Found You

17. I can't escape

I'm not recovering at all. Even after three years, I still got the vision of my past at nights, that I stop going to bed. It's rather a short nap or no sleep at night. My therapist said I need to let go. Everything I have in my head. I need to let go. But...

But if anyone were in my place, I doubt they'll be anyhow different than me. It's easier said than done. Along with cursed nights, volka became my company. But second thought, this isn't working at all. Even volka can't help me forget.

I quitted everything. I no longer wish to communicate with people anymore. Yeah, Wonseok told me to at least talk to my friends. Like I follow rules any longer. The mean nothing but restrictions now. I'm already a goer.

Suddenly, the landphone in the living room starts to ring. My eyes cast toward the direction but I hesitate in my seat. After a minute, I get up to answer. It's better to face now than having a night-over-sleep. The guy can be a clingy ass sometimes. I anticipate Jongdae to greet me like every other morning. Trust me. This dude could be freaking insistent when he wants. Kai and others stop reaching out frequently after I came up to them as always grumpy guy. But Jongdae. God dammit. Leave me the fuck alone.

“ Baek? ”
The voice at the other side sounds small and trembling.

“ Hello? ”

“ It's hyung ”
Hyung?
I stand there dumbfounded and speechless at what I should say back to that.

We've not been in touch since that day. Since the chaos. I heard he was hospitalised because of diabetes from aunti Hija, but it breaks me to know how weak he is through his tone.

“ Hyung ”
A pang of sadness churns in my stomach. How I missed him. It's the first time after all these things.

“ I missed you Baek ”
My knees weaken at that. He'll never know how much I'm defeated and weakened after this time. I wanna blame him. I wanna hate him. But I can't.

“ Hyung, how are you? Are you well? ”
I draw my questions carefully. He needs to be healthy and well. He must be.

“ I wanna see you ”
Quickly wiping my tears, I listen to him carefully. If he wants to see me, I'll go see him. I'll take care of him.

I take a quick shower to scour the alcohol scent on my skin carefully. When I walk into my room to take out some decent clothing, I suddenly realise she's here and sigh staring at the wiggling toes under the sheets.

“ Oppa? Why are you in a rush? ”
She looks up at me under her fake lashes she always wears- even in her sleep- and grips the sheets tight to her chest.

“ I'm sorry Yejin. I need to go out. I'm sure you can manage to go home by yourself. Sorry huh ”
Her eyes widen at my words and she stares at me confused. But I don't stop to explain further before I get into my car and leave for the hospital where my brother is waiting for me patiently.