expect the unexpected ↠ pacey witter

s e v e n

I'm wearing a silk red dress I had in the back of my closet. It's knee length, and I threw a cardigan over it to make it look less fancy then it is, with fishnet stockings. I think the dress was from a Halloween costume a few years ago that I never ended up wearing. I curled my hair, and put on light make up. I'm not sure how girls dress up for dances but I'm really hoping this is acceptable.

I didn't tell anyone I was going to the dance. I just wrote a note saying I was going out and I'd be back before curfew. By the time I made it to the dance I wanted to turn right back around and go home. I was on a adrenaline high set on the idea that once I got here the man I was supposed to be with would suddenly find me.

It was a ridiculous idea. I was so set on the idea of soulmates from my books that I thought wholeheartedly this was a good idea. I don't have any real friends. I have acquaintances from school. People I have with me in a class or two, but no one I chose to hang out with outside of school. No one I want to sit with at lunch. No one I even gave my home phone number too so we can call each other to get together. I have no one and I realize that now as I'm standing in front of the school.

"Well well well, what do we have here?" I stiffen when I hear Pacey from behind me.

I thought Dawson and his friends hated the idea of school dances. I thought this was a safe space to be rid of them for the night. "What are you doing here?" I ask without turning around.

       My eyes are fixed on the front door. I need to go in. I need to get over him.

       "I was just going to ask you the same thing," he says and when he stops in front of me he inhales a sharp breathe as he takes in my appearance. He looks me up and down, and I can't help but feel self conscious under his gaze. I wrap my cardigan around me tighter, wanting to just run all the way home. As if he can sense me feeling uncomfortable from his gazing, he smiles gently, "you look beautiful." He says as if it's a fact and not just an opinion.

       I scoff, rolling my eyes. "Ha ha. So funny, Pacey. Making fun of me, I get it. Book nerd trying to look nice," I say mocking his voice. I shove past him heading towards the door, ready to finally be rid of this crush.

        "What? Hey! Wait a minute," he says grabbing my arm to cause me to face him. "I wasn't making fun of you!" He says. "I meant it!"

"Whatever Pacey," I grumble, and go to leave again but he stops me again. "Pacey come on." I snap.

"What is this? Why are you shutting me out? You didn't even say bye to me earlier. We all turned around you were just gone," he points out, he's looking back and forth between my eyes he's trying to read me and he can't. He doesn't understand the severity of my feelings, he doesn't see them at all.

I sigh, pulling away from his grasp. I can feel tingles in the spots his hands were just at. I don't want to be close to him, it clouds my judgment. "I'm not shutting you out," I sigh. "I'm just trying to find friends my own age."

He scoffs. "First of all, you're only a year younger then me. Second of all, that means you can't even talk to me?"

"I'm talking to you now aren't I?" I point out.

         "And it seems like it's being forced. What's your problem? Seriously? After the first day of school I thought —"

"You thought what?" I snap. "You can mess with me more? Play this little game so good and win once and for all when you lead me on so much I start to believe it? All the concern for me on the first day. The checking in, running home to make sure I'm okay, reading my fucking book! You are ridiculous! I came here to get away from you tonight, and here you are wiggling your way back into my life just when I'm ready to move on. Every single time. I can't do it anymore Pacey. I can't do this weird push and pull thing we have going on it's exhausting trying to figure you out!" I scream.

Tears are streaming down my face. In a blind fit of rage I didn't realize what I was saying and now that I do, I can't believe myself. I put a hand to my mouth as if I can take back what I say, "oh my god," I mumble. "Oh my god," I whisper realizing what I have done. "I'm sorry I can't do this," I whisper.

This has to be a horrible dream. Im going to wake up any second. I couldn't have just done that. I couldn't have just admit to Pacey that I have feelings for him. That I think about our every interaction. I feel like I'm in a daze when Pacey steps in my line of sight and pulls me to my senses.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, God I'm sorry." I whisper. I can't look at him. I can't bring myself to see the pity in his face. All I wanted to do was come here tonight to be rid of Pacey not have my feelings for him out on full display. I turn around, and make a break for home.