Natapos ang labanan nila and sila ay ding! Alam mo na, of course department namin to e. And dahil ako ang bida sa storyang ito dapat kami ay talo. Yup. Akala mo panalo? Nope. Nah-uh, pinaglaruan lang sila ng kalaban.
Ako naman as a supportive friend. Namamatay kakatawa sa inuupuan ko. Kita ko sa mukha ni Ruan ang pagod nya sa kakatakbo at kakaagaw ng bula. She give her best, I'll say second siya sa mvp. Mvp sa talo hahha
Laki ng agwat ng score nila. Si Jen naka shoot ng isa, si Elloree ewan. Parang design lang dyan sa court ata yan. Kaya ako natatawa sakanila e. Pati ibang teammates nila halatang hindi marunong. Parang rush na piniling players para lang may maka present sa department namin. Kaawa awa.
Pero ang mvp sa talong laro ay walang iba kundi ang babaeng nagbibigay sakin ng weird feeling. Si Zheyrine.
Napapatalon ako bigla pag nakakapuntos siya tas sisigaw. Alam ko pansin niya yun kasi nafefeel ko kahit hindi siya lumingon or tumingin sakin. Kaya nga weird e.
Like we're somehow connected.
Tinawag ako ng mga kaibigan ko na lapitan sila. Hinahanap ng mata ko agad si Zhey ngunit hindi nila ito kasama kaya pwede ako lumapit. I still can't face her, need ko pang intindihin ano ba itong nararamdaman ko para sa kanya.
Pababa na ako ng biglang nag notif phone ko. Usually I turn it on silence mode nakalimutan ko ata e on. Kinuha ko sa bulsa ang aking phone, nakita ko agad ang pangalan ni Jane mag pop up sa lockscreen ko at ang chinat nya.
Can you come to my classroom? It'll be for a minute
Ito ata yung sinabi nya kanina. She doesn't have to explain though. Pero sige pakikinggan.
Nag chat nalang ako sa mga kaibigan ko na punta nalang sila sa canteen sa dating tinatambayan namin kasi may pupuntahan lang ako saglit. And tinanong ko narin kung sasama ba si Zheyrine, sabi ni Jen ou.
Iniisip ko pa lang na wala na akong choice kundi harapin siya mamaya ay kinakabahan, kumakabog na puso ko.
Do I like her? Ganito ba description pag gusto mo isang tao? How do you define, rather how do you know na gusto mo yung isang tao?
Kasi lagi mo siya iniisip? Hindi siya matanggal sa isip mo? Dahil pinapakabog nya ng mabilis puso mo? Pano pag palaka yun, pinapakaba ako at nasa isip ko lagi na takot ako sa palaka. Amp.
Pano mo nga nasasabi na in love ka?
Don ko na realize na hindi ko pala alam ano yang love na yan. I might act like I know pero I don't have a damn clue.
Yung kay Jane, I thought it was love. Hindi pala, infatuation lang pala. Or dahil siya yung unang nakalandian kaya nasanay kaya inakala inlove.
And this feeling I'm having with Zheyrine. Hindi ko rin alam. Kaya ko inaalam.
I'm feeling doubtful.
What do you mean when you truly love a person?
Now I'm conflicted.
I don't know the answer to my own question.
But should I be questioning that?
Won't the question be like what if, imagine yourself loving that person. Her.
And I did. I imagine myself with Zheyrine and my heart race rapidly again and I feel my cheeks redden. A smile on my lips that I wasn't aware of.
I may not know love, but I know this feeling. I want her. I'm positive I want her. For myself. I want her to be mine.
I want to be with Zheyrine.
Mabilis akong naglakad full of determination. Forgetting my previous agenda. Pupuntahan ko sila.
I was about to walk pass the first year classroom ng may tinawag sa pangalan ko. Resulted for that person to get my attention.
"Andito ka na pala" was she crying? Her voice is cracking. You know like yung galing sa kakaiyak kind of like? Yah and she's in front of me. Jane.
