the first one • j. hughes

10

Age 16:

The parents were on some weekend trip together, leaving us home alone at the lake house. Penn and Quinn had decided to go to the grocery store—which would have them gone for an hour or more—to get stuff for s'mores. I, however, had other plans. Not necessarily good ones but I had them.

My skirt was too short. Not even mine. Stolen from Holly who was at a softball camp for another week still. My tank top was tight. I had spent the whole time I was getting ready praying Luke wouldn't see me. He and Jack were getting the fire ready. Luke would make some stupid comment and I'd back out in an instant. I didn't want to back out. Ever since my birthday party, Rainer and I had been off. Tense.

So the second I got the text, I jumped at the chance. And when I got the text they were pulling up, I was walking out of the house as quickly as humanly possible. Seriously, I had to avoid Luke. Except when I got to the end of the long driveway where I told Rain to wait, I had a much bigger issue to deal with. Patton's car was there. He and Quinn were both talking into the passenger side window.

As I walked up, I heard my boyfriend say, "Fucking finally."

Penn turned in an instant and met me about two feet from the truck. I looked over his shoulder and didn't even recognize who was at the wheel. Rainer was sitting in the passenger seat. It was dark but I was pretty sure I didn't know who was in the backseat either. It didn't matter. As soon as I locked eyes with my brother, I knew I wouldn't be getting in that truck even if he had to drag me into the house.

"One of those guys was a senior when I was a freshman," he said. I went to argue but he held a hand up. "Let me tell you, he wasn't known for being respectful to girls."

"They're not my friends," I said. I wanted to at least put up a fight. "I'm just going for Rain."

"You're not going anywhere."

I rolled my eyes because I was sixteen. "You're not Dad."

"Do you want me to call Dad? I can. I'm sure he'd love that. Sure Mom would."

"Penn."

"Go tell your boyfriend and his douche friends you won't be joining them."

I rolled my eyes again but I listened. Quinn was still talking to them. I caught the tail end of what sounded like him telling them it probably wasn't happening. I stood up on my tip toes and leaned toward Rainer through the window. His truck was lifted almost obnoxiously.

"I have to stay here," I said.

He practically glared down at me. "Yeah? You have to?"

"What the brother orders, the brother gets."

"Always knew that kid was a little bitch," the guy in the driver's seat commented. He was definitely older. And I didn't like how he looked at me. It made my skin crawl. Glancing into the backseat had the same effect. None of those guys were in school with us that past year.

I tried my best to smile, tried to focus on my boyfriend. "Sorry, Rain."

"Whatever," he mumbled.

"Hey, darling." It came from the driver again. I wanted to puke. Quinn put a hand on my back and I became acutely aware of how anxious and heavy my breathing was. "If you ever want us to come around and get you again, wear that outfit, alright? We won't hold Reedsy's hissy fit against you."

Rainer laughed. As if a guy seven years older than me or any guy should be talking like that to me. His girlfriend. Quinn hissed in a deep breath beside me and I was ready to go inside. Go change. I wanted to puke. I wanted to put on as many layers as possible.

* * * * *

He didn't get it. A few hours after the whole thing in the driveway, Rainer called me. Drunk. He went off about how I made him look like a little bitch. He was so angry. I cried. I'd never had a guy talk to me the way he did before. I cried and tried to explain what it was like to be a girl in a short skirt faced with a group of guys that looked at me like nothing more than that short skirt. I didn't know what else I could do. I didn't get why he was mad at me for feeling uncomfortable.

"Don't be fucking stupid, Kennedy," he mumbled.

I was in Holly's room upstairs. Wishing she was here. "I'm not being stupid."

"Yes, you are."

"You're drunk."

"You could've been too if you actually cared about us." Rainer huffed out a bitter laugh. "You know what? I think we're done."

I couldn't help it. I laughed. Not a bitter one like his. An actual laugh. "Are you joking? Because I didn't get in a car with a bunch of fucking older guys and go get drunk with you?"

"Did you just laugh? You're fucking crazy."

"Oh! Am I?" I laughed even harder. "I'm crazy?"

"Honestly? Yes. You and your a million texts a day about a bunch of bullshit I don't care about and getting mad because I so much look at another girl is fucking crazy."

"You don't just look at other girls, Rainer! You look at them the same way that creep you're hanging around looked at me," I was shouting. I knew it was stupid. That the boys might hear me. "That one comment he made was fucking gross. And you laughed. It made me uncomfortable and you thought it was great."

"It was a joke. It was funny. Don't be psychotic."

Tears still raced down my cheeks as I laughed again. "Okay. You're right. We're definitely done."

I hung up. I hadn't had a messy breakup before. Not one that ended in any kind of argument, at least. They'd all been simple little "Hey, we're not really working, are we?" situations. I didn't know what to do about it other than sit there on my older sister's bed which smelled more like Quinn at that moment because it was his the two nights before. I sat there and quietly cried until a knock came from the door.

"Come in," I said, wiping the tears.

I expected Luke to walk in. Tell me he told me so. Instead, Jack walked in and sat on the end of the bed. "Heard you yelling."

"Rainer broke up with me," I stated.

"Oh."

"Go ahead." My anger with Rain seeped into my voice. "Talk shit. Say I should've never dated him. Say he was a dick. Tell me how bad my taste is--"

Jack frowned, concerned. "Is that what you need right now?"

"No."

"Believe me, I have plenty of shit to talk," he smiled slightly as he said it. But wiped it right off his face when I sniffled a little. "What do I need to do before I can talk shit about him?"

"Just..." I took a shaky breath in. "You can't be looking at me while I cry. I can't deal with that. Just come over here and hug me and close your eyes while I cry for a little."

"Alright."

We fell asleep like that. My tears wiped me out after a bit. Jack's eyes being closed made it very easy for him to fall asleep. We fell asleep with his arms around me, my head on his chest. The entire next day felt like it was filled exclusively with shit talking. But the night with Jack there without it made it a lot easier to not feel the heartbreak. I don't know how he made my first big breakup feel almost like nothing but he did.