Tequila & Birdcages

Security Blanket |w.v+b.d.h|

CW: 'slight' ocd (contamination), anxiety, sensory processing disorder (sensitivity to texture), 'slight' misophonia (sensitivity to sound)

As I'm sitting on the couch watching 'The Vault' on Netflix, Mina walks by and towards the back of the house. I pay no mind to it, being very immersed since it's almost at the end. I see her come back out the corner of my eye and she stops next to the tv. She clears her throat and my gaze momentarily shifts to her, quickly analyzing her body language.

She seems annoyed but again I don't pay much attention because the movie is really good. "Yes?" I prompt as I lean slightly forward in anticipation of the main characters next moves. "I need to wash that" she states and my eyes dart to her once again. "This?" I question, pulling open the blanket wrapped around me.

"Yes" she sighs tiredly, "right now?" I question further which only seems to agitate her more. "Yes, 'right now'. It hasn't been washed in a month, now come on" she demands with her hand out as she comes to stand beside the couch. That gets my attention and I pause the movie, looking up at her nervously.

"Give me the cover" she orders, her eyes narrowing slightly and I slowly hand it over. She takes it and sighs once more as she makes her way to the laundry room. I sit there stunned for a moment, running through my options. "The other one is dirty, and that one will take hours to clean and dry, what do I do?" I mumble quietly to myself.

I can already feel myself getting cold but that's honestly not my concern. Well, it is but, it's not my biggest concern. I used to only have one blanket that I use almost all the time except when we're in bed. I rarely ever washed it but then it was too dirty and on that particular day I just didn't have the energy to wash it.

Then I found the one she just took and it was almost perfect. I had to get adjusted to the texture a bit but then it became my second favorite. I never bothered to wash the other one because I had that one. Now she's taken it and the other one is still dirty. Of course there are other blankets in the linen closet but... they're contaminated.

I cant explain 'why' but they just are. They've been sitting up there unused and they'd need to be washed before I'd even consider wrapping myself in one. As I sit and run through my options, I realize I have none. I also need to wash my clothes and therefore I have no sweaters I could put on. I don't even have any oversized shirts I could curl up in.

I feel my anxiety begin to rise the longer I sit. I get up and settle to put on a pair of sweats over my leggings and then socks as well. I sit back on the couch but I still don't feel comfortable. I can't lay down because putting my face in the bare couch would actually make my skin crawl. It's not gross or anything but it also just doesn't feel clean enough.

I mean sure the cover wasn't the cleanest, considering it hasn't been washed in a month. But it was my 'dirt' on it, besides, it's not like I don't shower. My mind begins to travel to other things that have been stressing me out lately. Then to completely random things that make absolutely no sense and have no importance at the moment.

My brain feels so occupied that I can't think and yet it's also full of thoughts. I feel frozen to my spot as I keep trying to solve this problem. I need something to wrap myself in and there's literally nothing. I can't continue the movie to distract me because, again, I have a routine. I wrap myself in the cover and watch a movie, that's how it always works.

I've never really had this problem before so I never realized how important it was until now. I quickly grab my phone, hoping that music will calm my nerves. I turn on Mitski at a very low volume so as to not disturb Wilhemina. Too slow. I play a song by the Mills Brothers because older music always seems to calm me. Too many noises.

Then an idea sparks in my head and I quickly search the song. When I'm Sixty Four by The Beatles. There's quite a bit of mixed noises in it but the tempo is perfect and it reminds me of one of my favorite actresses. I feel myself slowly calming down as I hug myself a bit. I finally feel like I can relax, so I lean back into the couch.

It takes me only a millisecond to realize I'm wearing a tank top. Which means my bare back is touching the couch. I try to ignore it but my anxiety immediately spikes again. I lean forward and groan in frustration. The song keeps me from panicking again but I can't sit up the whole time. As I put my hands on my head, gripping my hair, I hear the door open.

My head swivels to it, my eyes slightly widened in fear. I have no reason to be afraid but my nerves are on high alert right now. I hear a familiar sigh and then the soft sound of a bag hitting the table. Then the sound of keys before heels are tossed aside. I don't take my eyes off the entryway until I see Billie come into view.

I allow myself to let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and I close my eyes. "Hi, babydoll" I hear and I open my eyes to look at her. I can only imagine the helpless look that must be on my face because that's exactly how I feel. "You look like a deer caught in headlights, sweetheart. What's wrong?" she asks and I can't bring myself to say anything.

She come closer and sits beside me, placing a hand on my thigh. "Where's your-" before she finishes her eyes drift to my phone, it's then that I hear the music again. I go to turn it off but she shushes me gently and shakes her head. Without saying a word she pats my arm signaling for me to move. I stand up and she sits down with her legs laying longways on the couch, placing a big pillow behind her to support her back.

She pats her chest and I sit on her lap, laying my head to her chest. She wraps her arms securely around me and kisses my temple. I try my best to match her breathing and just listen to the steady beating of her heart. I close my eyes as I inhale her scent, while mouthing the words to the song.

I feel myself being grounded again and as the guilt begins to set in, I hear footsteps. I move to sit up but Billie just holds me a little tighter, silently telling me not to move. I oblige and try to relax my muscles again as Mina comes into view. "I didn't know you were home" the redhead says and I don't hear Billie verbally respond but I assume she just smiles.

"What's going on?" Mina asks confused, "you took her blanket" Billie states softly. I see Mina's eyebrows only furrow even more before she glances away for a moment. "Can't you just use the black and grey one" she suggests, "no" I mumble quietly. "Well there's a dark blue one up there too" she states, "no" I repeat and she sighs.

"Mina you took the blanket" Billie stresses and it takes a while for it to click for the redhead. "Shit" she mutters as she comes to sit down by the blonde's feet. "I'm sorry. It didn't even cross my mind" she utters remorsefully and I just shake my head. "It's ok" I mutter, "I'm sorry. This is so stupid" I scoff.

"It's not, baby" Billie assures me, "she's right. I know it may seem silly but we all have things that comfort us" Mina affirms. "Yeah I have my dumb nails that are always getting in the way" Billie chuckles, "I love your nails" I pout as I move to look up at her. She simply smiles and pecks my lips then strokes my hair.

"And I wear purple" Mina adds with a shrug and I realize they're right. I never noticed it before I just thought these were things they really liked. Of course they like them but I didn't know there was significance or a special importance to them. "So, you see? I have my nails, Mina has her purple, and you have your blanket. There's nothing 'weird' about it" Billie reassures me.

I smile a little, not feeling as guilty for being this way. "How about we all cuddle until it's done and then I'll wash your other one too? Just so we can be sure this doesn't happen again" Mina suggests and I nod shyly. "Good. I hate to see my little one so upset" she frowns slightly and I sit up, Billie allowing me to this time.

I crawl the short distance between us and hug her tightly. Afterwards we head up to the bedroom and I take off the extra garments I put on prior to slipping into bed with my girlfriends. They squeeze me in a little sandwich and I grin goofily. Billie turns on the movie I was watching and then wraps her arms back around me.

"We love you, darling" Billie whispers, "we really really do" Mina confirms. "I love you guys too" I mumble as I feel them both kiss either side of my face.