Starcrossed Losers - [A Kili X OC fic]

Chapter XLII

When Raewyn refused to verbally respond to him, he decided to keep going carefully. "He raised you as a child - I thought you considered him family. I'm not saying he gets to decide your life, but what he did was with good reason." "Are you turning against me too?" That made Kili halt. Gently, he sat down on his knees in front of her, now seeing her face. Rage had washed into guilt and sorrow, and he could not help but let the emotions pierce his heart as well.

"Rae," He began softly, placing his hands on top of hers, its coarse bandages lightly scratching her skin. "No one is turning against you." "It feels like it." She mumbled, not moving under his hold. She slowly raised her head, meeting the dwarf's eyes. "He lied to me, Kili." As much as he understood Gandalf's point, he felt for Raewyn. To have the one thing you consider family hiding the fact that you still have living ancestors out there, even after witnessing the brutal massacre of the rest of them. He understood her as much as he understood the old wizard, which meant he also realised that trying to convince her of Gandalf's innocence was not going to work now.

"Listen to me," He tried. "Everyone here has done their best to keep you safe, to keep you healing. No one in this mountain right now has any ideas of turning against you." Searching his eyes for any kinds of lies or amusement, she sighed. She knew he was being honest - he always was against her. She didn't necessarily need to observe him in order to recognise that. She simply sought an excuse to look at him just a little longer. But his shift of conversation seemed to work for now, for a cracked smile appeared on her face: "That must have been a pain,"

Shaking his head with a tiny chuckle, he looked down at their hands, noting the slight tension in Raewyn's. "Must've hurt Thorin's ego." She followed, a hint of humour on her tongue. Then, sincerity returned: "How long was I out?"

He knew the question was coming; it must have been on her mind since the moment she woke. In all truth, he had lost count of it. He lost count after two days, when sleep failed to visit him regularly. "Longer than we wanted," He settled on, which wasn't a lie for him. "But you are here, that is what matters. Don't waste your energy on distrusting family or starting fights. Please, just focus on healing now."

A soft smile made its way to Raewyn's face, barely recognisable, but Kili saw it. "You're good at this." She muttered. "Talking." "I'm an excellent talker." The dwarf joked, shooting a wink her way. "I know," She agreed. "Thank you."

Ultimately, the dwarf rose, letting go of Raewyn's hands as he looked around the dishevelled tent. The smell of blood, mud and sweat hung heavy in the air, and he scrunched his nose up as the scent finally reached him. "We should get you to your room. I figure this can become clammy." "My room?" The Asha voiced confused, observing the dwarf intently. "Yes," He nodded, turning to Raewyn. "We would not let you stay here in the barns."

Her face fell slightly upon his speech, not knowing how to go against his words again. Unfortunately, she'd be as honest to him as he was to her, and she shook her head to him. "Kili, I do not know if I will stay here." The smile from his face disappeared quickly, a worried glance in his eyes now. A weightless yet sinking feeling entered his stomach: "Why not?"

Shrugging in futility, Raewyn looked at her empty hands. "It is not really a home for a ranger, is it?" Kili's head leaned to the side slightly, a worried frown on his face, all decisions and thoughts swirling through his head in a whirlwind. "It doesn't have to be." "Ki-" "The reason you wanted to join this quest was to kill the last name on your father's list, was it not?" He interrupted quickly. A look of wonder crossed Raewyn's face, her eyes falling on his figure. "You remembered that?" She wondered incredulously.

"You are done," He sighed aloud, falling back to his knees, the Asha's eyes following his every movement. "Rae, you don't have to avenge your family's name your entire life. You forgave Thorin, you killed the dragon, you killed Azog, you met your aunt. You did it, Rae. You avenged them." Again, his hands found hers, squeezing them through his pain. Piercing brown eyes met hers, a look so pleading in them, she was speechless for them for a second. "So what is in it for you now?"