And All That Could Have Been (Steddie)

Letting Go While Holding On

Early August 1986

Steve Harrington laid back on the sleeping bag in the grass, his hands folded behind his head, his knees up, supporting Eddie Munson who was sitting on him, a Polaroid camera in his hands, snapping pictures of him. Eddie probably had a thousand pictures of him; he always had that damned Polaroid. He took pictures of everyone and everything. Steve usually pretended to be annoyed by Eddie's incessant need to photograph the world around him, but deep inside, he actually loved that about Eddie.

Eddie was different. He didn't say a whole lot. He kept to himself mostly. He had Corroded Coffin and Hellfire Club, but outside of that small group, the only people Eddie ever spent any time with were his uncle Wayne, his boyfriend Steve, and his best friend Samantha Stone. Both Wayne and Steve loved to look through the pictures Eddie took and kept in shoe boxes stashed all over the trailer. Those photos were a glimpse into the mind of Eddie Munson. They said more about him than he ever said about himself.

It was with a photograph that Eddie told Steve how he felt about him. They had been hanging out as friends for a while after Dustin introduced them. Then one day, sitting in the leaves up at Skull Rock smoking a joint, Eddie had taken a Polaroid of Steve. He'd taken a hundred of him before, but this was different. He'd traced a heart around Steve as the image was developing, causing the image to blur where he'd touched it. By the time he handed it to Steve, his cheeks burning bright red as he refused to look at him, there was a clear heart shape smeared into the image. Steve had leaned in, caught Eddie by his chin, and forced him to look him in the eyes. Eddie's eyes had been so big, and innocent, and hopeful. So, Steve kissed him, and they'd been inseparable ever since.

But now that was all coming to an end. Today was Steve's last day in Hawkins. Tomorrow morning he'd load his things in his car, and he'd make the drive across the country to Tucson, Arizona to go to college. Eddie had never said a word to Steve about it, but Steve knew, from talking to Wayne, that Eddie was upset that Steve was going so far away. Eddie wanted Steve to go to school in Indianapolis. That way they could still be together. But Steve had chosen the University of Arizona because their men's baseball team had won the College World Series earlier that summer and if he was going to college on a baseball scholarship, he wanted to go to a school with an amazing baseball team. It would be his ticket to the pros if he could play on a team as good as the Arizona Wildcats.

So, this was their last date. Burgers and fries from Benny's, a six pack of Miller High Life, and a couple of joints. It mimicked their first date from the previous summer to a tee. From the location, the food, the beer, everything, right down to them making love in a sleeping bag in the leaves. The exact same sleeping bag they were laying on now. Eddie had recreated that first date that he would never forget for as long as he lived in an effort to convince Steve to stay, to not break up with him and leave him alone in Hawkins. Because though he still had Wayne and Sam and his small flock of loyal followers, without Steve he would be all alone. There was no one else Eddie could sit with, in complete silence, and feel so comfortable and safe. There was never a need for small talk or mindless chit chat with Steve. With him, Eddie could just be. He never had to do. Just be.

After they'd had sex, they got dressed and ate their burgers. Now they were finishing off the six pack while Eddie continued to take pictures of Steve. He'd been through several packs of film. He must have taken a hundred pictures since they'd gotten to Lover's Lake. Including one that Steve had protested against, but Eddie had begged, and Steve could never say no to those big, innocent doe eyes of his. So, Eddie had one picture tucked in his pocket, one of Steve giving Eddie head, looking up at him with those amazingly beautiful eyes. He promised never to put that one in one of his many shoeboxes of Polaroids. That picture was for Eddie's eyes only.