Questions for Answers

Chapter Fourteen

One year later...

"Are you excited about graduation in a few days, dear?" Dr. Grant, the school's therapist, asked cheerfully.

I smiled while nodding at her, "Yes, I finally talked Tristen into going to a university with me for at least one semester."

"Ah, Tristen. How are things between you two?"

"They're great! I'll be moving in with him once I graduate, so we're both really excited about that", I admitted.

She looked at me as if she was proud. She folded her hands together, "Are you going to miss anything about high school? Any lessons or mistakes that you've learned from?"

Her question made me uncomfortably reflect on the past year. A lot had happened since that day. After Trisha was murdered, I was pretty much shunned by the rest of my family. Initially, I didn't know, but I later found out that they were made to watch while she was being tortured before they finally killed her. In her blood, they wrote on the wall, 'River caused this', so everyone knew that her death was my fault. I sold my car and used the money to try and help with the funeral costs, but they felt so betrayed by me that I wasn't even allowed to attend. I was crushed, but I understood their reasoning for not wanting me there. I still have no idea what they did with the money I gave them.

Tim wanted me out of the house as soon as possible, but since I wouldn't be 18 until June, he legally couldn't kick me out. We ended up coming to an agreement and he said that he'd emancipate me once I graduated high school so that I could go live with Tristen. In a way, I guess he still cared about me because he didn't want me to end up on the streets.

In regards to my parents, I ended up getting rid of everything I had of theirs. The only thing I kept was my parent's book. I just didn't want to throw away that part of them completely because then I'd truly have nothing left. I now read their stories for enjoyment and not trying to piece things together. It put me at ease ultimately knowing that they lived long, fulfilled lives before what happened to them. It made me think about how I wanted to travel with Tristen in the future.

It took a couple of months, but ever since I had been visiting the school's therapist regularly and taking my medication again, I felt so much better mentally and physically. The thought of searching for clues didn't even cross my mind. I didn't realize how bad it was back then, but when I took a look at everything that had happened up until now, it made me realize that none of it was worth it. I had ruined people's lives and I still didn't know a thing.

If I could take it all back, I would. Some bridges were burned forever while others could've been mended with time. When I expected Tristen to leave me, he didn't. He stood by me when I was grieving. I kept apologizing for every wrong thing that I did, and even though he'd forgiven me, I still knew that it wasn't enough. It also wasn't fair to put that expectation onto people. I was lost for a long time, but there was someone I knew who would never turn their back on me.

I started going to church not too long after Trisha had passed. It made me stop and think about the transformation she had. She wasn't a hypocrite in her faith which made it easier for me to believe. I wanted to believe that my life meant something, that it mattered, and that I had a purpose, even without my parents being here. That my worth wasn't just attached to what I could do for others. I needed to find myself, and I did.

I snapped out of my thoughts, "I'm sure we've all done things we regret. The good thing about life is that as long as you're still breathing, you have another chance. So yeah, there might be people that hate me, that'll never forgive me, but I forgive myself. And I love myself. With school coming to an end, I'm just grateful for everything I've gotten to do up until this point."