CATALYST

TRAVIS

       "When I came out of the bathroom, David was already asleep, facing away from me on his side. Poor guy. I'd worn him out. He was going to be pretty sore tomorrow. Hopefully, he'd think it was worth it.

      I climbed into bed and curled my body around his, slinging an arm around his waist. His skin was warm and smelled so good¸ I put my face at the side of his neck and inhaled deeply. Ocean and sex. Nothing better.

      This weekend had been incredible. There wasn't one moment I'd trade for anything, and there were some—like the way he'd held my hand tonight, the way his voice had trembled when he said he'd wanted to know what it was like to be mine, the way he'd offered himself to me in the most intimate and deeply personal way he could—those moments would stay with me forever. I'd felt so cherished and trusted and close to him.

       Was it enough? Was I enough? He still refused to talk about the future. I'd been about to tell him how I felt when he derailed the conversation with sex. I couldn't resist him when he got like that—hot and demanding—but where did that leave us? The sex was beyond amazing, but I wanted to hear him tell me what we had was worth more than that. That I was worth more than that.

      Tonight when I was cleaning him up, I'd seen the look in his eyes. Surprise and gratitude and affection. With my hands on his chest, I'd felt the way his heart was beating. He'd liked being taken care of—it made him happy. He was always the one who rescued and protected and put others first, whether it was family or friends or even the animals he said Sowon was always foisting on him. What a relief it must have been to let himself be cared for that way, especially after what we'd done. I knew he hadn't taken it lightly, and some part of him probably wondered if I'd look at him the same way I did before. If I'd see him as something less then perfect now that I'd seen him at his most vulnerable, his most honest, stripped down to nothing but his deepest needs.

      The realization made me snuggle closer. Underneath his perfect exterior, David was human and wanted to be loved for who he was. He wanted to feel worthy of being loved. I wanted to know what it would be like to be yours. To belong to you, he'd said.

      Acceptance.

     He wanted to be accepted. The trouble was, it wasn't my acceptance he needed.

      It was his own.

     

      * * * * * *

      David was quiet the next morning—and sore. I had to smile when he groaned getting out of bed.

      "You okay?" I asked.

      "No. Muscles I didn't even know I had are screaming." He limped toward the bathroom.

      "Need help?"

      "No. If I don't come out, I'm dead and you killed me."

      "But was it worth it?"

      At the bathroom door, he looked over his shoulder, his expression serious. "Fuck yes, it was."

      My grin widened. "Good."

      He didn't die, and we went down to breakfast, during which he was mostly silent and distracted. I didn't push him to talk, because I understood there were things he had to work out in his head, and he wasn't the kind of guy to trust his gut, like I was. It was going to take some time.