Olethros

fifty three - freyja

I couldn't. Emyr's arm was gone and I fell into a heap on the floor. All I could do was curl into myself, hide what fell free from the fabric. I pulled my arm over my face, fingers in my hair as I tried to slow my breath.

"I'm first."

I didn't know who said that. I felt myself shaking, I heard my cries. How could it have gone this far? I'd been terrified to be sent away, but I never believed it could be like this. What horrors waited for me?

A hand went to my side, pushing me onto my stomach. I didn't have the energy to fight them. Dafid's breath was on my spine, his wretched voice whispering to me. I didn't know what he said.

I squeezed my eyes shut at the first touch of hands on me. I wasn't there. My nails dug into the wood flooring at the first thrust. A cry tore from me.

The pain was unbearable. White, hot flames beneath my skin. I was sure I was screaming, but I couldn't hear myself. I wasn't there.

I imagined Azriel. I brought myself to him in my mind. I imagined him holding me close, whispering that he loved me. His knuckles caressing my cheek, his lips pressed to mine. I thought of how he held me in our sleep, so right as if he couldn't bear to let me go.

I thought of my brother. Sharing sweets in the blanket of nights, whispering about what he learned at training while Mother slept just a room away. I thought of how he and Cassian would let me play with them during those rare days they did not train.

I thought of when we would throw balls of snow at each other when Mother left me to go to the market. We'd laugh, I would cry when hit by the snow, and they would treat me to warm spiced juice to feel better. I wished I had warm spiced juice.

My breathing was shallow, cheek pressed into the cold wood. My head ached and spun as if just waking from blacking out, which I thought I may have done. I laid there in silence, waiting for any touch or voice. There was nothing.

Pain skittered up my spine as I lifted my head. There was no one in the sitting room. Had I dreamt it? Pushing up to my knees, I sucked in a breath between my teeth. No, the pain told me it was real. I didn't dare look between my thighs. From the slickness, I knew what was there. I cried out far too loudly as I unsteadily pushed to my feet, having to catch myself on the settee.

I'd remembered Emyr saying that Aled and Tamlin were gone. My eyes turned to the windows, to the double doors leading to another part of the garden. My pulse quickened. They'd left, Carys was nowhere, and I could fly. A smothered sob left me at the realization.

Damn the alliance, I'd run for anything. I'd escape and suffer my father's wrath if it meant staying far from here. My arms shook as I pressed my hands to the floor. I bit down on my tongue to soften the cry as I rose to my feet. Everything hurt, but I'd push one last time.

My head hung as I willed my wings to show. The muscles in my back screamed at the added weight. It'd been so long since I let them free, since I'd flown. Each step felt like I walked upon flames. I'd never felt such agony. I held my breath, limping to the doors.

I'd forgotten that I was nude, but I didn't care. Not when freedom reached for me. I pulled the door open slowly, glancing behind me. My heart stuttered at what I thought was a shadow moving in the sunlight beyond the sitting room doors, but nobody came for me.

I slipped out onto the balcony, not bothering to close the doors as I did my best to hurry. I feared the sounds that continuously left me would give me away. I cringed at each groan and cry as I slowly made my way down the steps. When I was in the rose bushes and apple trees, I let my wings stretch. My breath punched from me at the pain, and I knew then that flying would be an entirely different kind of pain.

Rocks carved into my bare feet as I tried to push myself faster; farther. My wings stretched, tears of pleading reaching my eyes. Let me fly from here. Let me reach the border and find help elsewhere. I didn't have the strength to winnow, I doubted I even had the strength to rise from the ground.

I lifted my wings, praying they brought me from the ground without running. There was no way I'd get my legs to move that fast. I brought my wings down in a heavy rush, a gasp tearing from my throat as my feet lifted. I moved them rapidly, trying to gain the momentum to rise above the trees. The wind I created knocked leaves and petals from the thorny shrubs.

My breaths came out in wheezes as I looked up at the blue sky. I'd do anything to reach it. I'd do anything to-

A scream tore from me as a hand curled around my ankle. I kicked, but they tugged hard. My scream was cut short as my chin and chest hit the gravel beneath me, my lungs empty of air. No, no, no. I was so close.

I brought my wings down again, hoping their width would shove away whoever grabbed me. I couldn't catch my breath, not as I tried to bring my knee beneath me to push up. A knee dug into my lower back, a fist in my hair tugging my head back.

"Nice try. I was hoping we'd get the chance to do this," Dafid's voice laughed in my ear. I didn't know what sound left me, a mix between a scream and a sob. I knew, though, that my world came to a halt in the next second.

The hand left my hair, instead pushing my wings up. I didn't have the chance to even panic. A pain like I'd never felt rippled through my wings and down my spine. I stiffened, tears falling from my wide eyes as I stared at the blood splattered rocks beneath me. No.

"No!" I screamed, my entire body convulsing with the force of it. I felt it then, the throbbing pain and the stream of blood coasting down my ribs and to my chest. I screamed again, reaching down to feel the blood gathering between my breasts. No, no, no.

I'd thought they'd taken everything from me. I thought there was nothing left, but they took the final piece of me just then. My knees tucked beneath me, I curled in on myself and screamed. The grief and agony ripped through my chest as though laying my heart bare.

I tried to move my wings, the torment punching the air out of my lungs. I heaved, my head pressed into the rocks as I wrapped my arms around myself. They'd fucking cut my wings. The one thing my father didn't let happen to my mother, and it was now done to me.

I gagged, coughing and spitting in the rocks as panic took over me. I begged for death to vacant ears. I'd never felt such bliss as when I succumbed to the loss of blood and everything was gone.