Tequila & Birdcages

I can't deny it |c.g|

This is going to be 3 parts and mostly in reader pov
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Reader's pov
My time at the academy has been somewhat of a rollercoaster ride. It's only been a few months, but I still don't feel like I belong here. Obviously I know I do, I had to take a series of tests to even get in. So in a way, yes, I'm meant to here. Yet on the other hand, I just feel like an outsider.

Maybe it's because I feel older than the other girls. They're constantly getting into petty arguments and it annoys me. It also makes me wish I could be like them, so careless and blind to consequences honestly. I'm just not built that way though, l can't allow myself to be in a sense.

So I stay to myself mostly which has kept me out of trouble. Then again, it's also made me more of a target. Cordelia is a whole other subject, I adore her. Not in the way a student adores a teacher or even a woman admires another. Distance has always proved to help me when it comes to things like that.

It always gets worse before it gets better, though. I'm so hopelessly in love with her it's not even funny. I have to talk to her in class and morning meetings which I dread. I usually get myself out of conversations at the table while we're eating. Literally shoveling food in my mouth so I don't say anything stupid.

I'm lucky that I've done it this long without her noticing. I act as normal as possible around her when I have to be near her. Any other time I pardon myself, using the excuse that I want to be alone. Which isn't a lie, because I do enjoy being alone, though it confuses everyone. Regardless, if this doesn't clear up soon, I'll have to face it.

"Y/n" Madison calls me loudly, "huh" I choke out as I come out of my daydream. "What the hells the matter with you? You've been staring at the damn wall for 10 minutes" she points out. "Uhhh" I hum, "leave the girl alone" Queenie speaks up. "She's not bothering anyone but you" Zoe adds, "exactly. It's weird" Madison shudders.

"Enough" Cordelia orders and I just keep my eyes on my plate, pushing the food around. "Are you ok, sweetheart?" She asks putting her hand on top of mine and I just nod. "Can I go now?" I ask softly, finally looking up at her and she sighs but nods. Taking her hand away so I don't bump into her arm.

I quickly make my way up the stairs and to my room. Hearing the soft commotion behind me as the girls bicker. I close my bedroom door and sigh, leaning against it and closing my eyes. I bring my hands up to my face and rub my eyes before letting them fall to my sides. Making my way over to my bed I fall down face first and groan.

"This is bullshit" I mumble into the covers before turning my head to the side. I turn my body so my feet aren't hanging off the side, closing my eyes and hoping to get some rest. Unfortunately there's a knock at my door interrupting my peace. "Yes?" I sigh annoyed, the door creaks open showing Cordelia's face.

She wears a sympathetic smile as she steps further into my room and closes the door behind her. "I just wanted to check on you" she murmurs, "I'm fine" I state. "You know... she doesn't mean it. None of them really think before they speak" she chuckles dryly, "I know" I agree.

"Are you sure you're ok? You seem... off" she asks, "I'm just tired" I say. Please for the love of god get out my room. "Alright well... I'll let you rest" she says sadly before turning around and leaving. "Fuck my life" I groan softly, turning over with the urge to scream into the pillow. It's not even that serious, it's just frustrating me.

I'm so awkward around her when we're completely alone. I wish she would just lay down with me and hold me sometimes. But I can't let that happen, because there's no telling how much worse this crush can get. It's always when I think things can't get any worse, that they do.

I get up and take a shower before getting back in bed but under the covers. I sigh as I pull the blanket closer around me trying to get warm. If Cordelia was here this wouldn't be a problem. "Shut up" I grumble to myself, closing my eyes and curling up.