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Aaliyah Gordon🦋
I wasn't big on physical touch. i never was, even growing up. maybe it's because the only form of physical touch i got wasn't the good kind. of course i later on got out of that situation and tried not to let it affect me as i got older.
I started my own business at 16, finally able to move out at 17 and i've been living and doing everything alone since. i learned to take care of myself before i even reached my teens.
but that changed when i met a man who loved me. he praised the ground i walked on every chance he could get, always trying to spoil me by treating me to dates and designer gifts. i appreciated it but learning to accept his treatment was something way harder. i've always been the one doing things for myself so it felt wrong to have someone treat me this way.
not only that, but he was big on physical touch. always wanting to hold my waist or my hand. giving me random hugs and kisses, pulling me onto his lap. and while i wanted to love this behavior, it was hard for me. i knew duke would never hurt me but it was difficult after everything i been through.
he doesn't know much about my past. i never speak about my parents, i never speak about my siblings or my foster homes..i never spoke of the abuse or being taken advantage of. i never spoke about the hardships and how difficult growing up was for me. i never spoke of any of it, in fear of him judging me or choosing to step back because he didn't wanna deal with someone so complicated.
but i figured i should tell him soon. in order for him to understand and to allow myself to take this leap forward, i have to open up to him somehow in someway. i have to try to tell him.
he's never brought up my distance when he tries to touch me, in respect of my own comfort and space, but i could tell he felt some type of way about it. i always assured him that it wasn't him, it was personal stuff that i had to deal with. and he would always encourage me to talk to him about it. and even though i said i would, i never built up the courage.
he would be one of the first people to know anything about anything that i've been through. i've always kept it to myself, thinking that i could just push it in the back of my head, hoping that those memories would disappear.
i blinked, taking myself out of my thoughts as i stared out the diner window. duke and i had just came back from the AMP house after a long day of filming. we were too tired to cook so we decided to stop by a small diner and get dinner.
he was currently in the bathroom, leaving me alone for a few minutes at the table. i spent those few minutes enjoying the dark city that was lit up with street and building lights, along with signs and billboards. it looked beautiful.
