❤️‍🩹 Punch didn't hurt as much as the one which broke my heart ❤️‍🩹 KIMCHAY AU

6. Mouths

Kim needed to have his heart shot to be able to live again, to feel his emotions, to face them and to realise. He fell for Porchay and now he was falling on the ground, love committing the crime to reach him when he thought that everything would be destroyed. His corpse only regretted having pushed away Porchay before, to not have talked, now even his tongue was cut.

Kim was devastated and not controlling his expression anymore.

"No..." Porchay whispered, his voice coming like a whimper. "I didn't...mean it..." He would never mean it. He loved Kim. As much as he punched him emotionally so violently, as much as he lied, love wasn't like wind, love wasn't to disappear in some minutes, after some words. Kim had that face, the worst he had ever seen from him. Pain. So much pain. He wasn't crying but it felt like this. He was frozen and Porchay was making his best to not be the coldest of them both, he needed to warm everything he needed, he deeply needed to just take back time and not say this, but he couldn't so he needed to find new words.

Porchay walked closer, slowly, he walked to Kim who only began to raise his head and stare at him. It was obvious that he was thinking, thinking and he might have been accepting it all. No signs of anger, no signs of anything, just the silence of someone who was thinking that he deserved it.

"P'Kim...I am sorry...I...really didn't mean it..." Porchay repeated, now just some inches from his body, Kim was still not moving, he was silent. The boy saw him gulping down, his eyes getting back their usual bored behaviour.

"It's okay..." He just nodded.

"No! It's not okay!" Porchay screamed, tears falling from his cheeks. "It's not!" He whispered, hiding his face in his own hands.

"Chay...I promise it's okay..." Kim repeated not moving. "It's just how it should be." Kim stated, the emotion of his voice dead.

"It shouldn't be!" Porchay snapped, tugging on Kim's jacket. "I didn't wish you to be dead! Please...I swear in my own head...I was just ...angry at you...and...I am worried for my Hia...I feel useless..." The last word ended like an echo, soft, far away and painful.

Kim got closer, he put his hand on Porchay's hair and caressed them softly. "Your...anger..."

Porchay raised his head, waiting for the next words. But Kim couldn't continue, he wanted to ask about it, he needed to know better if it was an emotional anger or a violent anger, if anything could be done for it to be soothed.

"P'Kim...did you ever love me?"

Kim lost it. His expression was showing how much this question pushed him on the edge. He had no idea of what to do, his instinct was telling him to hide and to lie, his broken state was screaming that he should acknowledge his emotions.

"I..." Kim said, sliding his hand on Porchay's cheek. "I don't know for sure...but I definitely...I am...not insensitive...to you..." He confessed, pink on his cheeks and an uncomfortable attitude which put Porchay himself into discomfort.

"So...was I imagining your tenderness towards me?" Porchay asked, he wanted more words, more proof.

"...no..."

"Was it planned?" Porchay continued, his own hand on Kim's one now.

"No...I had no idea...no idea...that someone could...make me smile like this..." And the softest of them all appeared and Porchay melted, more tears falling. "Are you okay Chay?"

"I just need one...one answer..." He whispered, closing his eyes. "Do you want to try? Together?"

Kim observed him for a few seconds. He was craving the boy, his touch, his voice, his emotions, he wanted to devour it all. It was so foreign and yet he wanted to jump into it and yet he was also terrified to not be able to do it.