Tequila & Birdcages

Epiphany |b.d.h|

Based on the song by Chrisette Michele
WC: 4198
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Second night in a row you didn't come home

I lay on my girlfriend and I's shared bed as I stare at the ceiling. I don't understand how I've gotten to this point. We loved each other so much at one point in time and then it just... ended. We barely spend time together anymore, I'm honestly lucky if she doesn't go straight to sleep when she gets home.

I'm watching my phone, waiting for it to ring

I know her job is emotionally taxing and I respect that more than anything. However, that doesn't keep me warm on lonely nights like this. I needed her today and, as usual, she isn't here. I don't think I'm asking for much, I just want her to hold me. I want to feel her, feel that she's actually here with me. Even when she's physically here it's like she's always elsewhere.

She's either in her head or in her phone, there's no in between. I've tried dismissing it as her trying to distract herself from her work. I know it gets to her and she needs her alone time. That the spirits plague her mind, long after they're dispelled. I've tried talking to her about it too, she just brushes it off. She tells me I'm thinking too much and that everything is fine.

So once again, I fall asleep alone. Hugging onto the cold pillow, fighting back the tears that want to fall. I've already made my decision, I've packed my things.

I'm leaving

*the next day*

I'm downstairs watching tv when I hear her car pull up in the driveway. Any ordinary person might've just left before she arrived but, I suppose I'm not ordinary. I wanted to let her know that I was going. Maybe it's because I want her to fight for me, or maybe it's because I know she won't. I guess I just didn't want to leave unannounced. Since, despite it all, she's human and I love her.

So you walk in, the next morning

She steps in the door as I pause the tv and I get up to greet her. "Hi, darling" she sighs as she takes off her shoes and sets them on the rack. She removes her coat and sets her bag down on the table with her keys. She approaches me slowly and it's as though this is a foreign interaction for her. She stands there, staring back at me and I smile.

To find me smiling, like nothing ever happened

I mean this is a weird thing for her, for us, we don't usually do this. I'm either asleep or gone when she gets back, purposefully to avoid this. "So how was your trip?" I ask, "oh you know... the usual" she shrugs. "And this was last minute, you said" I say questioningly and she nods as her eyes narrow slightly.

You give me some excuse, like you always do

"Well Tasha was supposed to tell me a few days ago but she said she 'forgot'. Luckily it wasn't anything too serious though, there weren't even any spirits" she states, rolling her eyes as she walks past me and heads to the kitchen. "So why'd you stay an extra day?" I ask, "oh you know, honey. I have to film regardless or it's a waste of money" she replies.

I nod to myself and walk over to her, seeing she's at the counter with a glass of whiskey. I hate when she drinks this early and it's something we've discussed countless times. If I was ever rethinking my decision, this would've been enough to convince me otherwise. I go over to her, close enough to feel her breath on my face.

I place my hand on her chest, gently running my hand over the silk fabric. I've always loved that she adores such luxury. I look up at her and she looks down at me confused. It's been a while since I've touched her unwarranted. I'm big on physical affection but I haven't felt wanted by her, so I stopped.