The Twenty Year Triangle

Chapter Thirty-Nine

"What did you say to get him to step aside?"

"We were too old for pacts at that point, so I said it's only fair I can tell you how I feel, first as I knew you longer, and I get it that a bullshit thing, but I was grasping at straws. I begged him to give me one chance to talk to you first, literally begged. It took some convincing, but he finally agreed, that I could talk to you first, and he would if and when you reject me."

Oliver pauses momentarily as that memory seems to hit him, and he smiles slightly. "We both assumed you'd reject us for the other."

"Yet I was never actually given the choice," I point out. "You never talked to me, and neither did he."

"I was going to, I swear. I meant it when I told him I was going to tell you I was in love with you. I was going to the day I came home, Kinsey, but then I saw your face."

"And you saw how heartbroken I was that day," I fill in. "I told you I loved Hunter on the day you were going to confess to me."

"To this day, I don't know how I held it together for you. Those words killed me, Love. I didn't think there was any hope for me after that," Oliver confesses. "That was when I finally decided to move on."

I gulp. It hurts me to know how bad he hurt in those early years of high school.

"Only I didn't really try to move on, because if I really wanted to, I'd have told you the truth. I almost did that day, but you stopped me. I gladly let you because I wanted to keep whatever window open I could."

I let out a long and shaky sigh.

"I'm not going to lie to you; I'm upset about all this," I tell him, and he nods. "I understand your reasons. I feel terrible that you were hurting, but I still find it unfair that I never knew I had the choice I did."

"Of course, you're upset about it. I don't blame you for that," Oliver says. "But I shouldn't be the only one you're upset with over that."

"You manipulated him."

"It doesn't matter," Oliver says. "He also could have taken all your hurt away with his truth, and he kept it from you. He can be as mad at me as he wants to be over all this, and so can you, but what's his excuse?"

"He felt like it would have undercut you to break his word so he couldn't, and then in his pain he started partying a lot and didn't think he deserved me anymore. But also, he didn't want to hurt or lose you or me as a friend. He was... well fuck he was scared." I let out a short laugh. "That's all our reason if you think about it. We were all scared of our huge feelings back then."

... and I'm still scared of mine today, so much for adulting, right?

"Yeah...we were," he agrees slowly. "Does that mean you forgive me for my part?"

"Forgive maybe isn't the right word," I say slowly. "You did what you did, and it's part of why Hunter and I never had our chance, but like you said, that was only your part. He also has his blame in this, and so do I. I don't think it's something I can forgive because I'm not angry. I'm just upset... finding it all out now."

"I don't blame you for being upset. I know I should apologize, but I'm not sorry."

"Doubling down on that?" I ask as I arch an eyebrow.

"I am, yes, because I still believe if I hadn't, we never would have happened. Even if we all had was that one great year, it was worth it."

"We were together for two years," I retort irritably as my cheeks heat up.

"I said what I said."

"Seriously!?"

"Some of 2002 was alright, I guess."