Olethros

thirteen - freyja

Azriel stared at me like I'd asked him to kill me. His eyes dropped to my hair that I'd only cut a few weeks before. It had been down to my lower back, now it sat below my shoulder blades. I hated my hair any shorter than that. They wouldn't know it was me if they saw it at my jaw or shoulders.

"You want me to cut your hair?"

"Yes, Azriel! Anything! Either you take the dagger and slit my throat now, or cut my damned hair."

I was being too aggressive, maybe, but I couldn't wait. If I had to run again, I'd take any precaution not to be caught. Azriel sucked in a breath and unsheathed the dagger. I shifted on the mattress, pulling the blanket over myself as I gave him my back. I nearly shuddered at the hesitant touch to my hair. I felt his breath against my ear, the scrape of the leather gloves against my neck.

I squeezed my eyes shut. Azriel pulled my hair taut. I heard him suck in a breath, and then my head fell forward without the tension. I felt the strands fall over my shoulder, brushing my jaw as I leaned forward. My fingers shook as I lifted them, feeling the jagged ends of an uneven cut. It was just above my shoulders now. I felt sick.

"There. Where will you go?"

I looked over my shoulder at him. He was wiping his blade off on his thigh before sheathing it again.

"I don't know. I can't stay here any longer? Is this an obvious place to hide?"

"If your father assumes you are in Velaris and we haven't 'found' you yet, he will send in soldiers to search or come here himself. I assume we have less than two days before Alcaeus is in Velaris."

I'd be found. I know I would. I have only ever been to my mother's home, Velaris, and the Moonstone Palace. I didn't know where else to go. I was no better than a pouting child as I curled my legs up and bowed my head, tugging at my shorter hair. If I would be found, my only escape would be death or destroying my virtue. I couldn't be sent away. I couldn't.

"Freyja."

I shuddered at the sound of my name on his tongue. I turned my head, peering at him through the corner of my eye. Azriel didn't look like he'd slept in years. His hair was wet, too. Like he rushed here to warn me.

"What will I do? Where could I go?"

"Have you been to the cabin? In the Illyrian Mountains? Rhys brought Cass and I there for a month after the war to try and recuperate. They wouldn't check there. I could bring you, come every few days to update you on anything I hear," he offered. His voice sounded tight, like he hated that he was offering anything. I frowned.

"Are there wards?"

"Not that I know of. Your mother didn't know where we were when we hid away there. Alcaeus didn't know when she asked him, either. It has magic. You'd be able to lock the doors, start a fire, have a warm bath. It's like the magic within the House of Wind."

I stared at him for a long moment. Would it be worth it? To be hidden away and alone in the mountains without contact with anyone? At least here, I could go down onto the streets and go into a tavern. If I went to the cabin, I'd be more secluded than I had been in the palace.

I cursed, dropping my head back down. What did I even think I was doing? Did I truly think I could hide forever? Was my life even worth this? As long as I was valuable to my father, I'd have to hide away. I could never see my brother, or my mother.

"You need to make your choice, Freyja. I need to be out there."

I didn't want to. Gods, all I had wanted was a choice and now I hated it. I dropped my hands and turned to him. Azriel was sat back on his heel, his elbow resting on his knee. My eyes fell to his dagger again. Couldn't he just take my life? Is that too much to ask? Azriel cleared his throat, making me come out of my head.