the first one • j. hughes

40

"Penn," I whisper as we stand in front of the door we could easily waltz right through. I was planning on staying alone in the lake house and making the drive to my childhood home alone. My older brother told me no. Well, he called me an "absolute, pure dumbass" if I thought that was ever going to happen.

"What?" He says in a normal voice.

I shush him and keep my voice low. "I can't do it. I can't face her. She's gonna be judgy."

"Why are you—" I shush him again and he huffs before finally whispering. "Why are you letting her make you feel bad about a choice you made when she's the one in the wrong for ever being a bitch about it?"

"We're already sort of in a fight right now—not even really because we aren't talking—and fights mean breakups."

"You're a fucking dumbass."

My eyes scrunch close to try and get rid of that stupid pressure in my head. "Why am I a dumbass?"

"Because fights don't mean breakups." He puts a hand on my upper back. "You and Jack aren't going to break up because of a stupid argument. If stupid arguments affected you and Jack, you guys would have had restraining orders on each other already. Not be in a relationship."

Okay, he's got a point.

Still. I can't face Holland.

"C'mon," he says in a normal voice while pushing me forward. "It's fucking Christmas. Let's go get drunk on peppermint vodka."

I laugh and open the door for us. "Now that's something I can get behind."

* * * * *

We'd convinced Mom to let us hook up the old Wii and were on our fifth round of Mario Kart when Holly finally decided to show up. Brosie in tow. I can hear them talking to Mom in the kitchen. I fall off the map 5 times before Patton pauses the game and stares at me.

"Dude, it's Mushroom Gorge not fucking Rainbow Road," he says. "How drunk are you?"

I shake my head. "I can't do it, Penn. I can't talk to her."

"Then don't."

Okay. That is not a Penn move. That's Jack, Luke, and Ki's style of advice. Quinn would rather die than tell me not to be the bigger person. Penn too. They've always been that way with me. Always telling me to take the high road. Now, all of a sudden he's not?

In proper big brother fashion, he reads my mind. "She did you dirty. She talked shit behind your back. So don't say anything to her face because she didn't give you that same decency."

"Who are you and what have you done with my brother?"

"I just want actual good competition and you aren't giving me any," he says.

"Oh, I'm so sorry—"

I'm cut off. Holly and Brosie sit down on one of the couches. Me and my favorite sibling share a look before he decides to unpause the game. The only sound in the room is the fireplace crackling and Mario Kart.

Until, of course, Holly opens her mouth. "Did you guys seriously dig up the Wii to play Mario Kart?"

"Yeah," Penn mumbles right before my blue shell hits him and he lets out some words that would land him on the naughty list.

"Remember how we used to swear we wouldn't get competitive for Ken's sake and then immediately ignore it? And her when she brought the promise up?" Holly laughs.

Neither of us says anything. A new race is starting. That's more important than anything she has to say.

"Hello?" She snaps, realizing that she's the one being ignored nowadays.