Peace at Last

A Pain in the Bum: Part 1

Beside her was Ishiri Genzou, a cool looking young man with a calm attitude, he was cutting up ingredients to pass over for Emiya, the main chef to cook. Together with Matsue, they work full-time at Copenhagen as cooks.

They were all concentrating, almost finishing an order when suddenly- Rin came bolting to the kitchen kitchen yelling: "DAD! EMERGENCY!" She said in a panicked voice.

The cooking staff were looking at her. "Rin-chan? What is it?" Ishiri was the first to ask.

"I-I need to talk to dad, something is up!" She answered.

At their back was Emiya, turning off the stove. His looming figure dwarfing the two cooks in front of him. "Rin?"

"There you are! A-ah, someone m-made a c-com-" She panics.

"C'mon, out with it."

"-Complaint! They didn't like the food, damnit!" She pants and finally relaxes.

Instead of a burst of anger, Emiya was relaxed and raised a brow. "Well? What did they say?"

The girl wiped some sweat form her forehead. "They said that the food is too bland-" She starts to list things out her fingers. "-That it was unhealthy, the meat is also undercooked, -aaand that she wants to see the owner. Shouted a lot too."

"Was there others with her?"

"Uhhm, Ah, yes! She has partner sitting at her table!"

Emiya cupped his chin and thought about the situation... 'What is this, the food goes through a taste test as usual... the meat was personally cooked by me, if there was anything undercooked it wouldn't slip past me. Think Emiya, think. A critic? No, this thing is borderline slander! Then why? A competitor?'

"D..ad!"

'Then again... I wouldn't exactly call ours worthy of any attention, this was just a small restaurant, I didn't even think of anything when designing it... if anything they should be criticizing THAT-'

"DAD!" He was broken from his thoughts. "What do we do?"

The chef paused for a second... He nods "Alright, let's face this critic of ours."

The pair proceeded to the door, ready to face whoever is behind it. The owner touches the knob. He gulps. 'Now, what do we have-'

He was stunned by what he saw- a woman, wearing a white off-shoulder dress with gold stripes at the top, but it was not the one that stunned him; it was the white hair and red eyes.

'Einzbern!' His mind went full throttle, readying weapons to project from the bladeworks- but then, the woman smiled at him and said: "Shirou-kun~ Mama's here~" She opened her arms for a hug. This was much. MUCH worse!

He slammed the kitchen door shut, hearing a faint 'oh my' from beyond.

Rin tilts her head in confusion. "Who was that?"

"Nothing important!-"

"I'm entering now~" He heard, making him panic even more.

"Nononono! Rin! Duck!"

"What!?"

"Just do it!-"

*BOOM!*

The door suddenly exploded, breaking the hinges in the process. It stayed up for a second, and then hits the floor. A shadow followed afterwards. "Now, where's this petulant child of mine?~"

"You're not my mother!" Emiya said, covering his daughter from the debris.

"Fufu~ I am. I decided so."

"Rin!? Is she the one you saw?" He asks his daughter.

"Yes?" She answered, sounding unsure.

"What's with that tone!?"

"I m-mean-!" She was interrupted.

"Oh sweetie, I can answer that!" It was the woman from earlier. "Some minor light redirection can do many things! I just made it so your eyes would avoid identifying my face!"

"You mean mage-"

"Iri! We promised not to make a scene." A gruff voice came from behind her. It was a man wearing a suit, with white hair and tanned skin like Emiya.

"But Kiri~"

"No buts. And- it's probably best if you fix this mess, everyone's looking at us." The man said in a flat tone, almost emotionleslly.

"Hm? I made sure to put everyone to slee-"

"Tsk, it's the kitchen staff- they're still here." The man pointed at Ishiri and Hina, their mouths agape in shock.

Emiya looks at his back, he saw the pair that was still looking at Kiritsugu and Irisviel. "Oh god." He said. "Genzou, Matsue. Go to the backdoor, you're on break."

"But, Emiya-dono." Hina tries to object.

"Just do as I said."

The pair looked hesitant at first, but then they bowed and proceeded to open the backdoor, Emiya then locked it from the inside.

Emiya dusted off his clothes and his daughter's, the latter getting embarrassed by such action. The man crossed his arms and looked at the pair in front of him stoically. "Now, Caster and Assassin, what in the root's elusive name are you doing in here?"

"Wha-? I told you to stop calling me by my class!" Iri reacted negatively, pouting and wearing grumpy expression.

On the other hand, Kiritsugu didn't mind it and went straight to explaining. "Master sent us here, Chaldea has an ongoing investigation about your whereabouts, your spirit origin just disappeared from the records suddenly, and the Artorias went ballistic when they found out that you weren't cooking for lunch, we tried resummoning you, using Kuro as a catalyst. Still a failure, the kid's the only thing that remains at Chaldea that was somewhat you, even the Alter disappeared."

"And that was?"

"A year ago."

'What!? But it's been sixteen years since my retirement!' The former-guardian thought.

"It's more fortunate for us guardians, we won't miss it because Alaya broadcasted it as soon as the investigation was launched. Okita Alter went and locked herself in her room as when she found out, Sakamoto won't shut up about a 'retirement plan' all day." He shook his head. "After that, we got a tip from the wizard martial."

"Tohsaka." Emiya growled the name.

Kiritsugu nods. "Yes, correct. We also found out because of her that rarely, there exists some type of time dilation between parallel worlds. The farther they are the more time will be out of sync... something about the speed of light, she said."

"And then we came to retrieve you!" Irisviel interjected. "Oh, I can't get Saber's sad face out of my head when she found out that you were gone from Chaldea."

Rin on the other hand just watched in confusion at what's happening, her brow twitching in anger, craving for an explanation... again.

"Wait- what is happening here!? Are these mages!?" She asks.

"Hm?" Iri looked at her. "Who are you?"

"If you should know 'madam', I am the daughter of the owner, Rin Emiya, ready to serve." She said in faux calmness.

'Now you've done it.' Both Assassin and Archer Emiyas spoke on their head, knowing what happens next.

"OHMYGOOOD! I have a grandkid!" Iri flung herself and hugged the poor girl tightly. "Just so you know, you can call me Grandma! We're gonna shop a lot, and I'm gonna do your hair and then you're gonna do mine- oh I can't wait- eeeeeek!"

"Get. off. me!" Rin just looked at the men beside her.

They both shook their head silently. As if saying 'nothing we could do.'

'CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN THINGS TO ME, PLEASE!' She shouted mentally, drowning at the woman's bosom.

A/N: So, FGO's Iri and Kiri is here, just going off by some headcanons btw. Chaldea won't be here yet

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