Ink scribbles

Chapter 5

By: @vintage_frootloop
Poetry café poem <3
Title: Betrayed

A typhoon of thoughts,
Secrets locked away in a shipwrecked chest.
A tsunami of reality that grows and grows until it crashes upon the shore.
Wiping away the emotions of the past.
The water invades your lungs,
It steals away your breath like a thief.
My heart is pounding like a drum,
Voices are yelling, they're screaming.
All wishing to be heard.
Swarming in my mind, like bees in unrest.
A harsh imprint of betrayal sears through my perceptions of those around me.
Negative, I'm oh so negative.
A bitter taste of sorrow is kindling on my tongue.
A smoky haze,
Yet it's my world, my reality,
But my world is burning down.
No matter how hard I try,
I'll never be enough,
All of my attempts at an escape from the horrors of distressing reality.
I'm the golden child, not the favorite.
I've made less mistakes,
I've been kind, I've been honest, loyal, and patient.
I've been SO many things!
How come I've never been enough?
The fog in my mind clouds my judgment,
I make mistakes,
Mistakes that set off chain reactions.
I'm doubtful because I'm always doubted.
I can't trust, because I know the stories of my past outshine who I am today.
I've become problematic by the problems I've had to face,
The problems I'm still facing.
And I don't know how to deal with them,
I don't know how to cope.
What is normal for you is abnormal to someone else.
A different point of view,
You haven't walked in their shoes.
I I I why am I only talking about I,
Why? Why? Just why.
I'm not the only one with these issues, not the only with these faults.
So why talk about me? Or I, just why?
Overthinking, I just can't stop.
Addicted to overanalyzing,
The pressure is building up.
I'm let down, set aside and second best.
All my life, all these years.
Overreacting is my problem,
I'm the problem,
I can't help but observe what I'm so repeatedly shown.
My fault, My problem, My life.
If I don't like it then why don't I just... leave?
"Calm down",
"It's only because she's insecure"
"Attention seeker"
Are these comments nothing but the truth?
Am I nothing too?
I feel betrayed,
I don't know how to trust.
I'm tearing through the library in my mind,
Looking for peace, among the shelves.
Looking for hope among the bitter tragedies that outshine the sparks of mirth.
The struggles I face are but a pebble to some of others.
Why do I complain too much?
How dare I?
Im blaming others for my problems,
How low can I get?
Does anyone miss who I used to be?
My trust in people has flatlined,
Empty promises,
Plentiful lies.
All I can think of is chaos now,
What's up with that?
How have I gotten to this place,
My tragic headspace,
Headaches, heartbreaks, I can't think.
I see my happiest memories in all the shadows,
A bittersweet reminder of my life before.
Before I knew my troubles,
Before I felt the ticking time bomb of a panic attack.
Before I felt the sinking and shaking of anxiety,
Before I stressed over daily life,
I just need to get over myself,
My life isn't exactly the worst.
I'm lucky to have somewhere to live,
Somewhere to rest,
Food to eat,
So How can I complain?
This world engulfs me in its raging fire of scrutiny,
My daily conflict between mirth and sorrow for the sake of peace of mind.
It's all a kaleidoscope,
Rainbows that peak after the rain.
An apology, A wish,
My sanctuary of thoughts.