TAINTED

Chapter 24

I pulled back a little to look at him. "Why because of me?" I felt oddly hurt by that.

He tucked some hair behind my ear. "When you started dating Blaine..." his voice broke and trailed off. He couldn't even look at me. "I'd be lying if I said it didn't bother me when I found out. I thought I was over what happened between us... but the longer you two stayed together, the more I started losing myself. The partying and the girls took over as an easy distraction from what I was really there to do: play football and graduate college. Then, little by little, just knowing you two were still together started to eat away at me, even though I desperately tried to stop what I was feeling. I knew it was wrong. I wanted to be happy for you and Blaine. I tried. But running away from you and my life back in Montana wasn't working. Eventually, my grades started to slip, and I hated how football had become a chore and how girls suddenly became faceless."

"Rhys," I breathed. Hearing the vulnerability in his voice made every hair on my neck stand on edge. I leaned forward and ran my thumb down his cheek.

"One night after a football game, Blaine sent me a Snap Chat of the two of you. You were both sitting on his bed, smiling and cuddling beside Blaine. He was holding out his summer scholarship to France. He wanted me to congratulate him and be proud of him, but I couldn't. All I could do was stare at you hanging onto his arm and hate myself for being so damn jealous. I slammed another few drinks even though I already had more than enough, and I left with two girls. I stupidly got behind the wheel...and I crashed my car into a street light. Thankfully, no one was hurt, but when the cops showed up, they recognized me from football and got me off with fair warning. They reported the incident to Coach Fenwick. The next thing I knew, my scholarship was on the line, and I agreed to return to Moose Creek to keep myself out of trouble. Of course, I was terrified that I'd see you again. I planned to lay low in the ranch, avoid you at all costs and then return to California ready for a fresh start. But then you appeared..."

"Why didn't you just tell me?"

He brushed my cheek with my thumb. "Ivy, it wasn't that simple." he winced and gazed into my eyes. "Nothing about wanting you has ever been easy. As kids, you were my best buddy's studious little sister, and as teenagers, you became the girl my brother couldn't stop talking about."

I felt tears prick my eyes. So many emotions were barreling through my body as I tried to remain calm. "If you felt that way about me back then, why did you walk away from me the night of your Senior prom?"

"The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you. But we both know if I had my way with you that night, you'd be tainted as one of those girls. I couldn't let that happen," he brushed his thumb along my cheek as his eyes bore into mine. "I didn't walk away because I cared more about other girls. It was because you mean more to me than any of those other girls that I had to walk away. I was headed off for college, and you weren't leaving Moose Creek anytime soon. It wouldn't have been fair to you. It wasn't that I didn't want you because I wanted you more than anything...but I needed to protect you." He sighed, and I could see a struggle brewing behind his eyes. "These past few days have been amazing. I want you in my life, Ivy...I do."

"I don't understand. What are you saying?"

"I think it's best once the summer's over for you – "he paused and almost appeared to be struggling to force the words from his mouth. "You need to accept that internship in Fredrickton."

"But what about us?"

"Ivy," he hesitated as his sad blue eyes bore into mine. "I won't ask you to follow me like Blaine did. I can't let you," he whispered.

I looked away. I couldn't believe that after everything I had risked for him, he was telling me to disappear from his life just as fast as I came back into it. Was he embarrassed by what we'd done? Of me? I was suddenly reliving the humiliation I once felt from Rhys leaving me behind all those years ago... I was never good enough for him; that was clear to me now.