RWBY: Remnant's Blond Bard

Chapter 4

"In a good way."

"Mmm. I know. That doesn't mean I have to like it."

"They can't be tiny children playing hide and seek and telling you how much they love you forever."

"They could be," she complained. "Amber hasn't said it in weeks."

"She's at that age. She's too cool to say she loves her parents."

Too cool? There was nothing less cool. Then again, she'd lost hers in Mountain Glenn, and had never had the chance to really remind them of that fact. Nicky sensed her mood darkening and quickly distracted her with featherlight kisses up and down her neck. Juniper squirmed and wriggled in his hold. "Nicky!" she gasped. "What if the kids see?"

"We have eight of them. I think they know what we get up to by—"

"SHUT UP!"

The two froze as their son's voice echoed upstairs.

"Did he hear us—?" asked Juniper, only to be interrupted by her son shouting again.

"You have literally the whole world available to you! Why the hell are you screaming outside my window at six in the morning!? Find another bloody tree!"

"Caww! Cawww!"

"I don't exist to feed you!"

"Hoooot!"

"You can piss off as well! You're meant to be nocturnal! Go to sleep!" The window slammed shut, and then the window slammed back open again. "Also, you caught a vole or a fieldmouse last night and I had to hear its dying screams as you tore its head off. Can you please do that away from my window? I realise you need to eat and nature is cruel and stuff but think of others! Thank you!"

The window slammed shut again.

Juniper giggled, while Nicholas sighed. At least some things were going on as normal, up to and including Coral shouting that she'd stab Jaune in the throat if he didn't shut up and let her rest. It was too late by that point, and everyone in the Arc household was awake.

"Things have been getting a little too exciting here lately, haven't they?" asked Nicky. "First that business with the bandits, and then that robbery Jaune wandered into and somehow talked down."

"Tell me about it."

"Well, I was thinking we might give them all a break... and ourselves..."

Juniper cocked her head to the side. "Hmm? I'm listening."

"Well..."

/-/

Jaune trudged down to breakfast with a yawn and a lump on the back of his head where Coral had smacked him one. It had cost him 10hp. Go figure. It was hard to say he didn't deserve it since she'd had her sleep interrupted for the better part of a week now and was already begging anyone who would listen to trade rooms with her.

Not like any of them would.

"Okay everyone," said Juniper, setting a huge pot of breakfast down for them to pick bits and pieces off. Jaune hung back like the smallest hyena, watching as the girls lunged at the buffet like ravenous animals over a downed carcass. It wasn't like mom didn't make enough, and there were still two eggs, toast, bacon and hashbrowns left over for him at the end. "Your father and I have an announcement to make!"

"Oh, come on!" groaned Jade. "Another one? Isn't eight children enough!? Get a vasectomy already, dad!"

Nicholas Arc coughed into his coffee and Juniper paused, then giggled. "Not this time, darling. The news isn't pregnancy related for once."