The second wife

Chapter 8

Ka Zuigetsu (Jinshi) P.O.V.

The reason I moved Mao Mao and Akiko to my room, because the worries I have voor Akiko. She seems to sink more and more into her depression and I'm afraid. I'm afraid of what she might do. Silently I open the curtains of my bed. The only light in the room, is the moonlight through the window, and the light of the lit fireplace. I look at the two beds. Enough space to give them some sort of privacy, and close enough to not be alone when one of them feels alone. I look at my sleeping wives, and listen to them breathing. For a moment I just watch them. Then I get out of bed, pour myself a cup of water from a pitcher that's on a dresser. I drink a couple of sips before going over to Mao Mao, and crawl into bed next to her. Even though I like Akiko, I enjoy her company and feel relaxed around her. I feel most comfortable with Mao Mao. I wrap my arms around her, place my head beside her on the pillow and lean softly against her. "Hmm, what's wrong?" Mao Mao mumbles sleepily. "Nothing is wrong" I whisper, closing my eyes as I softly stroke the skin of her wrist with my fingertips. "I can't sleep" I add. For a long time it's silent. "It's okay for you to grieve. He was just as much your son" Mao Mao whispers. "What makes you say that?" I whisper surprised. When I open my eyes, she looks right at me. I didn't even feel her turn around. "I can feel your sadness" she whispers. I don't respond, and instead I press my lips softly against hers. "I love you" I whisper.  "That's fine, but it doesn't change anything I just said" Mao Mao mumbles and I smile. Mao Mao wraps her arms around my neck and pulls me in for an hug. "I get why we're here. I really do" she whispers in my ear. "Please don't be angry with me" I whisper as I hide my face into her shoulder. "Of course I'm not" Mao Mao whispers, holding me tighter. "Am I a bad husband?" I whisper. "I don't think you are. And I'm sure that Akiko doesn't either" Mao Mao answers, still whispering so we won't wake Akiko.  "I feel like I am" I mumble. "You're not" Mao Mao assures me.

I wake up in Mao Mao's bed, without her beside me. A little confused I look around. But judging from the brightness of the room, I assume that it's already late. I get out of bed and after taking a couple of steps I see Akiko, at the window and at Tian's stone. Silently I walk over to see that her hands are put together in prayer. I stand beside her, and put mine together as well. I hope that you have found the heavens safely, my sweet son. I hope that you found your maternal grandfather and that you're happy together. Please watch over us. "Did I wake you?" Akiko asks. "You didn't." I say, as I drop my hands. "I promise you'll have an heir soon" Akiko says. I immediately feel a stab at my heart. "Please don't worry about that. There's no rush" I say. Akiko looks at me and for a moment she doesn't say anything. "You must be so disappointed in me" she whispers. "No! Heavens no! Why would you think that?!" I ask. "Why else would you get me to your room, if it isn't for me to get you an heir faster, or that you're disappointed in me?" Akiko asks and I sigh deeply. "Because I'm worried about you!" I say and stroke Akiko's beautiful hair behind her ear. "I can see that you're having hard time. And it's okay. I wanted you here so you wouldn't feel alone" I say. "But I don't belong here" Akiko says. "You do. You belong by my side and that's where I want you" I say. Akiko smiles slightly and as she turns back to the window, I already know that it didn't land the way I hoped it would. "Do you believe it is impossible to care for two people at the same time?" I ask. "No I don't believe it is" Akiko says. "Did I do something wrong?" I ask. Akiko looks at me again. "Not at all, what makes you say that?" She asks. "It feels like I have" I answer. Akiko frowns slightly. "I'm sorry" she says, softly taking my hand. "I feel like...like a bother. Like I'm constantly interrupting you two. I didn't mean to make you feel bad" she says. "You're no bother, and you're not interrupting. You worry too much.   You're fine. You're where you belong" I say, softly squeezing her hand.

"Before you go" the emperor says as I grab the door handle. I turn slightly. "I met your wife. Had a little talk with her" he says. "Mao Mao?" I ask. They've met already, haven't they? The emperor smiles. "No the foreign one" he says. "Oh?" I ask. He leans back on his sofa, still with a smile on his face. "A shame she didn't became my consort. Interesting girl she is" he says. "She is" I say, a little impatient. "You know who she reminds me of?" The emperor asks. "Who?" I ask. "Ah Duo. She resembles her, don't you think?" The emperor asks. "She does?" I ask, and think about it for a moment. For a moment the emperor doesn't respond as well. "I'm not sure if she has a similar kind of personality as Ah Duo. She is simpler in her attire but so is Mao Mao. I do admit she has a similar kind of feel, as I always had with Ah Duo" I say. "Comforting?" The emperor asks. "Yeah, homey" I say. The emperor smiles again. "You should treasure her. The heavens know that I didn't treasure Ah Duo enough" he says. "You didn't" I say, and with that I leave him be. He's the emperor and I know I shouldn't talk to him like that. But he's also my older brother and he allows me to from time to time. I enter my wing, but before I walk into my office I look out the window to see both Mao Mao and Akiko in the garden. Both dressed warmly, as it isn't quite spring yet. They're laughing and seem to be having a good time. I slide open the window. "What's going on here?" I ask amused. "You wouldn't mind if we would make a patch to plant some herbs and plants over here would you?" Mao Mao asks. "Not at all. Is this the right place?" I ask. "It would receive enough sunlight, but at a safe distance for any children" Mao Mao says, looking up at the sky. "Have the attendants build a small fence for safety, and I'm fine with it" I say. "Would the plants your sister send you grow, or does it need more sun?" Mao Mao asks. "No, it would be fine. They're not that different from the plants here." Akiko answers. I smile. "Well then, have fun" I say before closing the window.