Dallas is a freshman in a new place. College. Far away from home. It's the first time that he's ever left home. Now he's going to do it for four years straight?! He's ready and nervous, but when he meets his new roommate Lazaro who's a bit goofy and...
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I stared straight ahead as my mother continued to scream at me and cuss me out. At least that's what it looked like. I got a call about her overdosing so of course I came to check on her. Just wanted to make sure she wasn't dead...
I arrived here with my brother after a few hours and all I could say was that this was a mistake. How could I still love this woman? How did I still love this woman? Yea, she's my mom but she's done nothing but abuse me for so long. I don't know what to do. I just want my momma to love me. Is that so fucking bad? Do I not deserve that shit? I don't even give a fuck what she's done anymore I just want her to love me.
Ma...please...
She's yelling at me again. Her monitor is going off.
Landon, translate what she's saying to me...
I'm not doing that shit. She's talking crazy-
I can't hear man...
"I'm on drugs because of you. This is all your fault. I was fine before I got pregnant with you and then beat on because I was pregnant with you. I never wanted to be on drugs! I never wanted to have two bastards yet I did and the only one that made me get beat was you! I'm high because elf you! At some point, you have to look at what yourself and say oh yea maybe I'm just a terrible son that triggers my momma! I can't even stand to be around you unless I'm fucking high! You'll never understand my pain! Now I have a disabled son who acts like I owe him something. I don't owe you shit! Lil sissy!"
I nodded my head wiping my face as more tears fell.
Landon, tell her I said "I love you and I just want my momma sometimes. I'll do better to make you happy and to get you to help and I just need a hug. It can go a long way. I've been through a lot ma, and I really love you. And I want you to get better. I know you don't mean the things you say to me and that you're just not yourself right now. I still love you though ma,"
She says...she would rather die than hug you and she wishes you would try to...kill yourself again. It would make her happy...Laz I-
I got up and walked out of the room quickly going out to the car and hopping in. I put my hand in my hands and started sobbing hard into my hands. What did I do wrong? I didn't mean to upset anyone.
I only want one thing right now...
To go home and cry in peace. That's what I get for being a bad son. I should have forced her to go to rehab and tried harder. I fear she may be too far gone now and I don't like that.
I sat there crying waiting for my brother to come out and after a few minutes, he finally came out and got into the car. He started it up without bothering me and started on our drive back to the college. I wiped my face and sighed only as more tears came out. I'm having a bad day today. Really bad. My head is killing me now.