"So???" I started urging her to get on what she has to say.
"I'm sorry." Well, that's a start.
"I'm sorry for leading you on. Hindi ko intention bigyan ka ng motive para mag assume ka, promise. Hindi ko intention na paghintayin ka. I'm sorry talaga. If you have feelings for me, move on ka na. Leave me. You deserve someone, I'm just not ready for commitment. Ayuko muna." She explained through sub's.
"So please Cyle. Find someone and forget me, that's why I distance myself. Sorry for avoiding you. I just want you to move on from me, yung nararamdaman ko pala sayo was paghanga lang. And I know you feel more for me and you're intentions are clear you're even willing pursue me, but I just can't accept it. I'm not the right girl for you, find someone else."
It's so cringed to hear all that come out of her mouth. Buti natiit ko.
"Sure." Wala yun lang naisip ko e sagot sa haba ng sinabi nya. I mean what is there for me to say?
"Sorry." Tsk. "Sorry, I know you must be hurting. Alam ko masakit. Ranas ko because of that guy. Remember my suiter? Him? Nagkausap kami, and I tried getting back between us baka mag work ulit but it didn't. I was late, O regret it. And ayuko lukuhin ka, gawin kang rebound. I know you love me. I wasn't blind, I just pretend like hindi ko alam para makahanap ka ng iba. I'm so sorry."
"Correction. That's where you're mistaken. I don't love you, I never had." I paused na ikinagulat nya.
"B-baka galit ka lang, I'm sorry." And it's really annoying to hear the repeated sorry. Maybe it's just me.
I laughed a little. "Well, maganda narin siguro nakausap tayo. I did try to reach you when you started ignoring me and now I know the reason and I find it stupid. And thank you by the way. I realize what love and infatuation is. And what I had for you wasn't love."
"I'll accept your sorry, and I'm sorry myself. May kasalanan din naman ako."
"So pwede ba tayong maging kaibigan lang? I really wanted an older sister." Naalala ko na naman yung sinabi nya noon na she wants me to be her older sister with benefits. Bff premium. And I cross the line by mistaking my feelings. Looking back I want to erase all of it. I'm so fucking stupid. So stupid.
"No" simply kong sagot.
"Why? I really want us to be friends again. Did I ruin it?"
"Ayuko lang, magseselos kasi babyloves ko." Kahit hindi pa kami. Pero balak ko naman e reciprocate feelings nya kaya babyloves ko na siya walang aangal.
Yes. Yes. Mahal ko si Zheyrine.
Buong puso ko inaamin yun. Mahal na mahal ko siya. Hindi ko man alam yang love ano meaning yan basta alam ko mahal ko siya. Para saakin hindi ko ma define ang pag-ibig ko sakanya.
All I know is, right now I'm admitting that I love her. Hindi ko alam bakit ako umibig sa kanya, I just realize. She's the only one who can make my heart race like crazy just by thinking of seeing her. Racing this excitement in me.
She's the only one.
"Babyloves?" Kunot noong tanong ni Janette. May pagtataka and an emotion I can't explain sa mata nya.
"Yeah. Babaeng nagpapatibok ng puso ko."
"Si Zheyrine." diritso kong sagot.
Isang sigundo siyang natahimik, have they meet? Mukha kasing iniisip nya kung sino. Parang hindi.
Ngumiti siya pero bakit feel ko pilit? Or baka mali. Gutom nari kasi ako. Gusto ko narin makausap si Zheyrine.
"I see." She smiled lightly. "Can I hug you?"
"Ah no" I shook my head which made her giggle. Eh? Tinanggihan pero tumawa lang siya.
"Your so cute Cyle." Ha? Ang weird nya. Pinagsasabi nito. Cute? Sa isang tao lang ako kikiligin pag tinawag akong cute.
Pero ang mas kinagulat ko ay ang bigla nyang pagyakap saakin. Her hands around my waist, she rest her head on my chest part.
"Just once" bulong nya, my hands on the air. Hahayaan ko lang ba?
This is akward.
