Atelophobia

5_ smoke and sorrow

Theo

As the days slowly turned colder, I spent more time drawing in the common room.

It's not like there was anything better for me to do, anyways. Blaise was off somewhere and I finished all my work early.

I lit my cigarette as I continued drawing the rainy streets of London, blocking out everything else around me.

It's easier to ignore something if you give yourself a task to focus on.

I draw the clouds of thunder instead of speaking my thoughts out loud, sketch the streets meaninglessly.

I didn't mean to draw my mum's bright purple umbrella, like she's actually still here.

I pause, thinking about how I refused to use it as a kid.

I don't want to be seen with a purple umbrella, mum. That's embarassing, everyone else's is black.

She laughed. "It's more embarrassing if you walk the streets soaking wet, mio caro."

When I didn't agree, she continued. "I like this color. It reminds me of the flowers at home. Maybe I can finally take you there someday."

I never went to Italy. 

I scratch out the entire drawing roughly, so much that it rips the paper into pieces and leaves a mark on the desk below.

I don't stare at the remains a second longer before I grab them and throw them into the garbage.

I inhale another breath of smoke, leaning my head back in the chair.

It clouds my head enough that I don't lose it.

I don't know how long I sit there, staring off into space and letting the cigarette consume me.

I finally look over and see an enchanted paper crane land on the desk, a small smile spreading across my face.

I gave it to my little sister, Cecilia, when she came to Hogwarts just this year—in case she ever needs anything.

I open it to see her neat handwriting asking if I can help her with something.

The ink disappears and I write back to her saying I'll be there soon, sending off the crane.

I grab my wand and put out my cigarette. As much as I feel the need to have it, I would never smoke in front of her.

It didn't take me long to cross the castle to the Hufflepuff common room, where she was already waiting to let me in.

No one, not even Blaise, knows about Cecilia.

Sure, I enjoy the competition between houses, but I don't see the point of the discrimination. I'm not so sure the rest of the guys would understand that.

"Finally, you're here," she pulls on my arm.

"What are you complaining for, I got here in five minutes," I chuckle.

"Yeah, I was waiting for five whole minutes."

"You're lucky I even came," I say, shaking my head.

"Were you too busy moping in your room?" She pokes at me.

"You're getting too smart, you know that?" I mess with her hair as she laughs and runs a few steps away from me.

"Now what did you call me for? Just to waste my time?" I raise an eyebrow at her.

"No, I need your help with homework," she leads me to a desk with her wand on it.

"What kind of homework?"

"Charms. It's so boring," she says.

"I like care of magical creatures better. Hagrid even said he might let me take home a Niffler at the end of the year," her brown eyes beaming.

I could hardly burst her bubble that Nifflers were extremely difficult to take care of, especially for an 11 year old.

Hagrid had introduced them to us in fourth year, challenging us to see which of our Nifflers could gather the biggest pile of coins.

The only thing I really remember from that day was how frustrated I was that Dalton had beat me.

"Are you sure you don't want a different pet? Like a cat?"

"No, I like the Niffler. I already named him too," she smiles.

"Okay," I say, letting her win.

"What are you doing in Charms right now, then?" I ask as she sits down at the table.

"The levitation spell. We practiced it in class but I can't get it right."

"Oh, well luckily for you, I've been doing that one for years," I smile at her.

I walk her through the proper motion and pronunciation and she tries it a few times until she finally gets the feather to levitate.

"See, I knew you could do it."

"Thank you, Theo! I'll have to show all of my friends tomorrow," she gives me a hug.

"How many friends do you have?" I ask jokingly.

She starts counting on her fingers, and then stops.

"About the whole class. We're all friends," she explains.

"Ah, okay," I smile.

"Is that all you had to work on?"

"Yep, that's all I needed you for. Goodnight," she skips away across the common room.

I laugh at how much energy she has.

Cecilia Joy. The middle name definitely suits her.

I would do anything to keep her this happy forever.

She's all I have left—she doesn't deserve the pain this world puts people through, like it did to me.