Enrolled in Epicness - A Baldur's Gate 3 Fanfic

6. Universal Rules

Shadow returned to the bath, undoing her underwear on the way. Curiously, she struggled with her velvety bra, and tripped straight into the water, bursting into a silly laugh "Woo! That infernal wine went straight to my head!"

"I warned you," Astarion said, leering from behind his glass. "Although I didn't take you for a light drinker."

"I'm not!" She swam up to him. "How's yours?"

"Off-limits. This is virgin blood."

"I was a virgin once."

Lae'zel slapped her face. "Shadowheart, do stop embarrassing yourself."

"No! In fact, I'm in such a great mood over Bing-Bong that I might... start singing!"

To Astarion's horror, the half-elf stood up, raised her arms, and broke into song like some bubbly mermaid. Not a bad voice, though... Alluring, even, although that could've been the effect of the aphrodisiac in his veins.

"Frivolous silliness," Liz muttered, swimming away to the far side, where she leaned her athletic upper body over the ledge.

"What about you, Tarion?"

He gaped at Shadowheart with eyes wide. "Excuse me?"

"You look like someone who can sing."

"Y-yes, of course—one of my many impeccable skills. But drop the dumb nickname."

"Oh, you don't like it?" Shadow slid into the water and approached his corner with a scheming expression.

"What are you doing?"

"Looking at you. You know... you have the nicest eyes."

"It's the tainted wine speaking, Shady—"

Her finger plugged his lips. "Those aren't bad, either. I bet you kissed many women."

The hunger urged Astarion to bite. A quick neck grab and her sweet blood would be his for the taking. He could almost taste it... "And men," he said, pushing her hand away. "I hate myself for saying this, but let's slow down."

"Oh, lighten up; I just want to have a little fun." She wrapped an arm around his shoulders and sent Lae'zel a taunting grin. "Unlike someone here."

The Githyanki growled. How should he get the intoxicated cleric off himself before losing control too? "Look, Shady, there comes a point in life when it's not about what you do with a person, but who that person is."

She tapped on his nose, smirking. "Oh, I understand completely—"

"PRESUMPTUOUS NONSENSE!" Lae'zel slammed her fist on the ledge, startling them both. "When you need a warm body, you take it! The next morning, you move on."

The cleric's lips curled into a smile swimming in sarcasm. "What do you know? Your species lays eggs."

"FOOLISH ISTIK!" The Githyanki swam to them, sparks shooting from her eyes. "Our erotic abilities put yours to shame!"

"Maybe you're just easy to please."

"Tsk'va! Even on your best day, you wouldn't outdo my—"

Shadowheart kissed Astarion.

He was still processing the wine-laced taste of her lips when she turned to the Githyanki, who seemed as shocked as if Shady had just married Raphael.

"Your move, Lae'zel."

"Challenge accepted," the raging alien said, swimming toward Astarion.

"W-what's happening—"

She grabbed his face, tilted it, ignored his frightened squeal, and bite-kissed him until his impassioned genitals threatened to explode.

"That is how you do it, Shadowheart."

The cleric huffed with derision. "An amateur's kiss, boring compared to what the Mother Superior taught me in person." She reached for Astarion, but he retreated with a nervous chuckle, trying to keep his remaining wine-blood from spilling.

"Instead of exploiting me, ladies, perhaps you'd rather bother each other?"

"With pleasure." Shadowheart placed two agile fingers on Lae'zel's jaw, swiveling the surprised mouth toward her, and touched her soft lips to the Githyanki's, rubbing them from side to side.

Not exactly the mellowing effect Raphael expected from him—probably. Astarion watched with rising interest as the women went at each other. Tongues wrestled, hands caressed, and legs wrapped together in a display that was part unhinged lust and part sensual beauty. Then the hunger pounded at his temples, mocking him for staying on the sidelines. Indeed, such pussyfooting befitted Mizora's pet warlock, not himself. Thus, he finished his drink to the soft sounds of touching mouths and aroused bodies wriggling rhythmically in water, and cleared his throat.

"I hate to be that person, Liz, but she's drunk, and you're not—"

"SILENCE, ELF!"

"No-no-no. You see, I'm also drunk, so either join the club or step aside." He put away his empty glass and grinned. "These are universal rules, applicable beyond Faerûn's rim."

Somehow, it worked. Liz swore in her language, shoved away a disappointed Shadow, and stepped out of the bath to a resting area, leaving wet footmarks. There, she wrapped a fluffy towel around herself and dropped over a wooden bench, muttering.

Astarion rubbed his head. "I think that's the first time she's listened to me."

"Yes, thanks for ruining my fun," Shadowheart said, pouting. She gazed at the infernal imprint on her hand. "You know, it doesn't hurt anymore."

Astarion approached, taking her palm into his hold. Soft, yielding, tempting. "Raphael's magic has blocked Shar's curse?"

"Temporarily, I think." The cleric chortled. "What if he's actually a good guy?"

"So I'm indebted to the good side?" He made a vomiting sound, and Shadowheart shoved him, letting out a snorty laugh. "You're not so bad yourself."

"Take that back, er, wench."

"Not buying it." She pushed again, using both hands, and he grabbed her wrists in defense. They ended up standing chest-to-chest, mouths barely an inch apart.

"You know," Astarion said, inhaling her fruit-scented breath, "this might feel weird tomorrow."

"Yeah, but we might also be dead by then."

Her eyes screamed one thing at him—a yearning for freedom—and at that moment, despite his ingrained cynicism, Astarion felt a throbbing deep inside his undead chest. He pulled Shadowheart into his embrace and stole her lips for a tight, passionate kiss. She moaned into his mouth and curled into his arms, the stress melting from her body.

Feeling more than mere lust, he reached downstairs, testing how much more she wanted. Shadow's hand grabbed his fingers... and fondled them, leading him between her thighs....