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"Mom.." Honesty said, walking in my bedroom as I was finishing getting ready.
"Yeah?" I said.
"Uh, where's DaJaun?" She asked.
"Oh, Kamal took him to the park along with Kumar" I said chuckling.
"Aww that's cute" She said.
"Yeah. Getting some time with both his sons" I said with a smile.
"Love it. I just.. Need to talk to you before I go with Kasey" Honesty said.
"Everything okay?" I asked.
"I don't know really" She said.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"So the other night, when that whole fight broke out at your show.." She trailed off.
"Lord. Don't even get me started on that" I said and we both laughed.
"Yeah. But before the fight, when you were singing, it's like- I saw dad's being or something." Honesty said and I looked over at her.
"What do you mean?" I asked, already getting an idea but I wanted to see first.
"Like.. He was standing beside you while you were singing. I can't really describe it without sounding crazy but-"
"You don't sound crazy baby. Go head, continue" I said.
"It's like, he was standing beside you. Staring at me. It was kind of scary." Honesty said.
"How was he staring at you? In an angry way? Happy way?" I asked.
"He didn't look angry but he didn't look happy either. I can't really explain it. But he was just staring at ME, while standing beside YOU. Then like, I would look at Kumar because I didn't wanna look at dad. Then when I would look back on stage, he was gone. I don't know" Honesty said.
"I think it has a lot to do with how you feel towards your dad, and how he passed." I said grabbing her hand.
"What was he like..?" Honesty asked.
I smiled a little.
"Your dad was a good person. A phenomenal artist, and a loving father. He loved you, so much." I said.
"But how was he a good person? He was horrific to you mom. He cheated on you with multiple women, he hit you in your eye. He was narcissistic, he was a liar. And a cheater. And he-"
"Wait wait- Baby how do you even know all of that?" I asked.
Because I never told her anything me and Roddy went through BECAUSE I didn't want her feeling this way towards him.
"The internet. I read about it online and I seen videos of him cheating, in cars with other women, holding hands walking in venues. Paparazzi would ask him about you and he would say "f that b". Mom he would call you out of your name" Honesty said.
"He wasn't in his right mind." I said sighing.
"It doesn't matter. I don't respect how he treated you. Because I'm a reflection of you. How could he love me if he didn't love my mom? How could he love me if he killed himself and didn't think how that would affect me?" Honesty said.
"Baby, he loved you. Your father's mental was warped the moment he picked up drugs. And that's no excuse but that's what happened. And he loved me too, he just didn't know how to deal with the consequences of his actions to a lot of things he did in his life" I said.
"Yeah like killing Auntie Remy's ex girlfriend Nicole, constantly fighting Kamal, cheating on you with some girl named Allie." Honesty said.
My goodness the internet tells it all. I can definitely tell she's been researching him, trying to learn about him but only learned the negative things he's done.
That made me sad. This is why I would tell Roddy to stop doing what he was doing, especially publicly. Because our daughter would grow up one day and see all of that.
"Honesty, all of those things make your dad seem like this crazy, deranged, messed up human being-"
"He was." Honesty said.
"He was not. He made tons of mistakes, like everyone else in the world, but he wasn't a bad person. He just.. Got lost in this world. In this life. And I think, he couldn't handle it after he seen all the damage and pain he caused. He was struggling mentally before he even met me, and he told me that in the letter he wrote me before he committed suicide. So I think life just began to be too much for him.." I said rubbing her back.
She shook her head.
"Then he shouldn't have pursued you, and he shouldn't have had a kid if he was messed up like that. Because he messed you up, and he messed me up too. And now, me and you are left here to pick up the pieces." Honesty said.
"Honesty." I said and she stood up. "I hate him, that's why he popped on the stage last night. Because he knows I want nothing to do with him" She said leaving out the room.
"Honesty!" I said following her. "Don't say that" I said sighing.
She has a right to be upset, I knew she most likely would be upset with how he left when she got older but hearing her say she hates him hurts my heart. Because it proves that she's hurt by this, and that's something a parent never wants. Is her kid to be hurting.
"I hate him mom! I hate him with my whole soul, just like he hates me" She said putting the pictures she had of him, and she flipped them over so she wouldn't see his face.
"Come here" I said.
"Over it, I'm done" Honesty said. "MOM I HATE HIM!" She yelled out, from the depths of her soul.
I could feel it.
"Honesty!" I said, trying to grab her and she took the RR Chain and threw it against the wall. "I HATE HIM! I'M GLAD HE'S DEAD!" She yelled before she started crying.
Which made me start crying.
I pulled her to me and immediately felt the spirit come over me, as I held her tightly. "Jesus, give her peace. My baby is not at peace. She never was... Glory, Hallelujah" I prayed holding her tight and she held me back as she sobbed.
"God he just left me, he didn't even care, he don't love me" She sobbed.
This hurt me so bad.
"Father God, give her the spirit of forgiveness. Please give her some type of understanding, and that if she never will understand, that she'll have peace in knowing that it happened for a reason. We may never know what that reason is, but we pray that you strengthen us through it. In the name of Jesus, give her the peace. Give her the peace.." I prayed as I hugged and rubbed on her back.
I knew this day would come, where she would let her anger out. I just didn't know when.
"Help her understand that the time they shared was real." I prayed. "In your name Lord, we pray, Amen"
"It's gone be alright baby. I got you. I always did and I always will" I said as she hugged me and began to calm herself down, and we just held each other.
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☕️ How do you guys feel about this talk between HeavenLeigh and Honesty?
