"I know, love. We just can't have you slip down that rabbit hole." I explained as she nodded.
I knew she wanted to have the drugs more than anything but I also knew she would hate herself if she took them.
It was a slippery slope and she knew that.
We waited around for a little while before the doctor came in with another woman.
"Hi, Briana. Hi, Robert. How are we feeling?" She asked as Julia breathed through a contraction. "Been better." She said through gritted teeth.
"You are doing so well already." Dr. Moore said then gestured to the woman next to her. "This is Amanda, she's the midwife we have on shift tonight. She's gonna be helping you through your birth in any way she can." She explained.
"Nice to meet you, Amanda." Julia said as I nodded. "Nice to meet you." She said to both of us.
"Is this your first baby?" She asked as Dr. Moore started setting something up.
"First one." I said with a smile as I held Julia's hand. "How exciting! I know the birthing process can be scary, so we're gonna try and help in any way we can." Amanda explained.
"I'm gonna check your dilation then we can kinda get a grasp on a plan. Sound good?" Dr. Moore asked as Julia nodded.
"Sounds good." She said then laid her head back as she got her dilation checked.
"Looks like you're sitting at three centimeters which is a good start." Dr. Moore said with a smile.
"We're in for a long night so I suggest trying to sleep while you can and if you can. We'll be checking in periodically but if you need anything at all, push that button." She explained and pointed to the button that was on Julia's bed remote.
"Hang in there, mama. I promise when you meet your baby it will all be worth it." She said then left the room.
"I need to walk around." Julia said and looked at me. "Right now?" I asked as she nodded. "Just around the room or something." She said quietly.
"Sure thing." I said then helped her get out of bed. I held her hands and walked with her for a while before she really started to get tired.
"Okay, love. I think you should get some rest." I said as she nodded. "I'm gonna try." She said and got back in bed.
"Do you need anything?" I asked as she closed her eyes. "Just hold my hand." She said as I nodded and smiled.
"I'll be here holding your hand. Get some rest, baby." I said then leaned forwards and kissed her head.
It took a while for Julia to fall asleep because she was so uncomfortable but I was so happy when she finally did.
I sat by her side, holding her hand as she slept. I was trying to stay awake when I got a text from Sam.
The kids want to drop by before school go see Jules. Is that alright?
I frowned then responded back.
Jules just fell asleep, so maybe bring them after school.
I spent the next couple hours, watching Julia and the baby's monitor. There were nerves bundled in my chest, knowing how much pain Julia was gonna be in.
I was trying to be excited but the idea of being a dad seemed like a better idea before it was coming.
Of course I loved my daughter and I would love her even more when I saw her, but I didn't know if I was cut out to be a dad.
The emotional side of it would come naturally but the actual skill set of being a father was something I felt I would struggle with.
I knew how to clean up dead bodies, not how to change a diaper.
I shook my head, trying not to think about it too much. With the help of Julia, I would find my way.
I wanted to be a good dad, so I would be a good dad.
Only an hour went by before Julia was waking up. "Hey, how'd you sleep?" I asked and stood up, brushing her hair from her face.
"It hurt so bad." Julia whispered. "I know, sweetheart. I wish I could help." I said as tears filled her eyes.
It was so hard seeing her in this much pain because there was nothing I could do.
We couldn't give her the drugs but I was willing to help in any way I could.
I sighed then pushed the call button so they could come in and possibly give some advice on how to handle this.
"Hey, how are you feeling?" Amanda asked as she came into the room, along with a nurse.
"Is there any way I can help with her pain without the drugs?" I asked as she smiled sadly.
"It's hard to take away the pain but I can show you some excercises to help." Amanda said and walked over to the bed.
We spent the next little while doing through ways that I could help Julia.
It wasn't enough to make the pain go away but it was the best we could do.
I just had to be supportive and help carry her through the pain as best as possible.
