Don't you shy away

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||Ryana Bronwyn Caldwell||First person||

I woke up to the sound of my alarm. With my eyes still closed I swiped the screen of my phone upwards, so the annoying buzzing sound would stop. It did. I nearly fell asleep again, when I remembered that I have to get to work earlier today because a new coworker is coming and I have to help her on her first day. I grunted and threw my blanket to the side, slowly got out of my bed and drew the curtains. The bright sun shone just towards me, making me squint my eyes as hard as I could to see anything. It was the 2nd of May, the weather was quite hot already, so when I opened my wardrobe, I took a green crop top and some jean shorts out. I dressed up, threw a little makeup on, packed the stuff I'll need at work in a tote bag, and headed out of my apartment. While I was fiddling with my keys, I heard the door of the neighbouring apartment open. I looked up and saw the cute guy, Tyler, who has lived here ever since I moved here when I was 19. I am now 23.

•|FLASHBACK|•

I was sitting on my bed, crying. Everything around me was falling apart. I felt emptiness and unbearable pain.

No, that can't be true.

She must've been lying.

She was just angry because of my bad grades and said something stupid.

No matter how hard I was trying to tell myself that my mother didn't mean what she said, deep down, I knew I was lying to myself. She did mean it.

My father left my mother before I was born. My mum always told me he had to go away because of something very important, and since she has been telling this to me ever since I remember, of course I believed her. I loved my mum, I always told her everything, she always told me everything, we always laughed together, cried together, shared every problem with each other. And that was not only because of the small age gap between us (she got pregnant with me when she was 16), but also because she was my only parent so we were super close. But as I was growing up, she started to get addicted to alcohol. I told her so many times to stop, but she couldn't. She thought she would have a new boyfriend by the time I grew up, but every date she went on turned out bad. I felt sorry for her and I was super worried. Her condition grew worse and worse. She was yelling with me all the time, throwing things at me when she got mad. I was afraid of her.

So one day I came back from school. I was exhausted because I had two tests that day, and the night before I was studying until very late. In school, I got into a huge fight with my best friend, and she wouldn't talk to me. I entered the house and was just about to run up the stairs and collapse onto my bed, when my mum called me.
"Ryana, come here!" she yelled.
I let out a sigh and slowly dragged myself in the living room.
"Ryana, your teachers have been telling me about your behavior in school" she started. "And your grades are awful" she continued louder. "You are such a failure!" she was shouting by this point.
"Mum, school is stressing me out, I barely get some sleep-" I tried to defend myself, but she cut me off. "I don't fucking care, everybody has to get through it, don't feel so special just because you survive school, everybody does too!" "Mum, nowadays I've been feeling very anxious and even when I have time I cannot sleep, you have to help me, please!" I begged her, because I felt I won't make it much longer if I don't get some sleep soon."Oh, so now you want me to pay for some medicine for your little anxiety?? I am refusing to spend any more money on you! I so fucking regret having you, you unwanted pile of failure! I should've done what your father told me, I should've had an abortion!! That's why he left me, because I wanted to have you, YOU!! NOBODY WANTS YOU!!" she screamed the last words and as she finished, I turned around and ran up to my room as fast as I could. There, I started sobbing into my pillow.

No, that can't be true.

She must've been lying.

She was just angry because of my bad grades and said something stupid.

But I knew she meant it.

•|END OF FLASHBACK|•

That was the time I decided to leave her as soon as possible. When I turned 18, I got myself a job and worked my butt off until I got enough money to rent myself a flat. So I moved from Cleveland to Columbus when my mum was away. I haven't heard anything from her ever since. It has been four years.

On the day I moved here, I met this cute guy next door, Tyler, and we both have been living here ever since.

"Hi" Said Tyler, stepping out of his apartment and closing the door behind him.
"Hi" I answered as I finally finished locking my door and took off to the elevator. I stepped in, pushed the button and looked back once more, realizing Tyler was watching me the whole time. When I looked at him,he blushed and quickly looked away. The elevator doors closed, and I was off to work.

|{•}|

Author's note:

Ugh this was hard to write cuz I'm writing on my phone and my hands hurt so much. I hope if anyone ever reads this story, they will like it.

~L