Chapter 1

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Author's Notes: Welcome to my first fan fiction (and first completed book ever)! :D I hope you all enjoy. Feedback and positive criticism are much appreciated. Don't worry about this chapter being in Jordan's POV; you'll get Wag next chapter. ;) Things kick off with Wag waking up after the mission to rescue Martha from her nightmare...

*Jordan's POV*

"Sparklez, not only did you take advantage of my unconscious body, you then downloaded me onto a hard drive, invaded the sanctity of my home, and destroyed my comfy bed. I would expect higher morals from the champion of Ianite and more consideration from a friend." An irate Waglington snapped over the communicator.

"Hey don't forget we toted you around town on a crane and got your ta..."

"Tucker, you're not helping!" I cut Tucker off before he could give away the best part. I was not going to let his gloating mess up the pranks we still had planned. I wiped some sweat from my forehead with my jacket's sleeve as I continued trudging across the scorching expanse of bedrock that is the roof of the Nether, heat rising off the dark plain in waves.

"You flew me around town on that blasted crane?! No wonder I feel so stiff and sore. Were you even trying to be careful?" Wag whined while a popping crack could be heard over the communicator.

"Hey are you two getting static on your end?" I asked quickly, reaching my left hand up to my ear piece, worry creasing by brow. The last thing I needed on this wonnnderful day was the Nether heat melting the circuits in my communicator. I usually had it protected from the elements under my armor, none of which I had on me for this little adventure.

"No, Sparklez; that would be my spine. You do realize I'm about 300 years old under these rugged good looks and wizard robes. I'm going to have to break out the regeneration potions when I get home. I feel like I haven't moved in weeks." Wag sighed over the com line.

"You were only out for 3 days this time. Don't worry; you didn't miss much. Just the end of the world and all. Wait, I thought you were home. You killed Sparklez, and then teleported him to the Nether like, 20 minutes ago." Tucker asked. I could practically see him scratching the back of his head with a confused look on his face as he tried to do the math. A wry grin curled my lips. I won't be suffering alone here for long now, I thought to myself.

"Tucker, are you still at your blood altar?" I asked, growing impatient.

"Yeah. Why?" he replied curtly.

"Could you step outside and see what time it is? I'm almost to the breach in the bedrock, and I'd really prefer to drag myself home unmolested by mobs once I'm back in the Overworld." I answered mostly truthfully, now sweating buckets in the oppressive heat billowing from the hole broken through the roof of the Nether. Finally! Almost out of here, I sighed to myself, pausing before starting the long climb down the ladder left by whoever had first broken through the unbreakable material, trying to ignore the occasional splinter that caught my skin. Was it Tom that had done it this time? I really couldn't remember, and I really didn't care just then. I could feel myself becoming dehydrated and wanted nothing more than to drink a small lake. Though sharing my misery wasn't that bad of an alternative.

"Yep, it's nighttime out here. At least it's not a blood moon tonight. I could..." Tucker got cut off mid sentence by static. A few seconds later a message popped up on my wrist communicator, indicating Tucker had been slain by magic, followed by a string of expletives and curses from the king of salt over the communicator. "Waagg! Dang it; now I have soul fray. Do you have any idea how annoying that is?" Tucker's abrasive voice continued to rant, despite the laughter ringing across the com from both Wag and I.

Wait for it, I thought, grinning to myself despite the exhaustion seeping into my limbs as I came within sight of the portal out of this literal hell.

"Noooooooo!" Tucker's rant ended abruptly, with Wag teleporting him to the Nether to join me, minus all his armor and tools. We had both stripped the soulbinding from all of our gear a few days before, except the communicators. Following the radiation fiasco we'd decided it wasn't worth the risk of having to remake all of our best gear if we died while out on adventure. The only downside to playing it safe was, when we respawned, we had literally nothing on us. My mistake. Oh well, at least I'm finally out of here, I console myself as I climb onto the platform housing the obsidian portal frame, Wag's triumphant, if tired, laughter the only sound over the com channel.

"Alright, you two, we're even now. No further retribution will be exacted at this time. I've left your things intact. I really thought you knew better than to f*ck with a wizard." He scolded with mock disappointment before he muted his communicator, effectively ending the conversation.

"Well someone woke up on the wrong side of the Nvidia today." Tucker stated—still salty—after Wag left the com channel.

"Yeah, he was a bit more purgeturbed than usual this time. He can usually take a joke. Then again, I think he's only ever been out this long one other time" I replied, wondering if the continuing blackouts were contributing to the grey-cloaked wizard's particularly foul mood today. "And you could have been more careful moving him; you caught him on the wall at least five times trying to get him through that door."

"Maybe I could have; maybe the crane's really hard to operate. But yeah, guess I'd be pretty ticked off too if a failed spell kept making me black out weeks after testing it," Tucker consented. "But, come on; sending us to the Nether with no gear?! Not cool, man. So, Jordan, what are we going to do to get him back?"

"I think we should leave him alone for a little while; let him cool off." The image of a furious Wag emerging from my spatial storage setup, spell book and right hand glowing dangerously, was still fresh in my mind. I sometimes forgot just how powerful he was, even after losing his magic teleporting to this world. "Besides we still have his voodoo poppets—which you almost TOLD him about. Just try not to do or say anything too obvious. I want to see how long we can keep this running. I have to head back to my Fortress of Fury. I was in the middle of upgrading my blood altar when Wag woke up," I said as I turned toward the portal, debating whether I should jump in the pool when I got back or shower first. The blood altar could wait until I didn't smell like singed hair and sulfur and I'd had some rest.

"Alright, alright. Have fun... Copycat Sparklez..." I barely heard Tucker add under his breath as I put my right foot on the obsidian frame.

That does it. The heat exhaustion may have been getting to me, making me more irritable, or maybe I was just tired of that old jab when everyone and their intuition made ME systems and reactors after I'd already done all the hours of troubleshooting and problem-solving involved in setting up the first ones at my base. Don't even get me started on finding all those meteors, looking for rare components needed for the circuit boards. I am so fed up with that nickname, as if Sparkleyd*ck and Twinkle Thighs aren't bad enough.

Seeing a chunk of cobble lying near the softly humming portal, I bent over and picked up the smoldering rock barehanded, quickly tossing and catching it a few times as I scanned the area for a target. Perfect, I grinned to myself as I spotted a zombie pigman sporting a golden chestplate less than 20 feet from the portal. I stepped backwards through the swirling portal as I flung the cobblestone at the unsuspecting pigman. The projectile hit it square on the back of the head, producing a squeal of surprise and anger from its undead victim.

Climbing out of the underground ruins of my first base in Ruxomar—which the Nether portal was still linked to somehow—I heard only the gentle stirring of tree branches in the late night breeze and the occasional moan of a zombie in the distance. All was dark aside from a few torches still lit in my Fortress and a spot of light off in the direction of Waglington's wizard tower. Halfway to the base of my mountain home, I had the satisfaction of hearing Tucker scream something about pigmen before I muted my communicator, my left ear ringing. So worth it, I thought as I burst into laughter.


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