Band Oneshots

You love me or not (David Lee Roth X Eddie Van Halen)

David is lying with his head on the crook of Eddie's arm, one leg slung across his hips. Eddie's jeans feel pleasantly rough against his bare thigh, and he smells like clean sheets an well Eddie's shampoo.

David feels small and safe, and that should make him much more uncomfortable than it does. He traces patterns all over Eddie's bare chest, occasionally straying every now an again to rub a nipple just to hear him sighs at that.

They fucked earlier, in the shower, and David is pretty sure they'll go for round two later tonight. But for now though he's content to just lying there snuggled up in Eddie's arms.

They don't have moments like this very often anymore. It's always city to city, show to show, day after day after day. Only ever time for quick blowjobs in the dressing room or bathroom if there lucky and stolen kisses in the wings.

He loves touring, but...

Eddie sighs again, happily, a dreamy smile on his lips as he looks down at David.

Outside the hotel room the sun is going down. The blinds do a bad job at keeping the last rays out, and beneath him Eddie is bathed in the golden glow. "Beautiful," he murmurs as he tangles his fingers in the hairs on Eddie's chest. He's grown up so much since they first met.

Eddie hums, running his fingers through David's locks. Still damp, because blow-drying his hair would take much too long when he could instead be here.

"Are you in love with me?"

The question comes at such an unguarded moment that David almost mindlessly answers yes. Just manages to catch the words before they escape his mouth, instead looking up at his lover.

Eddie looks innocent, and glorious, and like he has no idea how complicated a question that is. Like it's a perfectly normal question to just ask.

"It's nice a moment we don't get a lot like this it's...em do we have to talk, can't we just enjoy this moment?" he says lightly, hoping Eddie will let it go.

He doesn't, of course. Hazel eyes boring into David's. "It's not really a question that requires a long conversation."

David feels panic trying to claw its way up from his chest. Fights the urge to walk away in a huff and hide somewhere until Eddie is done asking inane questions that don't have a right answer and they can go back to being them, undefined as it is.

Of course that's impossible now anyway. For a moment he feels a hot flash of anger at Eddie for asking in the first place.

Eddie is looking at him warily, and as soon as he notices that the frustration disappears. Ask anything, David had once told him. Never be satisfied with what you're given.

"I care for you," he says tentatively.

Eddie scoffs. "I know that, that's not what I asked." He purses his lips, gently pushes David away so he could sits up. Wraps his arms around his folded knees. "It's alright if the answer's no, okay? I just think I have a right to know."

Truth is, David doesn't know why this is so hard for him to say. He knows he cares about Eddie, loves him even, knows that he has never felt this about anyone not quite the way he feels about Eddie. Eddie Is his whole world an so much more.

If he is in love with Eddie, then he must never have been in love before, because he's never felt like this. His not sure what that would mean for his past relationships? He doesn't want to think about any of this. It was such a nice evening.

Maybe he just doesn't want to lie to him. Maybe he just doesn't want anything to change, if he fucks this up he'll loses Eddie, mess up the band an have there drummer wanting to punch him for hurting his little brother. Maybe he just wants this, forever, something that's always there but never truly real.

If you say things out loud they become real, everyone knows that.

He searches for something to say, a way to stop this moment. Pushes himself up to sit on his knees before Eddie, untangles his hair with his fingers to steal some extra time.

"You've never said it either." He scratches his neck. It's not strictly a lie. Eddie says he loves him all the time, when they're with others. He's said it in interviews even. 'I love David, we're very close, we're such great friends, I love him so much,' and so on and on and on. Not when they're alone though. "Not like this."

"Well, I do," Eddie says, tone clipped. He's acting offended and like he doesn't really care either way but his eyes are sad. David hates it's when Eddies sad especially when it's his own doing but he doesn't know how to fix it, how to salvage this night from being completely ruined.

He reaches out and strokes Eddie's cheek with the back of his hand. Eddie leans into it. "You already know the answer."

"I'm starting to doubt it," Eddie mumbled. He sniffs again. David realises he's started crying. He buries his face into his knees, shoulders shaking. David really messed this up. He should just get over himself and say something.

He sighs and leans in to kiss the top of Eddie's head. "I don't mean to be difficult. This isn't easy for me. I don't want things to change."

"Why would things change?" Eddie's voice is muffled but at least he's still talking to David. "Things aren't less true just because they go unsaid."

David thinks of all the ways that isn't true. Thinks of how much easier it is to pretend someone can not hurt you when they don't know you care. Thinks of how simple it is to let things happen as long as you don't talk about how it should be.

"Some things don't need saying," he tells Eddie, but he already knows it's not enough. Maybe if he had said that in the first place, but not anymore. Eddie is still crying and David wants him to stop. He shouldn't care. The whole world already tells him they love him, why should David have to say it?

Why does it matter so much? An why does it feel like something is squeezing at his chest with every single one of Eddie's sobs?

He moves to sit next to him and carefully wraps an arm around his shoulders. Eddie immediately buries his face in David's shoulder, like some sort of reflex. "It's alright," David shushes him almost automatically.

"Look, I wish you hadn't asked me to say it. I care for you. Do I have to say more? I'm not... I don't em... I really wish you hadn't asked me." He feels gross, feels like he's lying, and for the first time he can remember he actually cares that he is.

Eddie doesn't stop crying, just holds on to David tighter like he's waiting for him to walk out an never return. David really wishes he could stop his crying, wishing that he would laugh at David incompetence and kiss him to shut him up.

"Eddie, please, say something. What is wrong?" he asks, feeling frantic and annoyed and too flustered.

"I ruined everything," Eddie eventually sobs. "I shouldn't have brought it up, I just thought... maybe if I asked you would just say it, I shouldn't have, I.."

"It's okay," David says, thankful it's not his fault anymore. "Let's just forget about it? We have an entire night and morning left, it's fine."

Eddie nods against his shoulder but doesn't move away yet, so David unfolds his legs from beneath him and lies down against the headboard. Until they're lying almost exactly like they were before this mess started, only with positions reversed. The light filtering through the blinds is pale and silver instead of gold.

Yet something still seems too fragile and fractured between them right now. "You know you're my favourite person, right?"

Eddie sniffs. "I better be."