Starcrossed Losers - [A Kili X OC fic]

Chapter XLIII

"You were awfully absent today." A voice suddenly cut through the silent ambiance, alerting both Raewyn and Farris of the new presence. Neither seemed surprised by it. Raewyn turned around slightly, forcing a smile onto her face. "Did you follow me here?" Kili grinned at that, walking up to the two. "Perhaps." The Asha scanned his figure, that same atmosphere as this afternoon suddenly flushing through her. He seemed to ooze royalty now. "You look regal." She remarked. Immediately, his energy seemed to change, his eyes rolling around as he made a silly face, clumsily lifting the great cloak off of his shoulders. "It's so heavy." He exaggerated in true Kili fashion. The material hit the floor with a heavy thud, before Kili sat down next to it, rolling his shoulders back. "That's better."

Raewyn couldn't suppress the brief chuckle at his antics, shaking her head at him. Kili's eyes found hers, slowly drifting to her dress. "How is your back?" She shrugged as if it was nothing, ignoring the scratching of her bandages. "Aching. Burning. Nothing new." Kili didn't seem to catch on to her nonchalant figure, his eyebrows furrowing together in hurt. "It's been worse. You shouldn't worry about it." She tried to reassure. He just nodded in a mocking manner. "I'll stop worrying when you can't feel it anymore."

"How are your hands?" Raewyn tried to change the subject, referring to his still bandaged hands. "Sore." He muttered, flexing his fingers as if to make his point. A mischievous smile climbed onto his face as he looked up at her through his lashes. "It's been worse." Raewyn scoffed at that in humour, leaning her head back slightly. She tried to regulate the expressions on her face. As long as he thought you were okay, a voice echoed in her head. Her smile, however, seemed to fall quicker than intended, now replaced by a far-off stare. Kili noticed it immediately.

"Are you alright?"

She looked at him, mentally cursing herself for dropping her mood so quickly. "Peachy." She tried to placate, but when Kili didn't answer that, she knew he didn't believe her. With a heavy sigh, she fed Farris another piece, ignoring the rough tugging on her heartstring. "I feel tense - on edge." She confessed, now looking down at the owl, somewhat anxious to meet his gaze. It didn't help that he seemed to look at her regardless of where her eyes fell. She could feel his worried eyes on her. "What for?" "I don't know." She muttered. "It's like the imminent dread of some sort of event. It feels inescapable."

Kili let out a silent 'ah' of understanding, nodding along with it, even though she couldn't see it. "Any way I can help?" "No," She answered. I think you're actually making it worse. She didn't dare to say that out loud, even if it was the truth. She was already feeling inner turmoil, but at the mere mention of his name or brief glances of him thrown her way seemed to only amplify it, a heavy pit settling into her stomach. Him actually talking to her made her want to dig a hole in the concrete floor and lay in it for an undecided amount of time.

When it became clear she wasn't going to comment on it any further, Kili tried to change the topic: "Bilbo is leaving as soon as the sun rises." And the sinking feeling in her stomach seemed to have reached the bottom, an almost nauseating feeling now rising up. She hated it. Even when facing Smaug, she hadn't felt like this. It was terrible - she hated it. She felt incredibly hot, and began to pay a lot of attention to her breathing. Not because it began to speed up; because it seemed to be the only thing she could hear clearly.

"So he told me." She tried to play off. "It's weird - I'm already missing the little bugger." Kili mumbled, his voice hitting her even harder. "I'll tell him you said that." She mused absentmindedly. She didn't know if she actually said it out loud, because the dwarf didn't speak afterwards. It was just a sudden silence - perhaps comfortable for him, but it was dreadful for her. She needed to talk about something else. Anything else.

"What will happen once the dwarves have returned to the mountain?" She managed out, still not meeting his eyes. She heard Kili laugh slightly at her question. "All the dwarrowdams will be wearing all kinds of silly dresses. And I don't doubt there will be many awfully stupid meetings. A kingdom back on the rise will likely do that." Trying to copy his sarcasm, she nodded along: "That sounds entertaining." "It's dreadful," He claimed. "But if you'll stay, I could talk with the fun captain of the guard."