larry stylinson one shots

i wanna fly away from my own skin and find a better place

-louis gets incredibly insecure about his body sometimes, but harry just wants louis to know how wonderful and beautiful he is

⚠️TW: body dysmorphia

-i love you so much <33

-

i hate the mirror.

when i look into it, i see absolutely everything-- my chubby stomach, my thighs that rub against eachother when i walk.

why do i have to look like this? i would trade my body for practically anyone else's.

i don't understand why harry even chose me. there's so many more beautiful people out there for him to love. i'm definitely not someone that i'd call beautiful.

i groan in anger and kick the bathroom cabinet, making a decent crack in the wood. i slide down the wall, tuck my knees to my chest, and bawl into my arms.

why why why??

i want this pain to go away

a phone ringing makes me lift my head up out of my arms quickly. i lean over to my phone and see it's harry calling. usually when i get a call from harry, i'm filled with joy. but right now, it's panic. what would he do if he found me like this? me with only boxers on, sitting on the bathroom floor, sobbing into my folded up arms; pathetic.

i quickly try to regulate my breathing and blow my nose so it doesn't sound like i was crying. once i do that, i answer the phone.

"hello?"

"hi, baby! i just wanted to let you know i'm on my way home now. are you alright? you sound kind of hoarse, like you've been crying."

"y-yeah everything's okay. i just woke up."

"oh. are you you sure, lou? you can tell me if you were crying. i'm here to help you. always."

"yes, harry i'm sure. i'm completely fine. don't worry about it."

"okay, then. i'll be there in about five minutes, okay? i love you, honey!"

"okay. i love you too."

i hang up first, then walk back to our shared bedroom. our bedroom has a full length mirror, so i really can see everything. i almost repeat the same thing i just did a few minutes ago-- analyze every single part of my body, do something impulsive out of anger, then completely breakdown. it's what happens every single time. this happens quite frequently, even though i wish it wouldn't.

harry has been there for me when i have these kinds of breakdowns, but i'm convinced he's tired of it. who would want to be with someone who's so insecure in their own skin that they cry and hit things, or even hurts themselves. isn't that tiring for him? it's surprising to me that he hasn't left me to deal with it on my own yet.

i shake away the thoughts, becuase i can't cry again. harry will be home soon.

i walk over to our dresser and try to find something baggy and oversized to wear. i don't feel like showing my body.

i pick one of harry's large gray hoodies, and some plaid pajama pants i got for christmas last year. i think i've gained weight since then, becuase they aren't as loose as they were last year. i quickly throw the clothes on and sit in the bed, waiting for harry to get home.

i'm so grateful for harry, honestly. in the three years we've been dating, he's helped me so much. i've recovered a lot in so many different ways. having support from him gave me motivation and courage to heal. i still can't help but wonder if harry just wants a normal, hot boyfriend. if that's what he wants, i'm not the one for him.