A Storm Is Brewing

Back as a Four

As we stood patiently waiting at the door to the grotto, Leo squirmed out of Leah's arms, practically jumping onto the ground where Teddy was waiting with his hand extended to lead his brother inside.

"Let's go, Leo." He said proudly.

They walked hand in hand in front of us, politely approaching Santa, who asked their names as they gazed around the extensively decorated grotto.

"You're a softy." I whispered.

Leah was already getting emotional, her eyes pooling with tears that she was swallowing back and the goofiest grin plastered across her face at the sight. I knew she was probably thinking the same thing as me—how different this all could've been had we let someone tear us apart.

"Are these letters for me?" Santa asked.

A little less confident now, the boys just nodded and looked to us for reassurance.

"We weren't sure if you would really be here; sure, we weren't?" I encouraged them.
"No, Mummy didn't believe us!" Teddy chuckled, pointing towards Leah.
"Didn't believe us!" Leo copied his brother's words.
"I know, I saw that!"

The boys were completely amazed that he seemed to know about our earlier conversation when Leah hadn't been sure he would be here.

"Were you watching us to make sure we behaved?" Teddy asked.
"I was."
"We have been good!" Leo protested.
"Oh, I know that! I'm just not sure what to bring to you for Christmas. Why don't you read those letters to me?"

Teddy kept his on his lap, opting to help Leo open his first and whisper the words in his ear so he could relay them.

"Car! Football! Bedtime story books!"
"Wow, Leo! My elves will be busy!"
"Thank you."

Leo was grinning from ear to ear, sitting patiently, and waiting for Teddy to take his turn reading from his own letter.

"Santa, please, can I have some Lego, some colouring stuff, and a trampoline?"

Me and Leah gave each other the side-eye. We thought we had completed our Christmas shopping, but obviously we hadn't. I couldn't help but laugh at Teddy's on-the-spot addition to his Christmas list, reminding me of years before when Liv had done the same thing much closer to Christmas.

"A trampoline!" Santa gasped.
"Yeah! For me and my brother." Teddy smiled sweetly.
"Well, I'll do my best!"
"Thanks Santa!"

They smiled for the photographer, jumping down from the seat and running towards us. By the time we arrived home, they had both fallen asleep in the back of the car and didn't even flinch when we carried them upstairs or when we changed them into their pyjamas and put them to bed.

"Their faces were priceless." Leah breathed out as we threw ourselves onto the sofa.
"Our faces were priceless when Teddy announced he wants a bloody trampoline."
"I know! Thank god he didn't announce it on Christmas Eve." Leah chuckled.
"Liv did that once. She was going to bed that night and said I can't wait to get my personalised blanket tomorrow."
"Oh my god. What happened?"
"Mum spent the entire night at her sewing machine."

After a few seconds of laughter, she pulled me closer to her, shuffling around on the sofa until we were both comfortable.

"They didn't visit when you were going through the whole separation thing." Leah said softly.
"Nope."
"Did they say why?"
"No, I think it was a mixture between being afraid of ending up in the press and, I suppose, when you've been away from home for as long as I have, it's easy for people to just assume you're fine."
"Can I ask you something?"
"Course."
"Do you ever resent me for that?"
"For what?"
"I don't know if this is the right way to word it, but I guess I mean losing your family in some way."

I took a few seconds to think about it, throwing my leg over hers and nestling my head into her shoulder.

"If I could go back to that day when I made the decision to move here, knowing what I know now, I'd do it all again."
"Really?"
"A million times over for nights like tonight."
"Me too."

Those words were whispered against my forehead in between little pecks. Her hand found mine, but rather than holding it, she rubbed her thumb across the finger my wedding ring should've occupied. It wasn't that either of us were still doubtful about our future; I think neither of us knew when the right time was to put them back on was, and the longer we left it, the more it built up in our heads.

"We broke our vows." She whispered.
"I know. I promised we'd never go back to a time when work came between us."
"And I promised that being loved by you would always be my success, and then I let my success become some stupid divorce settlement."
"We both made mistakes."
"Maybe we should make news promises."
"Now?"
"No, properly."
"Like make our vows again?"
"Yeah. Is that ridiculous?"
"No, I love that idea." I whispered, tightening my grip on her.
"Leave it to me."

I couldn't help but get the feeling that she already had a plan and that asking the question tonight was her way of double checking. Either way, I just wanted my wedding ring back where it belonged.