Phobia

36. Till The End

As we jumped off the fence onto the ground, Celine giggled. I turned to her, annoyed. "Tell me again. Why are we trespassing into the cemetery at one a.m.?" She giggled again, and replied, shining her torchlight below her face, creating eerie shadows on it. "To wake the dead of course."

I rolled my eyes and snatched the torch away from her. "Quit it. Why are we really here?"

Celine sighed dramatically. "Ok, fine, you're such a bore. When I'm troubled with anything, I like to come here and take a walk. It's peaceful and silent. It's your fault for following me; it's not like I asked you to come."

I raised my eyebrows. "I thought you were sleepwalking because no sane person would do this sort of thing unless they were up to no good. Why do you walk in the cemetery specifically?"

 She looked at the ground. "Because my grandmother's here."

I fell silent and we walked on. When Celine knelt in front of a grave, I walked away and stood at a respectful distance as she cried her heart out. Sometime later, she stood up and walked over to me, wiping her eyes. She smiled brightly and said, "Come, let's go."

Celine was a strange person. To outsiders, she was a distant, reserved person who never smiled. The closest she ever got to one was a slight upward tug of her lips. They called her ruthless and indifferent; some even ventured to call her bitter. How a person could be so different in various surroundings, I'll never understand. But with her close friends and loved ones, she was the most charming and bubbly person I'd known. Her smile never faded, but that didn't mean that she didn't hide her emotions. She hid everything under that smile. I was her closest friend, but even I didn't completely know her. One day, long after the cemetery incident, she skipped her way to me. "Let's go ziplining."

I stared at her. "What?!"

She jumped up and down in excitement, her eyes twinkling. "Yes, it'll be so fun. I've always wanted to see the view from above."

I replied, "But why now?"

She smiled. "Just because why not?"

I shook my head, amused. The next day, we went ziplining. Celine was screaming in exhilaration the entire time. I looked at her, my ridiculous impulsive friend, and smiled. The view was stunning. A grey draping of clouds over the green earth. While coming back home, we both fell asleep. That weekend, we went to an amusement park, again at Celine's request. The whole month went in a blur as we travelled to different places and did different things. Throughout it all, Celine smiled brightly, and her happiness was contagious. 

On the last day of the month, I walked up to her house. It was her birthday, and I had decided to surprise her at six in the morning. We were neighbours, so it wasn't like I had to put in a lot of effort to visit her. Still, she better appreciate it, because contrary to her, I was not a morning person. Waking up this early took a lot of determination. Smiling, I walked in and screamed in horror. Celine was lying down, her skin cold, on the floor. My hands shaking violently, I called the ambulance. As they took her away and I stepped inside the van, my mind went blank. What was going on?

I stepped inside her hospital room, my heart pounding loud and fast. She looked like a shell of her usual self with so many tubes connected to her pale arms. I sat down beside her and gingerly held her hand. Lowering my head, I sat in silence, sobbing.

"Stop ugly crying, you idiot. I'm not dead."

I looked up at Celine, and she rolled her eyes in mock annoyance. 

I couldn't speak for a few moments. "Why didn't you tell me?"

She stiffened. "What was there to tell?"

"What was there to tell?? Celine, why didn't you tell me that you were- that you were diagnosed with pancreatic cancer that day we went to the cemetery?"

She smiled sadly. "I didn't want you to coddle me. It's stage IV, so there isn't much I can do. All I want is to enjoy the time that's left to the fullest. Please pretend you don't know. Just let me have fun for as long as I can."

Tears welled up in her eyes. "You were there for me through everything. You helped me when Mom and dad passed away, and later, when Grandma went too. You are the one who has stayed the longest. But now it's time. So please learn to let me go when I'm gone."

I looked out the window. It was autumn, Celine's favourite season. And she was here on a hospital bed, and I could never think of her again without sadness creeping in...

"There must be something you could do," I said, desperate, "You could try chemo."

She spoke softly. "I just want to live the best life possible. It's too late."

It was too late. Celine was going to leave me, and I couldn't do anything to stop it. I was helpless. So I did what I could. I wiped my tears and held her hand because, for that moment, reality didn't exist. The loss would catch up later. All that mattered was I still had some time with Celine. And I was going to make sure that everything she dreamed of came to life so she wouldn't regret anything in the end. The end would be bitter for her, but I could make it sweet for her.