Never Be The Same - A Charlie and Nick Story

Chapter 15 - Official First Date Jitters

He puts the playlist on and I start to drive to the closest movie theater. The entire car ride, Charlie and I cannot stop singing along to the songs. I park the car and we wait for the song to finish before I turn the car off. "You really know how to pick some good music Char." I say and squeeze his hand quickly. I let go of his hand before climbing out of the car. We start to walk inside and I go to grab his hand, our fingers brushing slightly but I pull away quickly. "I am sorry." I whisper. We walk to the elevator to head down from the parking lot. "I am really sorry." I whisper again, my eyes closing as I rest my head against the glass windows of the elevator. "Nick, it's okay. I do not want to push you." He says softly. I open my eyes to see him with a small smile on his face, a reassuring one. He leans his head against the glass so he's looking into my eyes."One step at a time okay?" He asks, his smile growing. I nod my head before standing up, just in time for the elevator to open.

We walk next to each other, not too close though so people wouldn't get the wrong idea... Even though he is my boyfriend. Nick he's your boyfriend...

"Two tickers for The Ballad of the Songbirds and Snakes." Charlie says when we get to the counter. The young girl hands him two tickets and we start to walk to the concessions. "Do you want any snacks?" I ask, my hands tightly in my pocket. "We can do a mix of salty and sweet." He says, smiling and I nod my head. We get a popcorn bucket and a soda. I grab two straws and place them in the cup. As we start to walk to the theater he giggles a little as he sips out of one of the straws. "We are sharing now?" He asks which causes me to laugh a little. "Yeah, it is a date after all." I say, my face flushing a little. "Is that the official rule of dating?" He says, a little flirtatiously. "Yeah." I say and laugh.

We are almost at the theater room when I stop in my tracks. "Oi, is that Nick?"

My eyes widen as I slowly turn to see the majority of the rugby team walking towards me. As they get closer, turns out it's not just the rugby team, but Ben is with them. "What are you doing here?" Harry says as he comes and shakes my hand, pulling his shoulder to mine in a "bro-fashion." I look over at Charlie who is doing everything in his power to not look at the group, especially Ben. "We are just taking a study break to see a movie." I say as calm as possible. Please don't say anything stupid, Harry. Please don't...

"Oh is this him? The one who was flirting with you even after you told him you weren't gay" Harry says, looking over his shoulder at Ben. "Yeah that's Charlie."Ben says and starts laughing, causing everyone to laugh. I look over at Charlie who has his hands on his biceps nervously. "We are just going to go." I say, my voice filling with a small amount of irritation. I am about to turn around to head to our theater when Harry goes, "It's definitely a date." I turn around and see Harry giving fist pumps and high-fives to the other rugby lads. "Nick and Charlie sitting in a tree-" I stop processing anything anyone says. My hands start to shake, the popcorn falling on the floor. I stare at the group, my breathing becoming sporadic as I see Otis, Sai and Christian. They are just looking at the ground, not making eye contact with me.

My vision starts to go blurry and I start to get dizzy. My legs start to get shaky and I feel myself starting to sweat. I turn around quickly, the entire popcorn bucket splattering on the floor as I start to speed walk back the way we came. Once I round the corner to head to the elevator, I start to run in a full sprint. I can't breathe. I can't do this.

I run up the stairs the 3 flights and run to my car. When I try to get the keys out of my pocket, my hands are so shaky that I drop them on the ground. When I go to pick them up, I just slide to the ground, my back resting on my car door. I feel tears flowing down my cheeks and my heavy, sporadic breathing turns into loud gasps. I pull my legs as close as I can to my chest and run my fingers through my hair before pressing my face into my hands.

What if they say something?
What if it goes all over campus?
What if they kick me out as captain?
What if no one talks to me after this from the team?
What if my flatmates kick me out?

"Hey Nick, I am here." I jump as I feel hands on my cheeks."Ch-Cha-Char." I try to speak but I can't breathe. "Nick you are okay." He say calmly. "I-I-I c-can't b-br-breathe." I get out. I try to say something else but only a wheeze comes out. My eyes widen, full of fear as Charlie's face tries to stay calm but I can see he is getting nervous. "Nick, here hold my hand." He grabs my hand and I squeeze it incredibly tight. I try to loosen when I hear him let out a small grunt but he squeezes my hand so I do not let go.

"Nick, try and breathe with me." He places my hand on his chest and I try to breathe with him. "It's n-not..." I can't finish my sentence and I feel my entire body start to shake. He places a hand on my chest in hopes of helping. I close my eyes and rest my head against my car, I try to breathe in but I feel my lungs tighten up. I tilt my head down and see Charlie crying, incredibly scared. His eyes look across my face, thinking of something to do.

I feel like I am about to pass out, the word spinning. I move my hands to my chest, unable to get any air into my lungs. I can barely see Charlie when all of a sudden I feel his lips on mine. My eyes widen in surprise before closing as my heart beat starts to slow down. A minute passes before he slowly pulls back slightly, his forehead resting against mine. I take a few deep breaths, finally able to gather myself. He pulls back completely, wiping the streaks of tears from my face.

"You are safe now, Nick." He whispers. I wipe the few tears from his face before pulling him into probably the tightest hug I have ever given him. I finally feel how shaky I am and try to calm down physically. When I pull back, he is smiling softly at me. We look into each other's eyes for a few moments before I break the silence. "Charlie, I am so-" He cuts me off before I can finish. "Nick, please do not apologize." He whispers, his hands running reassuringly through my hair. I close my eyes with his touch.

"Charlie, please let me say what I need to say." I say before opening my eyes. "I am so sorry. I just wanted this to be the perfect first date. I wanted this to just be a good and normal date and I ruined it. I had a... a p-panic attack and ruined the whole thing." I try to move my hands to rest them in my chest but he takes both of my hands in his. "Nick, you did not ruin anything. I promise." He whispers. "We are supposed to be boyfriends and I can't even act like it." He squeezes my hands before he pulls them to his lips. A small smile sparks across my lips but slightly fades.

He leans forward to kiss my cheek. "Nick, I know this is hard for you. We can take a step back and go back to the way things were before?" He suggests but I shake my head. "I just need to look more into figuring out my... my.. sexuality and I think I will not feel as bad as I do." I pause to take a deep breath. "I want to be your boyfriend, Char. I just don't know what I really am and I want to know before we come out to everyone."

And just like that, another weight feels like it is lifted off my shoulders. I look at Charlie again and see him smiling brightly, as if he is reading my mind at my confession. This causes me to smile. I wrap both of my hands on the side of his face and pull his lips to mine, kissing him passionately. I rest my forehead against his and we savor this moment. He stands up first, reaching his hand out to pull me up with him. He hugs me tightly before letting me go all together. "Why don't I drive us back?" He suggests and I nod my head. He opens the passenger door for me to get in, shutting it once I am sitting down. He gets in the driver side and adjusts the seat a little.

"How did you know that a kiss would help?" I ask once he starts driving. He has both his hands on the wheel so I place my hand lightly on his thigh which causes him to smile. "I read it somewhere." He says, laughing a little. I look over at him, the moonlight reflecting off his skin, enhancing all the features of his face. I almost feel like I can't breathe again. I look away before he notices. I can't believe Charlie is my boyfriend. I can't believe I have such an amazing and caring boyfriend...