eyes locked, neither of them moving. They were both waiting for the other to say something first, but Eddie could tell by the insolent look in her eyes that Charlotte was not going to back down and be the first. "Where is it?"